I already had half this post written mentally when I ended up with more to write on it, courtesy of a visit to "Sara"’s remodelled web page. Just a couple of questions about the female half of our species.
Referring to the above-mentioned page… what is it with purple? Why do so many women like it? You’re all supposed to like pink, get it right. Or is there some subtle undercurrent that I’ve stumbled upon?
How does one make purple? By mixing red and blue. But I’ve noticed that women prefer a lighter shade of purple – maybe a mauve. To which you’d add white. Deconstruct that and you have red, white and blue. Red and white = pink. Plus blue. We’re getting somewhere.
You lot are trying to wheedle in on the traditional male colour! And, as usual, you’re doing it in a sneaky "we women know, but let’s not tell the men" way. And with my superior male intellect I have caught you out!
Please don’t kill me.
Second question – what the hell do you lot do with toilet paper? Eat the stuff? Now I’m no stinge in the arse-wiping department but in my flat I can make a standard roll of bog paper last over a month. Seriously. And I promise I don’t deliberately shit in the office to save money.
Yet I have one female guest in the flat and I go through whole roll in two to three days. In common internet parlance: WTF?! What do you do, really? Not all of you need it to pad your bras (Leah for one would be taking the piss if she did…), and I do tend to feed my guests well (Nicola came close to complaining about the volume of pasta served one night) so I do doubt you chow down on it.
I’m picturing women wrapping 2m of paper round their hands before venturing said semi-limb anywhere near their bottom (front or back) for a wipe.
From my viewpoint, I could accept a 2-fold increase in paper usage as there are two areas to wipe compared to the singular male one. I could even excuse a 3-fold one due to its requirement for both forms of excretion. But that still equates to maybe a roll a week maximum compared to my 4-weekly rota of paper usage.
Seriously – what gives? Do you get bored and make paper streamers, then flush them all away afterwards so as not to give the game away? Or write long diary entries on them for copying into your little lockable secret books when you get out? After all, men read on the loo – maybe women write.
Please, put me out of my misery on this one!