Thumbs up to LloydsTSB

Clipart of bills and coins

Yup, I complain about banks. But as ever in fairness, good and professional customer treatment deserves a mention also. Step up Lloyds TSB.

This evening I was checking my mail when I got a message from my dad with two scanned pages attached. Somehow my Lloyds account had gone over my overdraft limit. Strange as I’ve not touched the account in at least a year. The last transaction was a minute interest payment (of about 1p) in March.

So I went to the online banking for the first time in… I don’t know how long. And discovered about 10 transactions from September 8th to September 25th, all in Malaysia.

I ran back to my hotel room and, yup, the card was gone. I kept it in a bag within a bag, so someone had been rooting to find it. They’d also left my Advanced PADI card and a credit card in the same compartment untouched. I’d simply not checked on the card in ages as I don’t use it – it’s a backup in case my Nationwide card gets pinched.

Needless to say I’m mystified how they were using it. It actually looks like ATM withdrawals which is astounding as nobody could know my PIN. It wasn’t written down (I’ve never written it down since I selected it), I couldn’t have been overlooked using it and it couldn’t have been “skimmed” – the last two simply as I’ve not used the card since Thailand over two years ago, as far as I can recall.


Well, I called the stolen card number. Of the twenty minutes I was on the phone, I spent maybe three in total on hold. The rest of the time I was talking to someone to get my card blocked, and then to another person sorting out a refund of the fees and a “fraud” form that I need to sign.

Thankfully, as my passport proves, I was in Indonesia for all but one of the withdrawals. I also think I can prove I was in a different part of Malaysia when that one withdrawal went through. I have a feeling they’re all in Kuala Lumpur and I was in Tanah Rata on the 8th.

With any luck, they’ll try to use the blocked card again somewhere and get caught. A shame that, even though it’s a Muslim country, I don’t think Malaysia chops hands off thieves any more. I know I’d like ten minutes in a locked cell with the cunts.

Thing is, this makes three visits to Kuala Lumpur and two thefts – I had my PSP swiped on my last stopover. Somehow I have a better vibe about Lloyds TSB than Kuala Lumpur these days.

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Words of sense from El Tel

I never thought I’d see the day, but some reasonable and honest words from the footballing world. Terry Venables on turning down the Newcastle managerial position:

“All they could guarantee was that I’d be in a job until Mike Ashley sells the club whenever that might be. As flattered and honoured as I was to be approached by Newcastle, in the end it wasn’t that difficult a decision for me to decline their offer.

The Newcastle supporters have suffered more than enough in recent years. I didn’t want them to think I’d gone up there just to pocket a few quid from Mike Ashley and then wave ‘cheerio’ a couple of weeks later.”

Tel, thank you for being honest and above board. However, this does seem like we’re likely to end up with David O’Leary so our team will be reduced to a bunch of “boys”.

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Can it get any worse?

Newcastle United crest: 1983 1988.

Now is not a time to be a Newcastle United fan. Good grief.

I didn’t get to watch the game last night as it was on at around 3am over here, and the only places in Bali open that late are playing thuddy dance crap and not showing football matches. From what I’ve read, it was a shit game anyway – quoting “the least worst team prevailed”.

Now there’s news that Terry Venables is to helm us until we get new ownership. While he kept Boro afloat after Bryan Robson did his best to sink them, he didn’t enjoy as much luck at Leeds (if my memory serves).

Add to that the rumours kicking around (mainly from Obafemi Martins‘ agent) that a Nigerian conglomerate are looking at buying us out and we start to look like a sodding soap opera again. Yes, they’ll put Kevin Keegan back at the helm. Yes, he supports their plans. No, I don’t believe a word of it.

Call me cynical or overly web-history-sensitive, but if someone mentions “Nigeria” the first two words that spring into my mind are “scam” and “corruption”. Unfair, perhaps, but there you go. Are we sure this isn’t some email thing?

Hello my respected wonderful colleeg,

My name is Bolngwu Ebanji and I am a lawyer of most respected degree reprezenting my  candidates of high standing who are very rich indeed. We have seen the problems besetting your most wondrus soccer squad and wish to help.

We wish to purchase your club for the sum of UK450million (four hundred and fifty million British pounds) and offer this in all of good faith and good intenshuns in which I am sure you will except it.

Unfortunately, all of our money is held in the country by lawyers operating for the head of our conglomeratz’ uncle, Mr Debolo Mungkawi, who passed away and joined our Hevaenly Jesus, one year ago. So that we may proceed to release this cash, please can you be send us the banking details of your soccer club?

We need the name of the account, account numbers, sort codes, access codes, copies of signatures, fax numbers, voice recordings of those authorised to access it and so forth. These we all need with all due haste so that we may begin proceedings to move the money from our country to yours.

In exchahge for this we will give you Kevin Keegan and the sum of UK50m (FIFTY million British Pounds) to spend on new players and moonshine.

Waiting to hear from you with news of our upcoming good future and partnership

In God and Jesus,

Roy KeaneBolngwu Ebanji (Mr)

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