If you manage to convince your girlfriend to shave herself “down below”, only she complains that it makes her feel like a 6 year old – do not then suggest that you could go out and kidnap one for her. Trust me, that’s not what she means.
A prominent member of the catholic church today has announced that condoms should be used – though only by married couples where one partner has AIDS.
This coming from the same church who’s missionaries regularly tell Africans that condoms promote the spread of AIDS and advise totally against their use. So I guess that all the people there who’ve caught the disease as a result of this catalogue of lies can now rest safe in the knowledge that they can now prevent passing it on to their partners.
OK, so I didn’t get to see the match live. OK, so we realistically played like shit. And OK, so they succeeded in bringing on dirty Argie cunt Arca purely with the purpose of crocking Shearer.
But so what? Despite having no pace and being soundly shoved about in the first half, we still beat the great unwashed 4 goals to 1. At their own ground.
As records stand, no team in Football League history has gone an entire season without a single home win. One team seems to be very, very close indeed to managing that. And with a record low points-tally as well. Having come perilously near breaking a superb record 2 seasons ago of the longest run of consecutive League defeats. I will obviously be chearing Arsenal on in a week or so when they hopefully grind the mackems into paste. Then there’s the rescheduled Fulham game. Two matches to set another new record.
They really are possibly the shittest football team ever.
Bye, bye mackem scum. I’ll miss the 6 point gift each season but I won’t miss you in the slightest. Now fuck off.
Can you believe yet another group has been given a ton of money to conduct a pointless study? This one has come to the conclusion that Goths are more likely to self-harm. Wow. Steps back in amazement.
We’re talking about kids of an emotionally vulnerable age who wear black clothing, white make-up and shuffle around staring at their feet all day. Oh, and listen to such up-beat bands as The Smiths. Fuck, I would slash my wrists if I listened to Morrisey all bloody day.
So, basically, someone’s been funded to tell us that people who are blatantly obviously depressed are more likely to self-harm.
When I get back I think I’ll see if I can get funding for a study. I think “clothes hung up on a washing line during the rain take longer to dry than those put into a working tumble dryer for 2 hours” is a decent start.
You’d think the world was ending. Or someone was trying to import cocaine in a “buy one ounce get one free” frenzy, but no it’s simply a ferry sailing on a Sunday.
To the pathetic, selfish fuckers who signed the petition and strung tape up to try and stop an umpteen-ton sailing vessel – fuck off. If you don’t want to catch the ferry… don’t fucking go down to the dock. What bloody difference does it make if it turns up?
Don’t like it? Don’t fucking use it. Worried about the temptation that may wash over you to *gasp* go somewhere and not spend the day worshipping some figment of your imagination? Well, you’re a shit christian then, aren’t you?
Get a grip. Get a life. Stop trying to force your ludicrous beliefs on the sensible members of the world’s population.
I’m so glad I don’t believe in Hell coz I’d be going straight there.