The Sitter

“I’m more of a ‘sit on the couch, do what I say or I’ll kill you’ type of babysitter.”

Plot-in-a-nutshell: College dropout is forced into babysitting three troublesome kids. A night of chaos/hilarity/adventure ensues.

See it if you like: Probably stuff like Adventures in Babysitting or Role Models.

Jonah Hill is somewhat like Seth Rogan in that he always plays the same character. He’s toned down a little for this one, probably as it’s got a young cast. Mind you, any movie with a young girl saying “fucked up” is going to score giggle points.

It’s not a new plot – there were at least two films with a similar story released in the 1980′s – but it’s still a good little story. Hill plays Noah Griffith, a college dropout whose father walked out on him when he was a youngster and who now lives with his mother. Our story opens (after some oral sex shennanigans) as Noah is convinced to baby sit so that his mother can go out and hook up with someone who might make her happy.

Of course, the kids he’s to look after turn out to be a bit of a handful. And, of course again, he has to end up in some dodgy situation that places them all in danger. Like, I don’t know, being hunted by a drug dealer and his boby-building henchmen. The usual.

Throw in a wobbly bit of romance, a ton of swearing and a little bit of “finding himself” and you have a shade over 80 minutes of fairly entertaining schmaltz.

Gillian thought it was a little slow, but I was fine with it. Not great, not bad but far better than I expected it to be.

Haywire

“You want me to be eye candy?”

Plot-in-a-nutshell – female secret agent finds herself being used as part of a dodgy bit of work, so goes rogue to try and find the culprit. I think.

See it if you like – weak thrillers with top-notch fight scenes

Steven Soderbergh is known for making high-end “classy” films, and he turns himself to the spy thriller genre for this 2-hour plodge. It’s well-filmed with some excellent fight scenes, but overall the plot doesn’t match up to the cinematography.

The cast is superb and it is well-acted. Gina Carano is both hot and tough as Mallory, the CIA contractor who finds that things weren’t quite what they seemed in her last mission. The story starts with her recalling events to … I’m not sure. Some random she seems to have met in a coffee shop. I don’t think we actually find out who he is. This takes up the first 45 minutes or so of the film and then we step into the present day.

Now I’m not sure if the plot is as complex as the more upmarket reviews make out. Certainly, I didn’t go “wow” at the supposed twist at the end. Partly as I didn’t quite get it (I was tired – Friday night after a long week) and partly as I’d stopped caring. The story just didn’t grab me the way a more action-oriented film would have and I just had a feeling that I’d seen it all before.

Admittedly it is well filmed. It looks lovely and makes good use of non-famous areas of cities such as Barcelona. Alleyways and regular streets rather than landmarks. The fight scenes are superb, not just in their vicious nature but by the toning down of the sounds. Gone are the usual Hollywood smacks and bass thuds with each punch. Instead each fist lands with a dull thwack which sounds a lot more realistic.

I think we both agreed with the person behind us when the trailers started to roll. He turned to the person next to him and stated, “Well, that was crap.” Typically Soderbergh in that the film magazines trip over themselves to rate it highly when the general cinema-going public would, I feel, be more entertained watching something like RED.

Related articles

• The Sitter (charlotteweston.wordpress.com)
• The Sitter: Misadventures in moviemaking (theglobeandmail.com)
• The Sitter: Guns, Cocaine and Jonah Hill’s Adventures in Babysitting (entertainment.time.com)
• Haywire (moviesfilmsandflix.com)
• Gina Carano Overdose Will Make You Go Haywire [134 PHOTOS] (coedmagazine.com)
• Review: Haywire, 2012, dir. Steven Soderbergh (agcrump.wordpress.com)
• Movie review: Haywire (walterkilar.wordpress.com)
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• ‘Haywire’ Movie Review (leahdawnwilliams.wordpress.com)
• Haywire (2011) (hollywoodfunda.wordpress.com)
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The Sitter / Haywire

Puss In Boots

“Fear me, if you dare!”

Plot-in-a-nutshell: The back story and “legend” of the popular character originally appearing in the Shrek films

See it if you like: the Shrek films, for starters, and high quality children’s films overall

Puss In Boots seems to have taken months to get to the UK. The adverts have been on display since summer, or so it seems, and the US release was back in October. The kids have been at us to see it since then so it was a no-brainer to take them once it finally arrived.

Antonio Banderas‘ lead character is joined by Zach Galifianakis as Humpty “Alexander” Dumpty and Salma Hayek as Kitty Softpaws. Jumping straight into the action, the plot drifts into back-story on two occasions so that we can learn more about the central characters. Despite starting as a throw-away character, Puss has rightly graduated into a central personality and his history is a good one.

In fact, the story for the overall film is pretty impressive. If there’s a problem with it, it’s that it may be a little too hard to follow for the younger members to follow. There are also some moderately lengthy conversational sections which can mean those who need a bit more action in their film-viewing could drift a little. Having said that, Little Mister was pretty much glued to the screen for the whole thing which makes a change from him attempting to sit in every single seat in the theatre.

There are buckets of jokes, some of which will go right over the little ones’ heads – particularly the catnip line. The action sequences are superb and the quality of the animation seems to be improving with each of DreamWorks‘ releases. Humpty, in particular, looks like a human face projected onto an egg so smooth and detailed are the facial movements.

With plenty of giggles, and a story that actually tells you more about the characters as well as moving at a decent pace this is well worth a watch for fans of animated features. The cute factor is enough to keep most children interested as well.

Related articles

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Puss In Boots

Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol

“I have arrived at the party!”

Plot-in-a-nutshell: Someone is trying to blow up the world, Tom Cruise and a couple of friends have to stop them

See it if you like: The last three films

This is the first time Brad Bird has directed a live action film – his previous record includes the excellent The Incredibles and Ratatouille. It seems like quite a departure, but one that works. Ghost Protocol isn’t the “biggest” of the MI films to date as far as the scale of the action sequences goes, but it’s probably got the best – and most Bond-esque – plot.

Cruise, Paula Patton and Simon Pegg reprise their roles from the previous film with Ving Rhames popping up for about three minutes (for which he reportedly earned twice what he did for his supporting part in M:I3). It’s a quote from Pegg’s character Benji that I’ve used above. Truly, Pegg has arrived at the party with this film. From obscure Channel 4 comedy to fully fledged supporting role in one of the most profitable current franchises alongside one of the world’s most bankable stars. Well done, sir.

There’s a nice dollop of humour in the film, most of which revolves around Benji, while the action is – as ever – focussed around Cruise’s Ethan Hunt. Jeremy Renner joins the cast as Brandt, a senior analyst and apparently a character who could be fleshed out should Cruise ever decide to leave the franchise. Token kick-ass female falls to Patton’s Jane.

As I said, the plot’s rather Bond-like with it’s twisted, psychotic villain and threat of global thermonuclear devastation. A terrorist named Hendricks (Michael Nyqvist) has developed the somewhat bonkers theory that the earth undergoes some sort of “cleansing” every few hundred thousand years. Meteors, ice ages and so forth have helped this go ahead in the past. This time, though, we’re in need of a kick-start. So he’s after some nuclear launch codes to trigger global devastation and a fresh start.

Bonkers.

After things go wrong for our small band of troops at the start of the story, they are officially disavowed by their government and forced to operate completely along – under the Ghost Protocol of the title. This leads to a new set of challenges as they only have access to the kit they can scavenge – there is no longer an IMF for them to be a part of.

The set pieces are good and the characters varied enough yet well gelled. If two characters are a little similar, it’s Hunt and Brandt for the reasons mentioned above. The bad guys are suitably cold, there are plenty of close-up combat scenes and the glamour is in full evidence with huge buildings, flash concept cars and the like being fully utilised.

Sure, you have to suspend your belief a bit (not least of all as to how them manage to make Cruise appear of regular height during the entire film), but it’s well worth it. Unlike Fast Five which just made itself bigger and more silly to up the ante for it’s latest instalment, M:I-GP has gone more for plot. The explosions are more “ouch, that must have hurt” than “wow, what else is there left in the world to blow up?” making for a more enjoyable film overall.

The best thing about it is that it’s not just more of the same. A good balance, a good cast and a good film as a result.

Related articles

• Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol – review – The Guardian (guardian.co.uk)
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• Cinema & Film: Film Review: Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol (coventrytelegraph.net)
• Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol – Movie Review (blazingminds.co.uk)
• Movie Review: ‘Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol’ (pinkisthenewblog.com)
• ‘Mission: Impossible’ gives Bond a run for his money – msnbc.com (entertainment.msnbc.msn.com)

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Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol

Anway. Films.

Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows

“Be careful what you fish for.”

Plot-in-a-nutshell: Moriarty takes a far more visible centre-stage in this sequel to the effects-heavy first film as he threatens to destroy Europe

See it if you like: the last film

I quite enjoyed the first of Guy Ritchie‘s Holmes films, though I’m still not a fan of the World’s Greatest Detective as an action hero. Sure, know that Holmes was a great pugilist but it’s not something that shows up in the original stories too often. On the other hand, big explosions and fights sell more tickets than brain-teasing detective work.

Robert Downey Jr and Jude Law once again take up the mantle of the Victorian answer to the Dynamic Duo, this time with Jared Harris‘ Moriarty providing a more obvious villainous role. Also centre stage is Stephen Fry as Sherlock’s more annoying brother Mycroft.

The direction is very much Guy Ritchie with several set pieces cut into very short, close-up (sometimes internal) shots of mechanics with exaggerated sound effects. He’s been doing this since Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and it’s still quite cool although getting a little long in the tooth. Especially impressive is the forest scene with the cast running from a variety of gunfire. This scene features in the trailer, but the full version is an incredible piece of footage.

Plotwise, the story is far deeper than the first film. As a result it can be a little slow in places. I also found the humour a little darker and less frequent than I recall from the first. This does make it a little more satisfying for an older audience, but probably less suitable for the younger fans who just want to see the action sequences.

It looks gorgeous and the acting it top notch. Downey Jr seems to have found a niche playing aloof characters with a sense of self-superiority. Between Holmes and Tony Stark he has the market cornered.

For a chill out bit of popcorn cinema, watch the original. For an impressive bit of cinema which engages the brain a little more, go for this one.

50/50

“If you were a casino game, you would have the best odds.”

Plot-in-a-nutshell: Man with gutter-brained best friend discovers he has a tumour.

See it if you like: Well-scripted, very well acted social dramas which toy with your emotions

First up, I’m not a huge Seth Rogen fan. The man has one joke which he’s reeled out in every single film he’s ever been in. Basically, he talks about sex in  rather teenager-ish fashion and smokes pot. Not something to slate him for as such, but it gets boring watching someone play the same damn character in every film he’s in.

However, it was he who encouraged his friend Will Reiser to write a screenplay based on his real-life experiences. That, in turn, led to this film. And for that reason alone I will forgive Seth Rogen anything. Obviously, there’s no telling – short of interviewing the guys or perhaps waiting for the commentary on a DVD release – how many of the actual events in the film are exact representations of Reiser’s battle with cancer. I would suspect that the majority are perfectly possible if not likely, and that’s the strength of the movie. Nothing in it stretches the boundaries of belief.

Rogen plays Rogen, as I said. If you like him in other movies, you won’t have any issues with his part in this one. Centrepiece and absolute star of the show, though, is Joseph Gordon-Levitt who plays Adam. He doesn’t make the part look difficult, and he doesn’t milk the “I’ve got cancer, see me suffer” thing. In fact for the vast majority of the film Adam handles things incredibly well, which makes the down points all the more poignant.

The supporting cast are all top notch as well. Some only appear briefly, others worm their way into the storyline. Anjelica Huston plays Adam’s mother and this ranks as one of the best performances I’ve ever seen from her. Strict, motherly, unshakable, domineering and loving. Matt Frewer and Philip Baker Hall join Adam in chemo. Two older guys surprised at the youth of their co-sufferer, yet embracing him into their exclusive little group.

It takes maybe 10 minutes for the film to get going and to realise it’s not simply another Rogen gross-out “comedy”. Perhaps it says a lot that I was nodding off a little during Holmes, an action film, and yet this film had my eyes glued open for pretty much its entire run.

Not one for kids, or those who cry at Lassie films. For everyone else – you simply have to see this film.

Related articles

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Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows / 50/50

The Rum Diary

“We’re out of rum.”

Plot-in-a-nutshell: Alcoholic writer arrives in Puerto Rico, gets involved in local (dodgy) politics. Weirdness and mild amusement ensues.

See it if you like: Slightly weird, off-kilter dramas and/or Johnny Depp.

If you know of Hunter S. Thomson then you’ll know what to expect. Slightly off-centre characters, a touch of illegal drugs and a vat of alcohol form the basis of this entertaining story. Set in 1950′s Puerto Rico, Depp plays Kemp – a reporter brought in from the US to work for the slowly dying local rag.

Disillusioned and drunk, Kemp wants to write about what’s wrong with Puerto Rico. His editor, on the other hand, wants fluffy pieces about bowling alleys and sandy beaches. Unwittingly, Kemp ends up embroiled in one of the very corrupt escapades he despises.

Buddied up with a completely brain-fried Swede (Moburg played by Giovanni Ribisi) and a burnt-out photographer (Sala – Michael Rispoli), he soaks up the island, gets arrested, meets the girl of his dreams, annoys an underworld boss and rails against the bringing-down of the newspaper he was brought in to work for.

There are a handful of genuinely laugh-out-loud moments, and sadly the funniest of these is in the trailer. Other than that, it’s just continually amusing. Largely this is due to the performances from the cast as a whole. The dialogue is poetic and insightful in places, while quick-witted in others. A genuinely nice mix.

It is also, however, a little slow going and the last act does feel a bit “cludged together” just to get the story done.

I did enjoy it, but I don’t think it’s the rolloer-coaster ride of hilarity the trailer made it out to be.

In Time

“Don’t waste my time”

Plot-in-a-nutshell: Time is now currency. Run out and you die. Have loads and you’re effectively immortal.

See it if you like: Sci fi thrillers with a twist, and not having to use your brain too much

I love the premise for this film. When you reach 25 years of age, a little clock kicks in on your arm giving you a year to live. Every second on that clock is currency which can be used to buy things. On the downside when it hits zero, your heart stops. In the meantime, your body doesn’t age.

But how is this currency controlled? What happens when people realise they’re running low, or if they manage to amass a fortune? In Time gives its answers to these questions along with a story of what happens if one man, Will Salas (Justin Timberlake), tries to level the playing field a little.

This isn’t a brain-bender along the lines of Total Recall or Inception. It’s a far simpler and the premise isn’t explored beyond the fact that the world simply is like that. No history, no major twists. The overall theme would likely appeal to all those 99% protesters - isn’t it a little unfair that so many people struggle and suffer while a small percentage have the vast majority of the wealth?

Salas, living in the ghetto just getting by day to day as his job tops up his time, finds himself the beneficiary of a windfall. A hundred years. He decides to use it to get into the more exclusive districts and find out who’s controlling all this time. After all, someone’s making a profit from people “timing out”.

He ends up paired up with excessively-skinny waif Sylvia (Amanda Seyfried – seriously, could get legs be any thinner and still carry her weight?) while being chased by Time Keeper Leon (Cillian Murphy) as he fights to expose the high-end corruption that’s costing ordinary people their lives.

It’s a nice enough popcorn movie with some decent action sequences and, as I said, a great premise. It’ll never be a classic but I don’t think it’s trying to be.

Certainly not  waste of time.

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Rum Diary / In Time

Johnny English Reborn

“Dear God, don’t let me get killed by the Swiss.”

Plot-in-a-nutshell: inept Bond-esque character makes a return only this time he’s not as goofy

See it if you like: Amusing comedy romps with a dash of slapstick which somehow still manage to shoehorn in a decent plot

We (re-)watched the original film the other week as Gillian hadn’t seen it before and, in honesty, it wasn’t as enjoyable as I remember. Still, I was looking forward to seeing Rowan Atkinson back on screen as the clumsy secret agent originally created for a series of Barclaycard commercials. It’s certainly better than another Mr Bean outing (shudder).

The film begins with English back in the bad books after something goes wrong in a job in Mozambique (more of which becomes clear as the story progresses). Stripped of his knighthood and his position with MI7 he is enrolled in a Tibetan monastery. Cue a rather amusing slapstick sequence where Atkinson gets to show off his legendary facial expressions, rubber limbs and comic timing.

The new head of MI7, Pegasus (Gillian Anderson with a posh accent) is forced to draft English back in when an informant insists on speaking only to him. English is partnered with junior agent Tucker (Daniel Kaluuya) who fills in the “sensible” role of Bough from the original without being the same character. Far less experienced and less prepared to pick up English’s mess. In fact, the opening (low speed and comically brilliant) chase sequence shows that the roles have very much been reversed. English with the smarts and Tucker obviously an inexperienced though keen agent.

There’s still a fair amount in the film that’s predictable – it’s that kind of humour – but there are plenty of good laughs that haven’t been spoiled in the trailer. The story isn’t bad, either, with a good handful of twists and turns. The action sequences are appropriately funny/ridiculous and also quite cool in places.

This is far from remake or rehash of the original. Atkinson has taken the English character in a new direction rather than just playing him out in another outing. This film is far better as a result.

Good laughs, great cast, family friendly and definitely recommended.

Real Steel

“You know you’re bringing him home in pieces, right?”

Plot-in-a-nutshell: down-and-out robot boxer discovers he has a son. Robots get smushed. Bonds form.

See it if you like: the idea of unusual combinations of father/son dramas and boxing/sports films.

This was a great film. Exciting, innovative, funny, emotional, visually impressive, imaginative… We loved it and the kids a couple of rows in front were completely enraptured with the fight sequences.

Ex-boxer Charlie Kenton (Hugh Jackman) has fallen into debt with far too many people as he travels the country trying to win cash back as a robot boxer. People no longer box. The viewing public has moved on, wanting to see gigantic metal titans beat each other to scrap.

To add to his problems, Kenton’s old girlfriend dies and he finds himself lumbered with an 11-year-old son, Max (Dakota Goyo), for the summer.

The story then mixes Rocky (if you want to know how much, see the IMDB trivia page for the plot similarities) with a heart-warming drama where Charlie gets to know his son. Stars of the show are the robots, of course. Every single one was built both physically and digitally – and I honestly couldn’t tell the difference between them.

When I look back, the story – certainly as far as the fights – was pretty much by-the-numbers. There are very few original stories left in Hollywood, the trick these days being in how well you tell them. This one is told particularly well. The stunning visuals really help, but the characters and plot are what’s important.

A sequel is mooted for 2014 and part of me is dreading it as this is a nicely-encapsulated story. It doesn’t need a sequel. This is a great movie in its own right.

Contagion

“It’s a bad day to be a rhesus monkey.”

Plot-in–a-nutshell: A virulent virus breaks out and the CDC/WHO are tasked with stopping it as it sweeps across the world

See it if you like: dark dramas with a realistic edge

Imagine that the last Swine Flu or Bird Flu panic wasn’t as blown out of proportion as it seemed. Imagine that the virus really was novel and changing to the point where it spread remarkably quickly, killed in days and was ridiculously hard to cultivate in a lab. This is the premise for Contagion, a dark present-day thriller from Steven Soderbergh.

This film divided Gillian and I. She found it too slow and with not enough accurate information. I found it dark and gripping with just the right balance. It isn’t a fast film, she’s right, but the pace seems to increase as the virus spreads and as the public get more and more out of control.

Focus is very much on the medical staff involved in the case (played by the likes of Laurence Fishburne and Kate Winslet), though there are side-steps into the lives of victims (Matt Damon) and the anti-capitalist brigade (led by an appropriately annoying Jude Law) who believe that the drug companies are withholding cures so as to make more money for themselves.

Nothing like this has happened to us as yet, but it could. Plagues in history have been limited by geography. The way we hop across the globe nowadays means this isn’t going to happen any more. The figures thrown around in the film – tens of millions dead – are scarily possible.

It’s not surprising the performances are good when you look at the number of award winners and nominees up there. Soderbergh has quite the track record as well, though this is the first of his films I’ve seen that I’ve really enjoyed. A shame Gillian didn’t think as much of it as I did.

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Johnny English Reborn / Real Steel / Contagion

Killer Elite

“Blood doesn’t bother me. It’s ink I’m worried about.”

Plot-in-a-nutshell: retired hired assassin is dragged back into the world of shooty death to save the life of a colleague

See it if you like: impressive thrillers dressed up as action films with excellent casts, intriguing “based on real events” storylines and brutal fight scenes

I mentioned the cast up there, and impressive it is indeed. Jason Statham at his very best (actually acting, not just being a tough guy), Robert De Niro in as meaty a role as you’ll ever see him in and Clive Owen crossing the good guy/bad guy part impressively. Yvonne Strahovski (from TV’s Chuck) also appears as the eye candy, getting to use her native Australian accent – though it does sound a little Kiwi. Please don’t tell her I said that.

Unusually for a film that is – or must be – pretty much fiction or at the very least hypothesis, it’s based on events described in a book partially regarded as non-fiction: Sir Ranulph Fiennes‘ The Feather Men. Set around the Oman war, it details or alludes to a large amount of British involvement which to this day is classified under the Official Secrets Act. Read the Wikipedia article (linked previously) for more information on the interesting story behind it.

The film runs for around 2 hours and crams a lot into that time. Statham plays Danny, one of a band of mercenaries who gets out of the game after one job too many. He is dragged in some months later by a rich oil sheikh who wants one last job done – the killing of three SAS soldiers, guilty of killing three of his sons. As an extra incentive for doing the job, Danny’s friend and ex-partner Hunter (De Niro) is held hostage.

Danny drafts a couple of old friends and they set out on their mission, eventually coming up against the novel’s titular “Feather Men” and their rogue member Spike (Owen).

There shouldn’t really be any clear good or bad guys in the film, but of course Hollywood won’t allow that so there’s an element of non-ruthlessness in places where you’d expect more from the characters. Aside from that, it’s a fairly brutal and unforgiving film very well filmed and with some excellent fight scenes and set pieces. Best of all, though, is that they’re wrapped in an excellent plot.

With such a strong cast, it’s almost a relief to have s decent story to go along with it. Nothing is too over-the-top, even the gore. It keeps the interest right the way until the end credits.

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Killer Elite

30 Minutes Or Less

“Sometimes fate pulls out its big ol’ cock and slaps you right in face.”

Plot-in-a-nutshell: Bad man wants to kill other bad man which means paying another bad man which means roping some other poor sap in to rob a bank.

See it if you like: the idea of Harold and Kumar Rob a Bank

Jesse Eisenberg returns to one of his more common roles as a bit of a layabout in this over-the-top comedy. He plays Nick, a pizza delivery guy whose job it is to get pizzas to customers within thirty minutes. Hence the title. Unfortunately, one one fateful delivery he finds himself trussed up, rigged with an explosive vest and ordered to rob a bank of $100,000 by madman Dwayne (Danny McBride) . Dwayne, you see, wants to off his dad and this will cost him a hundred G’s which he doesn’t have.

He teams up with his best friend Chet (Aziz Ansari), and together they set out to try and save Nick’s body from vapourisation. There’s a little more undercurrent in that Nick is in love with Chet’s twin sister, and Chet isn’t really happy about this.

Everything ties together well. There are plenty of characters who are all mad at each other for one reason or another. This means plenty of shouting and insults, most of which are gutter-level. Perfect for a night when the brain just needs to be tickled.

There are plenty of laughs and the story runs along well, never getting tired. Eisenberg and Ansari play very well off each other. I’d really like to see them together in something else in the future.

Certainly not high-brow, but it is funny – something some comedies seem to be lacking these days.

The Change-Up

“You are not having sex with my wife.”

Plot-in-a-nutshell: two life-long friends with very different lives swap bodies after pissing in a fountain together. As you do.

See it if you like: the idea of 17 Again, Vice Versa, Freaky Friday etc. with nob gags.

Ryan Reynolds and Jason Bateman star as Mitch and Dave, two lifelong friends whose lives have gone in different directions. Mitch is a lazy “actor” who womanises and spends his days wasted. Dave is a lawyer pushing for partner with a hot wife (played by Leslie Mann) and three kids. After a few beers one night, they find themselves caught short in front of a fountain, syphon the python and – as they wish they each had the other’s life – something “magical” happens…

The two actors play each other’s characters very well indeed as Mitch tries to handle nappies and MENSA-level pre-teens, and Dave tries to remain faithful to his wife despite landing in Mitch’s bohemian life.

Of course, being an American movie it needs a dollop of schmaltz and life lessons. Thankfully these are handled well, with a good mixture of slapstick, low-brow humour, swearing and a handful of really very touching moments as our two heroes realise where they’re going wrong in their respective lives.

In the background is the search for the fountain, removed by workmen the morning after the incident – a quest reminiscent of Josh’s search for the Zoltar Speaks machine in Big. And what do they guys do when they finally find out where it is?

This is a really enjoyable film, and certainly better than the trailer made me think it would be. There’s a superb balance of giggles, awkward moments and pathos with the whole thing tying together well at the end.

Related articles

• 30 Minutes or Less – review (guardian.co.uk)
• 30 Minutes or Less (15) (independent.co.uk)
• 30 Minutes Or Less… (khmx.radio.com)
• 30 Minutes or Less, review (telegraph.co.uk)
• Review: 30 Minutes or Less (canada.com)
• 30 Minutes or Less: Movie Review (screencrave.com)
• 30 Minutes or Less (creedsdelight.com)

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30 Minutes Or Less / The Change-Up

Instead, we wandered through Asda on the way home and perused the cheap DVD section and grabbed some movies. Gillian watched Shutter Island which I’ve seen before and quite enjoyed it. Next up was a toss-up between Moon and the Coen Brothers‘ Burn After Reading. As Gillian was in the mood for  comedy, and the box said “Comedy Of The Year” we popped that disc in.

Good. Gumption. What a complete load of arse. I mean, “comedy”? Didn’t someone tell them that comedies are supposed to be funny? I’m not even going to give this a full review. Suffice to say that despite an very good cast, it was an utterly awful film and a complete waste of an hour and a half. It was badly scripted, slow, tedious, boring, didn’t go anywhere, and the wrap-up at the end viewed as if someone had told them to cut the last ten minutes and replace it with a quick tie-up.

On Twitter and facebook last night, I found one person and her hubby who had found it hilarious. Pretty much everyone else hated it, including one comment of “Worst. Film. Ever.” Perhaps not. But damn close.

Burn Before Watching would have been a better title.

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Kill ListBurn After Reading

Conan the Barbarian

“By Crom!”

Plot-in-a-nutshell: barbarian loses family and swears vengeance on the baddie who killed them

See it if you  like: muscley men with long hair hitting people with things

If there’s one good thing to say about Conan the Barbarian, it’s that it isn’t a remake of the old Arnie films. Given the huge detailed history given to Conan by his creator, Robert E. Howard, and successive authors following on from him there is plenty to draw from. How, then, did we end up with such a dull and vapid tale as this one?

Jason Momoa is passable as the bulky Cimmerian, though his facial expressions seem to range from annoyed to angry and not an awful lot else. Mind, this is a little better than Leo Howard who plays Conan as a youth and who seems to have modelled his part on some kind of pissed-off wolf cub. With a pet lip.

The film shows its cheesy intentions from the opening sequence where Conan is born and held aloft on the battlefield. Well, a really shitty obviously rubber fake baby is held aloft anyway. While dad (Ron Perlman) roars. As you do on a battlefield when people are running around you with big bloody swords.

As far as plot goes, it’s about as deep as the 80′s versions. That is to say as deep as a thin film of water spilled on your worktop. It’s pretty predictable, the characters are just as shallow and the action sequences are about the only thing to alleviate the tedium. The “sand creatures” which appear in one sequence are particularly well done, although I swear the exact same piece of footage of a creature jumping in the air is used about five times.

Yeah, you may have guessed I wasn’t that impressed. Gillian summed it up:

“Even Red Sonja was better than that.”

The Guard

“I can’t tell if you’re really motherfucking dumb, or reallymotherfucking smart.”

Plot-in-a-nutshell: A member of the Garda comes up against some seriously nasty drug smugglers.

See it if you like: Good British (yes, I know, it’s Irish but the style’s the same) detective dramas with a heavy hand of quirk.

And here’s David. All set up with a large Irish sling with which to smack Goliath firmly in the temple. $6m up against $90m. That’s a big gulf to cross. How could it possibly hope to compete?

The most simple answer is – by having a far superior script. The Guard actually has a great story. And some wonderful characters, one in particular – Sergeant Gerry Boyle (Brendan Gleeson). The quote above comes from Don Cheadle‘s FBI agent shortly into the film and I was actually thinking this about Boyle shortly before the question is raised. He’s a wonderfully written enigma and portrayed perfectly by Gleeson.

So, what happens? Boyle is a police officer in the arse end of nowhere in West Ireland. Cheadle arrives with information about some rather nasty drug dealers in the area and things kick off. This isn’t Lethal Weapon in scale, and the humour is far darker than you’d get in most Hollywood movies. In fact, the closest I can think of offhand is In Bruges which, coincidentally I assume, also stars Gleeson.

If I have an issue it’s that the film seems to try too hard to be funny at the start with a bit too much in the way of bad language and forced humour. Once things settle down, roughly around the time Cheedle’s character appears, the humour settles in and becomes far more natural.

As well as the crime and laughs, there’s a lovely side-story relating to Boyle’s mother who is dying of cancer. There’s no real reason for this little splinter of a story to be there other than to develop the protagonist’s personality. And it works.

It’s films like this that restore my faith in cinema at times. Please, if you have the choice of only catching some stupid sword and sandals flick (even worse, the aforementioned crock in 3-flipping-D) and this little pearl, hand your coins to David so he can load them into his sling.

Related articles

• Conan the Barbarian – review (guardian.co.uk)
• Conan the Barbarian (ypsichik.com)
• Movie Fanatic Reviews: Conan the Barbarian, One Day (thehollywoodgossip.com)
• Conan The Barbarian, review (telegraph.co.uk)
• ‘Conan the Barbarian’ is all blood and no story (today.msnbc.msn.com)
• ‘Conan the Barbarian’ Review (screenrant.com)
• Conan the Barbarian, A movie review about a great movie from Unofficial Games (zzarchov.blogspot.com)
• The Guard: The most arresting cop film of the year? (telegraph.co.uk)

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Conan the Barbarian / The Guard