Dear ‘Escalations Customer Services’,
Well, where should I begin? How about â€œDid you actually read the letter I originally sent?â€ or perhaps â€œHow on earth can you even begin to include the phrase ‘satisfactorily dealt with’ in your reply without tears of laughter in your eyes?â€
You may make an assumption from this that I am far from happy with your response to my complaint. In fact, I’m so far from happy that â€œhappyâ€ itself as a word or even a concept simply doesn’t exist right now. I am disgusted, sickened, annoyed, irate, angry and utterly in disbelief at your inability to grasp the fact that your company has screwed up and seems to think that trying to bluff it’s way out will work.
I sent a screen to you to be repaired after a â€œrepairedâ€ fault in it re-occurred very soon after it was shipped back to me. I expressly requested that it be delivered, on completion of subsequent repairs, to my parents in Perth. I do not care where it ended up, who signed for it, or anything else. I want the monitor to go to the address I asked for it to be returned to, and which I was told would not be a problem. It seems that this was a problem as you were unable to complete this simple task.
On March 8th I was working my notice out. I was also living in a friend’s spare room having emptied the contents of my house and moved them to Perth â€“ you know, the town in Scotland where I asked you to send the screen. I began moving my things up there no more than 2 days after I shipped it to you for repair, hence knowing at the time that I did not want the screen returning to Halifax or Bradford, but instead to Perth. This is what I told the person I spoke to on the telephone when I rang to arrange sending it to you.
Hence, regardless of when the screen arrived in Halifax, who signed for it, who carried or or signed for it â€“ all you’re actually confirming is that you screwed up a simple request to sent my monitor to Perth. Not Halifax.
I apologise if I seem to be repeating myself here, but you obviously need this fact drummed into you as it seems my earlier letter and emails were not sufficient to make this point. Let’s make it nice and clear:
HALIFAX BAD â€“ YOU SENT MY SCREEN HERE
PERTH GOOD â€“ YOU DIDN’T SEND IT HERE. YOU GOT IT WRONG.
Would it be easier if I sent you maps and little diagrams? Look in an atlas. Halifax does not equal Perth. They never have, even in the olden days. There is also the small matter of two places existing in the same physical space which simply does not happen in the universe I live in, though I obviously can’t comment on your little dimension. After all, you seem to think that sending someone a letter confirming the fact that you’ve made a mistake is enough to rectify their problems.
You are wrong.
As I said in my last letter, had you bothered to actually read it, I am asking you sort this problem out. Either arrange collection of the screen from SSP with Mr [employee] (who I don’t know) or ship a replacement of similar specification (and in working order) to my parents’ address. Long and short of it is that you lost the screen. Not me. You failed to follow instructions that I clearly provided and which you confirmed, verbally, would be adhered to.
Also, as you seem to be proceeding down the path of assuming I didn’t tell you about the address request, I would like an apology for your unspoken accusation that I am a liar. I am not sure which is worse â€“ your constant sidestepping of the issue, or the insulting undertone to your responses which insinuate that I’m attempting to clear up a mistake that I may have made.
Much as I would like to call your phone number, I repeat the fact that I am in Vietnam. It would cost me a fortune to ring you up. Besides, it seems that when I do call that certain words aren’t heard by your operators. I thought perhaps the long ones might confuse them, but â€œPerthâ€ is only one syllable and that seems to have shot in one ear and right out the other side. That and â€œ[street name]â€, â€œ[house number]â€ and â€œCan you please deliver the screen toâ€.
Now, one last time for the hard of thinking. I’ll try to keep this nice and simple for you as it’s obviously very hard to grasp:
GET A REPLACEMENT MONITOR SENT TO MY PARENTS’ ADDRESS IN PERTH AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
That’s the address at the start of this letter. The one with â€œPerthâ€ in it. It’s a town in Scotland. Not England, not Yorkshire and they’re not a company and wouldn’t have signed for it in the name â€œ[employee]â€. These little clues are what gave away the fact that you are simply perpetuating the fact that you screwed up.
Currently my opinion, and that of many people I know, is that your company is full of people who simply dodge responsibility when something goes wrong. This would explain the stupidly long response time for email queries and your blinkered form-letter responses to letters of complaint. So go on. Prove us wrong. Try to actually sort out your mess instead of letting it fester. After all, it’s supposedly a good sign of a company not that it doesn’t make mistakes, but how it deals with them when they happen.
Currently, you’re ranking with PC World and Barclays in my list of â€œworst people to do business withâ€, and believe me that’s company you don’t want to be in.
Sort it. Now.