Geek rant

Why do sales people try to get themselves involved in tech support?

We have a new site up on the middle of nowhere in Scotland (which is pretty much anywhere except Glasgow or Edinburgh, to be honest) who have a “server”. The quotes are there because it’s a fucking Windows 98 machine with virtual bloody desktop running. Madness.

On this “server” is one application which means they can’t upgrade the O/S to something actually useful and two printers. Well. One and a bit. The Toshiba one doesn’t work because the drivers are screwed. You can’t remove the printer (you can delete it, but it reappears on reboot) and you can’t replace the drivers because the files are currently in use.

So one of our sales guys gets involved and tells the customer that the “server” needs an upgrade. Top notch. Bloody right it does.

By adding more memory to it.

So. We had a Windows 98 machine with 128Mb of memory in it that didn’t work. We now have a Windows 98 machine with 300Mb+ of memory in it that doesn’t work. And a customer who now thinks his problems will be solved because he’s thrown money at them.

For fuck’s sake.

Festive cheer? I didn’t have any a month ago

I popped into Tesco at lunchtime and they had one of those whacking big “product recall” notices up. This one was for xmas lights.

The first line of the “What to do” section read:

Stop using these lights immediately

Can I point out that at the time of writing, it’s January the 13th. Anyone still using xmas lights deserves to have their fucking house burnt to the ground by faulty electrics.

All you need is some beer

DIY pub quiz. Today’s specialist subject: MEEETAAAAALLLLL!!!!

Pop your answers in the comments. Try not to cheat and look at anyone else’s. I’ll put the answers up towards the end of the week.

1) Which seminal heavy metal band includes guitarists KK Downing and Glen Tipton?

2) Jon Bon Jovi’s first recorded vocals were on which album?

3) Which recently reformed (almost) band did Jon Bon Jovi help get a recording contract?

4) What did Slash’s replacement in Guns ‘n’ Roses wear on his head?

5) Which one person has been an official (i.e. not temporary) member of two of the “big four” thrash metal bands, and which two bands was he in?

6) What band was Bruce Dickinson in immediately before joining Iron Maiden?

7) From which country did Sepultura originate?

8) From which British city do Def Leppard hail?

9) The Little Angels and Iron Maiden each have a band member with the same name – which one? And what middle name did the Angels’ member use to distinguish himself?

10) What was Alice Cooper’s father’s profession?

11) Slayer released an album of punk cover versions. What was it called?

12) Guns ‘n’ Roses also released an album of punk covers. What as it called?

13) Which thrash band recorded a song about Judge Dredd?

14) For which Wes Craven film did Megadeth record a cover of a classic Alice Cooper track, and what track did they cover?

15) Name Scott Ian of Anthrax’ side-project.

16) Ozzy Osbourne was barred from Texas for ten years for what reason?

17) Pantera’s Dimebag Darrell was shot dead on stage while performing as a member of which band?

18) What incident led to the death of Metallica’s original bassist?

19) Which band opened the Freddy Mercury tribute concert at Wembley Stadium?

20) Which classic metal band played one of their biggest hits on on the Young Ones episode “Bambi”?

I am a lazy bastard

I pinched this off Damo’s blog:

Seven Things to do before I die
1. Visit Japan
2. Get married / have kids
3. Work for myself
4. Learn another language well enough to visit a country and only speak the native tongue for 3 days
5. Drive an Aston Martin
6. Score in a competitive football match – Sunday League would do
7. Write a book

7 things I can’t do
1. Swim breaststroke properly (can’t do the legs)
2. Eat garlic
3. Hit the “supertax” bracket
4. Stop whinging about crap things
5. Support a football team that actually wins anything
6. Claim to be a virgin
7. Hurt an animal. People, yes. Animals, no

7 things that attract me to blogging
1. Technically being published without the awkward bit of having to write anything that’s actually any fucking good
2. The undying devotion of you lot
3. I can class it as “educational” when I fuck about with Javascript, HTML and CSS
4. Lots of them are about people’s sex lives
5. Earns me brownie points when I help people with theirs
6. It’s an outlet. If I didn’t do it I’d probably have killed someone by now instead
7. Actually finding people on the net daft enough to meet me

7 things I say most often
1. Muppet(s)!
2. This job would be a lot easier without bloody customers fucking things up
3. Fuck
4. Cock-knocker
5. -ish
6. Twat
7. Do I look like I give a shit?

7 books I love
1. Last Chance To See – Douglas Adams
2. Hitchhiker’s “trilogy” – Douglas Adams
3. The first 5 Harry Potter books (number 6 was a bit crap)
4. My set of late 1890’s medical texts
5. The World War series – Harry Turtledove
6. Discworld series – Terry Pratchett
7. The Chinaman – Stephen Leather

7 films I watch over and over again
1. Blade (once I get a working R1 DVD player again)
2. Aliens
3. Bad Taste
4. Detroit Rock City
5. Die Hard
6. Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
7. Ice Age