Selfish footballers

Nostrils by David Shankbone

We all know how tasty and satisfying a good sniff is. Or a lovely delve into the nostrils to howk out a sizeable bogey to chow down on as an aperitif. So it really annoys me that with all the starving in the world, the likes of Ronaldo (both of them), Rooney, Beckham – hell, even our own dear Shearer – can be guilty of a horrendous waste of snot.

Many is the time I’ve seen a professional football player snorting a nostril or two full of sticky nose-juice onto the ground during a game. I know they’re rich and I know they drive stupid cars and wear suits that cost more than I earned in a year. I know they can wipe their arses with gold credit cards and use a fresh condom every time they have sex. But to be seen on TV throwing good food on the ground when there are millions starving in the Third World is nothing short of a disgrace.

A campaign should be started to force them to blow it out into a bag. After the game, it could be shipped to a needy child in Ethiopia or the Sudan who can’t generate enough bogies of their own for a good snort. Think of the children! Please, will someone think of the children? And the bogies.

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6 thoughts on “Selfish footballers”

  1. Sometimes I think I get you…then you post something like this and I have to go vomit my breakfast back up.

    Thanks sweetie!

  2. mmmmm, snot

    the joy of going up to London, breathing in crap all day then a good rummage on the train home – marvellous!

  3. Alternatively it’s a bugger if you’ve been in the moshpit at a festival on a hot and dusty day. Makes your snot all gritty and crunchy. No flavour at all.

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