You at the back! DIE!

Great story on the BBC News today about proposed plans to retrain ex-military personnel as teachers. I can see the scenes now…

"Smith! What do you mean the dog ate your homework? Outside and give me 20 laps of the field in the pissing rain! Johnson! Stop picking your nose! Drop and give me twenty! Viduka, you fat fuck! Lose some weight or I’ll kick it off you! Eastwick! I saw you punch Chalmers, you little bastard! Call that a punch? *SMACK* That’s a punch, you pathetic little cunt! Stop crying and get a mop! Don’t bleed on my fucking floor!

Right, homework’s due in at oh-nine-hundred tomorrow. Anyone who doesn’t hand it in will be left on the Downs and expected to walk home by Tuesday. CLASS DISMISSED!"

Another advantage is that the new staff will be used to working with shitty old equipment after the crap we force them to serve with as soldiers. Metric rules? Pah. Just give them a wooden stick with a straight edge. It does the job. Who needs a blackboard when you can just carve notes into the plasterboard walls with a blunt hunting knife?

Thing is, does anyone reckon our troops would last a week against a classroom full of hoodies from inner-city Brum?

7 thoughts on “You at the back! DIE!”

  1. At least discipline wouldn’t be a problem in school anymore.

    OK kids, todays detention is going to be learning how to disembowel a pig for eating when you are stuck in a forest with no supplies.

    he he he

  2. Dewi – I *think* one of my old chemistry teachers was ex-military. Frankly, it made no different. He was still a fucking shit teacher.

    Damo – There is the fact that discipline improvement = good, but also that their ability to teach should also be decent. I know a fair few teachers (and also a lot of nurses and pharmacists – strange how that works out) and the desire to “be a teacher” specifically makes a hell of a difference in their ability to do a job compared to the simple “desire to be employed, fuck it, what have you got?”

  3. Ah, therein lies the problem. As a sergeant major you can order people smothered in their blankets and beaten with bars of soap to “improve their character” (also known as making the bullies feel like real grown-ups, the small-cocked retards). However, so much as fling a broken piece of chalk at a 14 year-old in class and you’re looking at a court case and another change in career.

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