What do *you* want?

Lola has a very good post on her blog today. Deep, insightful and honest. It lists what she looks for in a partner, what she hopes to find and why she looks for these properties and characteristics.

I replied to her post and I agree with pretty much everything she put. I reckon almost everyone I know would look through it and say “yup… I agree” to most of her criteria. Thing is… is that all it takes? Bar the magic “spark” that changes a friendship into a good relationship, is it possible to just tick boxes and go “you’ll do”?

The only one I’ll add to her list is “Must want children… and fairly soon”.

I won’t rip her text off. Please visit the link and have a look. Comment there or comment here.

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the spark’s the thing – there’s no rhyme or reason to it but if it ain’t there then it ain’t there and nothing in the world can force it into being.

I personally believe that it can hit you at any age or however long you’ve known someone – you might not go far with it and it can go out if the rest of the package leaves you cold or doesn’t fit or you’re not both prepared to work at it or whatever, but oh that spark…

even after many years, you still need to find yourself looking at that significant other every so often and thinking ‘phwoar’ or ‘THAT’s what I love about you’


See, that’s what I was like – and still *am* like – over Lou. I still think about how I felt when I woke next to her, or how I just couldn’t stop holding her hand. And this is a year on.

It’s not just the spark… it’s the fact that despite everything and the length of time since I’ve even *seen* her that it’s still there.

As I said elsewhere, I’ve met some amazing people over the intervening months including some lovely women. I want to try with someone, see if that spark appears but I’m worried I’ll hurt them in the process (already have done with one) should it not work out. After all, I’m still hooked on another person… To spark with a new one, I have to let the first fire die – and it won’t.


unrequited sparks are the worst – whether they used to be mutual & now they’re not or whether the other person never had the spark for you in the first place

I remember it’s just such a mind **** – if you feel like this massive glowing fabulousness for someone, how on earth can they possibly NOT feel the same about you – argghhh!

I finally got it was possible the first time I was the sparkless one to someone’s spark – I got it that someone feeling that for you doesn’t necessarily ignite a response inside, no matter how great a person you think they are

But it’s still bloody hard.

The feeling you have now may never completely go – albeit it will subside to a small glow over time. Or one day you’ll realise that it’s not there anymore and you can’t quite remember when it was last there – or it’ll suddenly transfer to someone else and wooohoooo – welcome to the rollercoaster again!

Let’s face it, the alternative is turning into Miss Haversham and a grubby lace wedding dress just isn’t you dahling…!


I’m just sick of feeling like this. 14 months, I think it is. And still I have times when I feel physically sick because of the emotions. I am so down that I can’t have conversations with other people. I can’t sleep, and when I wake up I can’t nod off again.

This is seriously not good for my health šŸ™

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