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Burger King “green” experiment

Current "blue crescent" logo (July 1...

Current “blue crescent” logo (July 1, 1999–present) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Ah, how disappointing. After all the tabloid / facebook stories recently of Burger King’s black-bunned Halloween Whopper turning people’s poo “bright green” I just had to try one. Tolerating the horrendously slow, unfriendly service at the nearest branch to me I picked up a burger the other day and rushed home (the drive took less time than the service).

I tucked in – it was very nice, actually – and allowed my guts to get to work.

Two days later and with much anticipation with each toilet trip, I feel very let down. At most I have a slight greenish tinge after a good smeared wipe. Honestly, if I wasn’t looking for something I’d not even have noticed that. Maybe it’s to do with what else you eat (i.e. nothing at all, or perhaps you need to down half a dozen of them) but I’m still downhearted about the outcome.

I just wanted to see if it topped the time that I did get luminous green poo. That certainly came as a shock as it was well pre-Internet so there were no facebook warnings that it would occur! Back when I was around 11-12 years old, there were little sweets you could get called Coals From Newcastle. They were small boiled sweets coated in a black dust. A knock-off product was a bag of said black sherbet called Coal Dust. I’m pretty sure they bagged this detritus up by sweeping underneath the conveyor belt for the Coals to save wasting any of the stuff that fell through.

Either way, I ended up with half a pound of the stuff that I ate in more or less a single sitting. As it happens, I did buy it in Newcastle and finished it by the time I returned to my then-home in Scotland after a weekend away. Thing is, artificially black foods are often not black but a very dark green… as I discovered the day afterwards once the food dye worked its way through my system.

Clashing rather horrifically with the blue porcelain, I was somewhat disturbed to discover that my bowels were evacuating what seemed to be rather odorous alien blood the next day. This wasn’t a vague green tinge as I experienced this week, but a full on radioactive green. Sadly, I didn’t get pictures (no smartphones back then) and there was no “online” to post the news to.

I guess, for your sake, it’s fortunate therefore that this week’s experiment failed now that I have a camera in my back pocket and multiple social media accounts.

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