Your Horoscope For The Day

Cancer: You will find that, though tasty, any milk-based product will cause you to come out in hives. Avoid those who say “-ish” at the end of words, especially those who leave a pregnant pause beforehand. The fall of Leo into the house of Capricorn will also result in a change of fortune, but not necessarily for the better. Don’t wear corduroy trousers with any red top.

Your lucky domicile is terraced, and your lucky holiday icon is the jack o’lantern.

More Office Meanderings

OK, so I’m stuck in the office all day again. Well, until 2:00 when I have to shoot off for an optician’s appointment. How convenient. Once more I’m left with not a lot to do and need to fill the hours. So on to today’s Way To Waste Office Time:

Signs that show me I’m getting old. The scary thing is there are a lot of them, and they’re not all good.

1) Listening to Radio 2

2) Telling people the same thing over and over again because my memory is going

3) I get wound up at people talking in the cinema

4) Worrying about my mortgage and bills

5) Looking at really fit women and going “Nah – too young”

6) Telling people the same thing over and over again because my memory is going

7) Deciding which car to get based on fuel consumption, safety, upkeep costs and not just how fast it can go

8) Realistically working out finances required to buy a DB9 rather than settling for a poster on my wall. I reckon if I can get onto £40k, I can just about afford to finance one. Of course, I’ll have to live in it and forgoe luxuries such as food.

9) Getting knackered running up a single flight of stairs

10) I watch my alcohol consumption

11) I purchase far too many “humorous” t-shirts

12) Telling people the same thing over and over again because my memory is going

13) I shave my head so people don’t notice how bald I’m getting

14) Grocery shopping is based on what’s cheap and healthy

Although to counteract:

1) I still find farting and belching funny, and reckon Dirty Sanchez is the pinnacle of televisual entertainment

2) This year I *will* learn to skateboard. Or at least how to fall without breaking myself

3) I think snowboarding is way better than skiing

4) Wile E. Coyote has never been funnier

5) The only argument I have with kids is that I want to play with their toys first

6) I can live on beans on toast, ice lollies and sweets

7) My mum still insists on buying clothes for me

BNP – politicians or racist scum?

OK, I know the poor people in the BNP get a bad name, being linked with Combat-18 and other thuggish scum. I know that the BNP proper is a motivated plitical-only group aiming to do the right things for this country in their own way. I know that they’re not interested in inciting racial hatred or descriminating against anyone who’s a citizen of this fine nation.

So explain the following: This morning, I received one of their leaflets through the door in the leadup to the elections. As an good citizen in a fair and pleasant country would do, I walked round the front to deposit it in the paper recycle bin.

On the way back round, one of my neighbours asked who they were. Reason being, he’d been sat on his doorstep (with his adoreable baby son) and they’d walked past, nodded and said “hi”… then continued on. Everyone else was getting a letter, but not him, which he found strange.

Of course, this may have something to do with the fact that my neighbour’s black. This is, of course, pure conjecture and I am no way insinuating that the people depositing leaflets are in any way a poor man’s KKK squad.