LOLCODE – satisfying my inner geek

One for the sadder elements of my readership, this one. LOLCODE is a new-ish programming language that – amazingly – seems to be genuine. I came across it on Elliott C. Back‘s rather good blog where he has a couple of examples.

For those really interested, the specification for the current version (1.2) is available from the official LOLCODE site. I really can’t believe this is serious but when you take a good look, it’s really BASIC for people who insist on using that moronic “1337” speak. And what’s even more sad is that it makes some kind of sense to me when I look through it…

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Which school?

Many of you know which school I went to and why I hated it. I actually got in touch with my old primary school before I started the Walk to see if they’d be interested in getting the kids involved. Sadly, they didn’t respond but my mum asked why I didnn’t contact the RGS and ask them as well.

Simple. If they picked up on it, they’d use it as advertising. I was doing something good and worthwhile. I don’t want that associated with the RGS.

The day I get arrested for armed robbery, while high on coke and with a dead, eviscerated, buggered nun in my car is the day I want the newspapers to mention in every column that I used to go to that shithole.

Druggies

Here’s interesting. The head police office in North Wales (who’s a complete cock) wants to legalise all drugs. He says this will cause a huge cut in the number of drugs-related offenses. Of course it will. Because they won’t be illegal any more.

Let’s just legalise speeding so the silly cunt can take down all the fucking speed cameras he’s put up in Wales. After all, if you legalise it then the number of speed-related offenses will drop.

On the subject of drugs, when I was in Amsterdam I noticed that a lot of the “coffee” houses now offer internet as well as mushrooms and dope. Can you imagine getting an MSN off someone from one of these places?

“Sorry to take so long getting online, but I had to wait for the elephant to finish. And excuse my typing. The keyboard is just too floaty…”

I was talking to a couple of friends and they were interested in trying some drugs, just out of curiosity. Well, you know my feelings on drugs (I ain’t going there – ever), but each to their own. One wanted to try ecstasy, but not while at a rave as the music’s shit. So he wants to try it before playing an RPG or something.

I can see that D&D session going well:

DM: The skeleton attacks you.
PC: That’s cool. Just let it chill out. Maybe we can have a beer.

Mind, it could be more fun on PCP:

DM: The skeleton attacks you.
PC: Fuck it! Fuck it up! Bad! REAL Bad!
DM: OK, it’s dead.
PC: Hit it more! Stab it. Killkillkill…

The player would of course get a +15 bonus to Strength. And a -15 penalty to intelligence.

In another conversation (it’s been a weird week), we wondered that if God invented cannabis on the third day, what did he come up with on the fourth? Simple – snack foods. The universe’s biggest ever case of the munchies.

I reckon He/She/It discovered LSD before supplying Adam with Eve. Only a mind-bending drug could explain the workings of the female mind.

Hey, and who reckons they’d been at the weed when they got hammered for nicking that apple? I mean, come on. It all makes sense. Seeing a talking snake and then getting a real bad case of the munchies that you have to go scrumping to satisfy it? In fairness, I don’t think 7-Eleven was created until well after the closing verses of Genesis.