To whit, another in my extremely limited series of culinary hints and tips:
How to make a cup of coffee in a shared kitchen
1) Use a ******* dry teaspoon. It only takes a second to wipe it on your trousers or whatever. Anything on it will be dropped in scalding water shortly so don’t worry about bogies you’ve wiped on your thigh. Nobody will catch a cold. But make sure the damn thing is dry.
2) Just to be on the safe side – sugar in the cup first. Note: sugar first. Not coffee.
3) A separate step for this as it seems to be beyond the grasp of most coffee drinkers despite following on so closely from rule 2. Coffee second. That’s “second”. As in after the sugar.
Stir, return to desk, enjoy.
By following these simple steps you’ll eliminate the incredibly annoying problem of dropping dollops of coffee powder into the ******* sugar and therefore stopping them ending up in my ******* cup of ******* tea. You *****.
Failing that, just drink tea and **** coffee.
Yes, I’ve had a bad day and a ******* worse cup of tea.