Occasional musing on women

I already had half this post written mentally when I ended up with more to write on it, courtesy of a visit to "Sara"’s remodelled web page. Just a couple of questions about the female half of our species.

Referring to the above-mentioned page… what is it with purple? Why do so many women like it? You’re all supposed to like pink, get it right. Or is there some subtle undercurrent that I’ve stumbled upon?

How does one make purple? By mixing red and blue. But I’ve noticed that women prefer a lighter shade of purple – maybe a mauve. To which you’d add white. Deconstruct that and you have red, white and blue. Red and white = pink. Plus blue. We’re getting somewhere.

You lot are trying to wheedle in on the traditional male colour! And, as usual, you’re doing it in a sneaky "we women know, but let’s not tell the men" way. And with my superior male intellect I have caught you out!

Please don’t kill me.

Second question – what the hell do you lot do with toilet paper? Eat the stuff? Now I’m no stinge in the arse-wiping department but in my flat I can make a standard roll of bog paper last over a month. Seriously. And I promise I don’t deliberately shit in the office to save money.

Yet I have one female guest in the flat and I go through whole roll in two to three days. In common internet parlance: WTF?! What do you do, really? Not all of you need it to pad your bras (Leah for one would be taking the piss if she did…), and I do tend to feed my guests well (Nicola came close to complaining about the volume of pasta served one night) so I do doubt you chow down on it.

I’m picturing women wrapping 2m of paper round their hands before venturing said semi-limb anywhere near their bottom (front or back) for a wipe.

From my viewpoint, I could accept a 2-fold increase in paper usage as there are two areas to wipe compared to the singular male one. I could even excuse a 3-fold one due to its requirement for both forms of excretion. But that still equates to maybe a roll a week maximum compared to my 4-weekly rota of paper usage.

Seriously – what gives? Do you get bored and make paper streamers, then flush them all away afterwards so as not to give the game away? Or write long diary entries on them for copying into your little lockable secret books when you get out? After all, men read on the loo – maybe women write.

Please, put me out of my misery on this one!

8 thoughts on “Occasional musing on women”

  1. Mate – no man will ever understand a woman totally – they are mysteries. Fun to explore and attempt to understand.

  2. regarding the loo roll issue…… its obvious really! think of how often a person does a shit! once possibly twice a day, depending on varying factors of course. How often do you pee? A lot…. There is also the whole wanting dry panties for the day as wet ones will chaff, therefore the more loo roll used the dryer you feel. You also don’t want a damp hand so a wad us used rather than a piece – its comforting to know ur hygiene conscious, less germs to spread too. See? Obvious!

  3. But if it’s only wet, why not just hang it up to dry and reuse later?

    This is our planet at threat! Think of the children!!! Will nobody think of the children!!!!

    I may need more sleep. And psychiatric help.

  4. You’re not supposed to rinse and reuse cloths?

    Whoops.

    Still want me to do the washing up at your place when I get back?

  5. yes u can rinse and re use a cloth for dish and surface cleaning purposes…. but for the whole toilet business, its just a big yuch..
    and yes u can do lots of dishes when u get to my place.. il keep them stacked pending ur arrival. xx

  6. Oh. Erm. Thanks. I think.

    I guess this is some weird Scots custom of which I wasn’t previously aware. Such as being *happy* that a man covered in coal dust is the first through the door at new year as dirty carpets are considered good luck north of the border.

    Strange people.

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