Pompey 1 – 1 Toon

First of all, congratulations Middlesbrough. The game pretty much decided in the first few minutes after one goal from open play and a (genuine) penalty. With any luck we’ll still be in the Champion’s League next season, though!

As for our league match… This has to be some kind of record. Another 1-1 away draw. And, frankly, I’m doubtful that we deserve that.

We played sloppily, certainly not to the standard of a team looking to enter the top-level European tournament next season. Portsmouth were determined and gritty, pretty much on a level with us.

The support, though. That’s a different story. Portsmouth have one of the noisiest travelling groups of the lot, a fact emphasised by some willock on a bugle (or trumpet or horn or something), and another with a drum. At Fratton Park, the brass instrument is still audible is is some form of percussion. It did sound more like two pieces of scaffolding being bashed together, however. Of three sides of the ground filled with home fans, one made a tremendous amount of noise (the TY European Stand, opposite us visitors).

We put up a bloody poor show. I’ve been to a fair number of away matches, and the crowd at Portsmouth were, frankly, shit. Barely a full chorus of any song, and even then I’d say no more than 10% of the fans joined in. What a disgrace. I know the team weren’t up to much and that both televised games today (the cup final and Leeds v Liverpool) were more entertaining, but we’re supposed to be supporters. I don’t think we could have supported a small balsa-wood sculpture today. Bloody awful.

I think Portsmouth deserve a re-wording of a classic football chant:

Shit ground, great fans.

Well, let’s face it. Four portaloos (2 each, male and female) does not a great welcome make. Good luck staying up, Pompey!

Up The Boro

Yes, it’s a Sunday morning and it’s not even 8am. I’m up and about, clothed, fed and raring to go. In 10 minutes, I’ll be in the car and on my way to Portsmouth for our Premiership fixture. But there’s another match today I’ll be following keenly. Unfortunately, it kicks off an hour before ours, so I won’t know the result until half time (barring a barrage of text messages).

Bolton v Middlesbrough at the Millenium Stadium in Cardiff. Playing for a supposed “nothing” Cup – the League Trophy. To us, Arsenal, ManUre, Chelski and so on maybe that’s a fair fact. Sure, it’s silverware and so what? But to both Bolton and Middlesbrough, this is the ticket that will have one of them playing European football for the first time in their club’s history next season. As such, it’s priceless. For Boro, it would be the first major piece of silverware ever.

That is important.

As a football supporter first, a Geordie a close second, and a North-Eastener not far after that – I’m more than happy to say I’ll be cheering the Boro on for the entire 90 minutes. And extra time and penalties should it come to that. I’m hoping we’ll be in the Champions League next season. But it would be wonderful to know that our North East neighbours have made it into Europe as well, by whatever route.

Look at it this way. We’re done the double over them this season. We’ll finish higher than them in the league. We’ve proved we’re a better team in that situation. Now it’s their turn for some glory. Get that cup, get into Europe and bring some more pride back up North. Let’s show Europe what great fans we all are.

I’m still not sure if that extends to hoping the mackems beat Sheffield United in the FA Cup quarter finals though.

For the record, Bolton fans – best wishes to you too. I admire the Bolton team and what they’ve accomplished on very little money. It’s just that today… Had it been anyone other than Boro (or us, Hartlepool, Darlo or Carlisle) in the other dressing room I’d have been yelling for you.

Pity I’ll only get to watch the first half because of the fixture change for our game. I’m sure it’ll be a cracker.

Sex Lives of the Potato Men

This one’s doing the rounds of the tabloids at the moment. Quotes such as “Lottery money wasted on purile filth” and the like. Basically, something just short of £1 million went towards funding this British-made film about a bunch of lads in the Midlands. Who, basically, are after a shag.

It’s got depravity, bad taste, foul language, stupidity, beer and some pretty unattractive cast members. It also hads a sense of humour and is a right giggle if you’re in the right mood.

Nobdy seems to have raised an eyebrow to the fact that the bloody opera has had more Lottery money chucked at it than our national parks. And let’s face it – opera’s shit. Sex Lives is more my kind of thing and I really enjoyed it. So it’s not a classic, but it’ll probably appeal to a wider audience than a bunch of people in suits screaching at each other for other people in suits trying to impress their mates with how posh they are.

Sod you. I prefer a good old-fashioned nob (or jam and fish paste) joke any day. Lottery money well-spent in my book.

Columbine families sue computer game makers

BBC News – Columbine families sue computer game makers.

Yes, folks. It’s that old chestnut. Not content with suing the parents of the kids who did it (like they’re not devastated enough that their own sons committed the atrocity and then killed themselves), they’re turning on something else completely blameless.

Look. If someone’s screwed up enough to walk round a school shooting unarmed people, then anything could set them off. It it wasn’t Doom, it’d be Dirty Harry, Akira or wanting to shut Barney the bloody purple dinosaur up. To quote the article:

“In Doom, players take on the role of a lone space marine stalking corridors and shooting creatures with a variety of weapons.”

Yes. This mirrors walking round a public building, killing innocent kids in real life IF YOU’RE ALREADY MENTAL.

You may notice there are only a handful of winners in these court cases. It won’t be the computer games companies as the legal fees will cost them. It won’t be the parents, as the legal fees will cost them and they’ll lose anyway.

It’ll be the people earning the legal fees. How on earth do you think the case has gotten as far as it has anyway? Lawyers must be the only people rubbing their hands together with glee every time there’s another school massacre.


Great Marketable Ideas of Our Time

OK, I get some weird ideas but in case someone else comes up with them and makes a profit I want to publish the thoughts first. So here’s number one in a series of far too many:

Scratch ‘n’ Sniff Tattoos.

I mean, how cool would that be? Alright, I admit for every rose tattoo there are 50 tigers and I don’t know how appealing a tiger smell would be. But still. Novelty value, eh? To top it off, this is a product that could keep on earning. Constant scratching means sore skin, so you can follow the initial purchase up with scented oils and stuff.

I have far too much spare time.