Unknown

“Do you know what it feels like to become insane?”

Plot-in-a-nutshell: Bio-chemist involved in car accident wakes after 4 days to find someone else has stolen his life.

First things first. If you’ve seen the trailer and have a memory more efficient than a small bowl-encapsulated piscean life form, then don’t spend your cash. On the other hand, if you don’t know much about what happens then it’s not a bad bit of entertainment.

Liam Neeson plays Dr Martin Harris, newly arrived in Berlin for a conference along with his wife (January Jones). He is involved in a car accident and drops into a coma, awakening four days later. He discharges himself from hospital to find his wife – who doesn’t recognise him. She’s with another Dr Martin Harris and “our” Harris is left out in the cold.

Now, let’s assume the trailer more or less left it there. That would be fine. Only it doesn’t. It shows at least three major plot moments taking us right  up until the final couple of minutes of the film. Hell, one character is effectively one of the movie’s twists – and the trailer shows them very much post-twist, totally spoiling around 30 minutes of the film if you’ve seen it.

OK, so I managed to guess the final events well before they happened even though the evil trailer didn’t show them. It’s not incredibly clever, but it is a decent thriller with some good twists – if you don’t already know about them.

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Unknown

The A-Team

Big, brash and silly this is a great update of a classic bit of TV trash.

The A-Team

“He’s trying to fly that tank”

Remakes and updates are dangerous territory. There’s the risk of destroying fond memories or of throwing money at a project that simply doesn’t match up to the original. A-Team manages to be a great modern version of something which, when I went back to watch it recently, was really rather crap.

With the special effects being done by WETA and several other houses, you know this is going to be just chock full of graphics, stunts and over-the-top silliness. It certainly doesn’t disappoint. Any of you who care about the laws of physics would be well recommended to take a “suspend belief” pill before settling into your seat.

The film very much acts as a “how it all began” story, sticking fairly well to the original premise. One major difference, though, is that people do get shot and killed – something that never seemed to happen in the TV series. Hannibal (Liam Neeson) is the head honcho with all the ideas, Quinton Jackson is a huge, mohawked BA Baracus, Bradley Cooper woos the ladies as Faceman and Sharlto Copley is a suitably bonkers “howling mad” Murdock.

Jackson, in honesty, is a little clunky and hard to understand at the start of the film. I’m guessing he’s an ex-wrestler or something and making a break into films due to his bulk. The rest of the cast are pretty much spot on. The banter between them is also sharp and got quite a few laughs from the Vietnamese crowd (and myself).

For some reason it still felt a little over-long and segmented, but perhaps that was down to me being ridiculously tired when I watched it. It’s definitely over-the-top, has some utterly stupid stunts (even moreso than The Losers, which is saying something) and almost certainly will lead to a sequel.

Dare I hope for as good an update for Airwolf?

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A-Team review

Clash of the Titans

“But you are not just a man.”

Plot-in-a-nutshell: Perseus (Sam Worthington) is rescued from the sea as a baby by a fisherman, grows up to find out he’s the son of Zeus and has to save the world.

I settled on the 2D version of Clash of the Titans as the film times suited better. This is a hugely effects-based film, and you can spot the sections where the 3D would “enhance” things. Most of them look rather forced. Actually, most of the film is rather forced.

I’ll be fair – I saw the film at a 7pm showing having had four hours’ sleep, getting to bed at 7am that morning. This may not have helped, but my cine-going companion shared almost all of my views and she’d had a decent night’s kip. Both of us summed it up at the end with “Hmmm” and a shrug. Not what you want from an explosive action epic.

I think we’re hitting an problem with films made up predominantly of special effects. We’ve seen it all before, quite often in the trailers. The one for Clash shows the giant scorpions and the Kraken – the huge beastie from the climax. They’re impressively done… but they just don’t seem “special”. I mean, how many films have you seen over the last year with some huge CGI monster in it? I’ve seen loads.

While the effects are very well done, the overall impression of the film is pretty scrappy. I don’t know whether it’s deliberate but the giant scorpion battle scene is reminiscent of the old Harryhausen epics in more than just idea. While the monsters are somewhat better animated than the old stop-motion ones, they don’t seem to fit on the screen properly, seeming a bit washed out. I seem to remember the old chroma key techniques giving the same unwanted effect.

As has been pointed out in a load of other reviews, this is a film that was crying out for a remake with modern technology. I love the original, but it’s fair to say the animated monsters are a little dated. However, it’s far better scripted and less ostentatious than this modern effort. One bit that really tipped me against the new one was a near-throwaway moment. Perseus picks up a mechanical owl from a box and asks what it is. He’s told to just leave it. To me, that seemed more of a slap in the face to Harryhausen’s original than a homage.

Much as you can say it looks better than the 1981 film, it simply isn’t a better piece of entertainment. I think a lot of it boils down to it being far too simple. They’ve taken a masterpiece of theatre – such that the original was – and turned it into a low-brow, effect-heavy show reel.

The gods look incredibly gay (PC police – sod off) with their over-shiny armour. Except Hades who, in fairness, has some awesome effects related to his appearance – much as the same character did in the recent Percy Jackson film. Liam Neeson manages to utter a wonderfully commanding “Release the Kraken!” but otherwise, the dialogue just isn’t up to much.

I’ll finish with some dialogue from the end of the original. Theatrical? Perhaps. But isn’t that how gods should be? There is simply nothing in this updated version to compare. For more, check out the IMDB quotes page for the 1981 film. Gorgeous prose.

Zeus: Perseus has won. My son has triumphed.

Hera: A fortunate young man.

Zeus: Fortune is ally to the brave.

Thetis: What a dangerous precedent. What if there more heroes like him? What if courage and imagination became everyday mortal qualities? What will become of us?

Zeus: We would no longer be needed. But, for the moment, there is sufficient cowardice, sloth and mendacity down there on Earth to last forever.

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Clash of the Titans

From Paris with Love

A busy day at the cinema today as I played catchup on some films. Four in all – Legion, Exit Through the Gift Shop, Chloe and From Paris With Love. Three more tomorrow if I can fit them all in, too.

Legion

“Don’t be afraid. I just want to play with the baby.”

Plot-in-a-nutshell: God’s a bit bored with humanity so decides to wipe it out – but one angel stands in his way.

Legion is fine a simple B-movie kind of way. Paul Bettany is about as far away from his verbose Chaucer (A Knight’s Tale) as could be while still managing to be cool and rather scary as a fallen Michael.

The entire film, near as dammit, takes place in a diner in the middle of nowhere where a pregnant woman holds the fate of humanity in her womb. Why, we don’t know. Just that if her child survives then God is a bit screwed in his attempts to wipe our humanity.

Actually, virtually nothing is made clear over the length of the film. If God sent a flood the last time he got pissed off, why is he sticking to vulnerable possessed human bodies this time?

Basically, the whole film makes about as much sense as the British legal system. Luckily it manages to be slightly more entertaining. Not bad if you switch your brain into neutral.

Exit Through the Gift Shop

Plot-in-a-nutshell: Mad video cameraman becomes mad artist

Rhys Ifans narrates this rather unusual documentary about a documentary about street art. The central character is one Thierry Guetta – who goes on to become Mr Brainwash, an artist who takes his inspiration from street art and makes a mint. He did the cover art for Madonna’s Great Hits a couple of years ago, doncha know.

Guetta begins as a compulsive cameraman with thousands of hours of footage of street artists at work. This he gains by telling them he’s filming a documentary. Which never existed. Frankly, the guy’s a nutter – but one who takes gambles that seem to pay off.

The film follows his adventures in getting this footage and then his own leap into the world of art.

Star of the show, though, is Banksy who Guetta befriended. As well as being quite a talented and controversial artist, the man has the most perfect comic timing. I think pretty much every one of his lines raised a laugh in the audience.

Not your normal cinema fare, but a very watchable documentary on a fairly contentious subject.

Chloe

Plot-in-a-nutshell: A woman suspects her husband of infidelity and hires a prostitute to see if he really is straying. With disastrous consequences.

I’ve never seen Fatal Attraction but I have a feeling this has pinched a bit from the basic plotline. Catherine (Julianne Moore) has an inkling that that her hubby (Liam Neeson) is cheating on her when he “misses a flight” home from work one weekend. In a bid to test him she hires a prostitute, Chloe (a very hot Amanda Seyfried), to approach him and see if he is prepared to stray.

Of course, it gets complicated.

Now it’s fairly predictable even if the acting’s OK. And the ending is a little bit of an “easy out”. But at least there’s a rather hot sex scene which did keep me awake for a minute or two. Hey, I have two little dogs sleeping in my bedroom at the minute. One of them snores and they both wake up at 6:30am.

This isn’t a classic but I’ve seen worse films of this type.

From Paris With Love

“Now tell me that’s not some impressive shit.”

Plot-in-a-nutshell: government worker gets dragged into “proper” secret agent work with his new less-than-mild-mannered partner.

Remember when you first saw Lethal Weapon? They way your straight-laced police officer partnered so well with a psycho? That magic is actually back (unlike the attempt they made with LW4) with John Travolta‘s latest effort.

Jonathan Rhys Meyers is James Reece, a diplomatic aide with aspirations to become a “proper” agent. His chance comes with the arrival of Wax (Travolta) on the trail of some drug pedlars and terrorists. Oh, and it’s set in Paris hence the title. And the nice scenery. And the excellent car chases.

Yes, I have decided that the best car chase scenes all seem to be in European films. Sure, the American ones are bigger but can you top the class of the likes of The Transporter, Ronin or The Italian Job (original version)? Trust me, you can’t. It’s my blog and I’m right.

Travolta is both utterly mad and incredibly cool. He swears a lot. He fires big guns. A lot. And he kicks much ass. While swearing. Profusely.

From Paris is the best kind of buddy/buddy action film. Utterly over the top, pretty violent, action packed, stereotype bad guys, throwaway lines and cracking dialogue. Oh, and a great reference to Pulp Fiction. Just as an extra.

Perfect popcorn viewing.

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Angels, artists, adultery and (secret) agents