New toy

I’ve been meaning to do this for a while. Eyes left, my faithful followers, and peruse the new addition – polls. Yes, you too can now have more feedback on here. Answer many silly questions that I’ll post as and when and then I’ll ridicule you all for not agreeing with me.

I stuck with Bravenet because I’m used to them, but this does mean you have to go to another page for the polls. On the other hand, I can have up to 10 questions at once without them streaming down the left hand edge and requiring much messing with the template every time I update.

As it stands, I’ll mention on a post if there’s a new poll. When I close one, I’ll post the results here (like you’ll care by then), and you can see the current poll(s) listed on the left to see if it’s worth your while popping to the poll page.

Bravenet restricts you to one response per IP address per day. Try not to feck the results, because I’ll only “adjust” them in a George W Bush stylee before publishing them if I don’t like the way it’s gone.

For our first poll – root beer. Is it the bee’s knees, or the horse’s knackers? You decide!

It’s started…

The first subtle signs were a week or two ago. Some vague muzak in the background in a KFC or Woolies or somewhere. But now it’s everywhere.

I was sat having breakfast in McDs on the M1 yesterday (yes, I ate a McD’s breakfast. I’m an unhealthy bastard. Sue me) and all I could hear was “Dashing through the snow… dum dum dum dum dee” and so forth.

Affronted by this, I finished my bacon butty (I didn’t want it to go cold), climbed onto my seat and rooted through the fake foliage until I found the hidden speaker. Removing my shoe, I battered the speaker until the support brcket gave way and I ripped it off the wall, wires dangling and sparking.

Pulling a knife from my pocket, I popped the cover of the speaker off and places it face up on the seat. I then dropped my trousers and squeezed a huge turd onto it in full view of the staff.

Popping the cover back on, I climbed back up and tied the wires back together, leaving it dangling in space, shit oozing through the speaker grille.

I dropped my muffin into my bag, picked up my stuff and went back to the car (via the loo to wash my hands – I’m not a scruff).

Well. OK. I didn’t do all that. But I did get a bit miffed and think about doing it. May I please get the first “bah humbug” of the year in now.

Hmmph. Grr. TRAFFIC!

What a couple of days. I got home last night to find my laptop had died. not a big worry as it’s not mine, it’s work’s. But this is my only work machine. No laptop… no internet in the office all day. Scary.

Anyways, I sussed it’s just the power supply that’s died (£50 inc courier delivery for a knock-off, £120 for a genuine Sony part) so another has been ordered and should be there for me tomorrow with any luck. This will allow me to keep tabs on you lot.

An early start was necessary this morning as I was off to Tamworth for a nice, simple server migration. I had to go via the office to check that someone else’s power supply worked on my lapotop (it did – thus proving that it was my PSU), so I set off around 7:30. This is early for me, I know it isn’t for some of you. My heart bleeds.

Broom down the M1. Broom, I say. *screech*

OK, that was Sheffield. It’s always crap. Past Sheffield. *BROOM* once more. Then *screech*.

Arse. Once big sodding queue from junction 31 to junction 23a. I didn’t get about 30 mph for the entire stretch. I was hoping to be on site for 10:00. I arrived at 11:20. Feck. And do you know what caused the slowdown? No? Well neither do I.

Nothing at all was mentioned on the radio. Only the M6 and M62 had problems as far as the people in London were concerned. No crap on the carriageway, no burning wrecks, no spillages, on corpses, no rampaging herds of wildebeest. Nowt.

I have a theory. The Government are trying to convince everyone to use our shiny wonderful rail service as it’s good for The Environment. And they’ve sunk billions of quid into it and they feel a little silly that it’s still shit. So, what they do every rush hour is send out groups of cars onto every motorway. Their job is simple – drive side by side and at 7:27… STOP.

They slam on their anchors. Stop still for 5 minutes so that everything starts to concertina behind them, then they bugger off leaving no trace. Due to the weight of traffic, this causes a huge queue with no obvious reason for it being there.

If I catch them, I’ll kill them, I swear. My average speed getting to site was 33mph. My average on the way back was over 60, but that’s because I beat their rush hour trap.

Well, job done and I’m home. I think I’ll sit and watch more Quantum Leap. Spooks is on at 9, Monkey Dust and 2DTV after that. Then I may remove my eyeballs to give them a rest.