Used Midget

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Used midget, anyone?

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The front fell off

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q_BLggf-mqs

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I thought fishing was meant to be relaxing?

If you like HHGTTG and Dr Who you will utterly love this. It’s not just the style and the music, it’s the number of references to both sources that pop up throughout. An incredible piece of work.

As an aside, when I checked the video directly on YouTube, it had precisely 42 ratings

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1OCtALC4nJI

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The Hitchhiker’s Guide To Daleks

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OK, so the French do have a sense of humour

D'OH!

A friend of mine works in a call centre and today had a little tiff with a customer. A customer who obviously likes to throw big words around, but who doesn’t understand what they mean. This sentence she quoted me creased me up:

“Right, OK. I won’t speak ‘hypothetically’ since you have such a problem with it but let’s just say…”

In the words of the great Homer J.: “D’oh!”

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Dealing with numpties

My job is so fucking unbelievable. I’ll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. She is extremely self-centered and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career oppertunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I’m not sure she even showers, much less shaves her “womanly” parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in heat.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I’m sure after work. He probably hasn’t been sober anytime in the last ten years, and he’s only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960’s, and to make things worse, he brings his big fucking dog to work. Every fucking day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it’s trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonalds and Burger King, every single fucking day.

Anyway, I drive these fucktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shit.

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LOL – actual genuine lol

...and no unbiased elections either

Walking down the streets of Tehran wearing a t-shirt from a Jewish band emblazoned with the slogan “FUCK YOU WE’RE FROM ISRAEL” then trying to explain to the police that you’re wearing it because you lost a bet while you were getting drunk.

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Bad ideas #28

For sex toys only

If you want to make sure your Guitar Hero batteries don’t keep wearing out, ensure your partner’s sex toys all run on AAA batteries so she doesn’t keep nicking the AAs out of your controller.

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Handy Household Hints #176

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Snatch Wars