O2 are fucking cunts

The email I just sent them pretty much explains it:

First thing first – DO NOT PHONE ME ON MY MOBILE NUMBER.

I have a complaint to raise regarding your marketing. This morning I received an unsolicited call from one of your sales staff. I have never been an O2 customer and after this morning you can rest assured I never will be. I have no idea how you got my name and number and I’m extremely angry that someone called me when they did.

I am currently in France as part of a 1000-mile charity walk, and as such I’m paying the usual ludicrous roaming charges that all UK customers are subject to. As I’m on Vodafone, this includes a 75p charge for receiving any call. My phone is therefore used by friends and family for emergency use only. I saw a “+44” number calling, so I answered only to have one of your idiot staff greet me. I told him that he had called at a very bad time and that I wished to speak to a supervisor or manager, at which point he hung up on me.

Your staff member’s call cost me money and brought me under 75p on my call balance which means I now have to contact someone in the UK to go and purchase a topup card and email me the details so I can get more credit. This is a huge inconvenience and likely means that for a day or so I will be unable to receive any incoming calls should anyone have a genuine emergency.

I demand a full, written apology and recompense for the inconvenience you have caused. Obviously, I require the 75p refunded plus the sum of 5 Euros (GBP equivalent is UK3.40) which I had to pay at a cybercafe to email home for further credit, to email yourselves and to tell people my phone was useless for the next day or so. Frankly, I should be demanding money for the time I’m wasting as well but it’s up to you to decide if someone who’s not a customer is worth that or not.

Rest assured I will also be contacting the Telephone Preference List people to inform them of your breach of their regulations as well.

Kindly send your apology and cheque, at your earliest convenience, to:

[etc]

Anything above and beyond the recompense I have requested will be donated to the charity for which I am walking – the Blue Dragon Children’s Foundation in Vietnam (www.bdcf.org).

Actually, as their web for is fucking shit, I had to reduce the message down to a smaller size. I kept getting “your message is too long” errors with no indication of how large it was allowed to be. I mean how crap can you get? As such, the message I ended up sending was:

DO NOT PHONE ME ON MY MOBILE NUMBER.

Your contact form is useless as it will not accept my complaint – it tells me it is too long. Please email me so that I can send you my details in full using something that actually *works*. I repeat the above message – DO NOT CALL ME ON MY MOBILE NUMBER.

Languages again

This is something that gets my goat. Partly it’s a good thing but as is typical of governments they’ve really screwed up its application. I’m talking about the possible upcoming Australian immigration exam. Part of me is very much for this kind of thing, but they just ened to iron out a lot of kinks.

First off, anyone complaining that the exam is in English should fuck off. Australia’s main official language is English. If you can’t speak it, you shouldn’t be there (unless you’re Aboriginal in which case you have more right to the country than anyone else who landed by boat or plane). Before you qualify for citizenship you have to go through a 2-year residency scheme which is plenty of time to learn the language.

As for the questions on the exam… I’ve been a tourist in Oz for some time, been on all the trips, read the books and I can’t answer a load of them. Having said that, with a bank of 200 questions it’s only memory work anyway so what’s the use? I’ve asked some Aussies and they can’t get most of the answers off the top of their head. So what’s the point?

The other part of the exam tests for “mateship” which is a very Aussie thing, and a good thing at that. But again, how the hell do you test for it. Anyone can answer what the like on an exam and still be a psycho axe murderer who’d as soon shove the body of a hitch-hiker in the car boot as help a little old lady across the road.

So, nice idea but overall worthless. At least it should keep out the people who are too lazy to learn English though. Oh, and before anyone has a go at me for being pro-English, I’m not (as such). I’m pro-national language. If I moved to Thailand, I’d expect to have to learn Thai, for example. Right now, it just means if I want to move to Oz I have to learn a load of pointless trivia.

Velvet Revolver – shit and greedy

Not only they utterly fucking shit, and one of the worst bands to play at this year’s Download Festival, Velvet Revolver have revealed themselves to be one of the greediest bunches of cunts this side of George Bush’s daddy’s shareholders. For the bargain price of $250 (in addition to the purchase of a concert ticket) you can attend a meet and greet with these fuckwits.

Seriously. $250 to tell them how shit they are and punch Slash on the nose for trashing such a promising career. It’s almost tempting but I’d not want to give them the money.