Evil toaster destroyers

[another one written before I left home in March]

I had someone over recently and, being the polite host, asked if they wanted something to eat. "Cheese on toast" was the cheery reply.

Bastards. You invite someone over, show them common courtesy and they try and pull a practical joke on you. I mean, it’s all well and good asking a new apprentice to go and get some left-handed screws or a tin of tartan paint, but this could have been dangerous and knackered my toaster.

Had I not been as smart as I am, I could easily have been caught out. After all, how many people have sliced some cheese, layed it gently on the bread and then popped it into the toaster to cook? I’m not stupid. The cheese would drop straight off the bread and get all over the toaster elements. Fire could result and I’d certainly have to fork out for a new toaster.

Bloody irresponsible. That’s what I call it. Besides, I’ve already set fire to one toaster.

The perils of eating healthy food

I went to the loo today, wiped and – as any health consious person does – had a quick check of the paper-borne smearage. It was black. Not dark brown, but black.


Ask a doctor. Black equals congealed blood and is very bad news. The thing is, it’s usually linked to things like stomach ulcers and they hurt like all hell. And the worst I’ve had in the last 2 days is a bit of trapped wind that I released with gusto in the Vic last night (and managed to blame on someone else).

Then I glanced into the bowl. Ah, not black. Very, very, very dark green. The water in the Great White God Telephone had diluted my plop and shown that my poop was (for the second time in my memory) actually just been hugely affected by food colouring.

There is a lesson to be learned here: eat 300g of soft-eating liquorice in one go and youre **** turns green. It’s not a great lesson, but it’s a lesson nontheless.

I still have a 300g bag of soft-eating strawberry liquorice. I wonder if I’m going to **** red tomorrow?

Ooh, big gap again

Apologies for not posting but I’ve simply not been able to get online for about 2 weeks. Living in tents, sitting on a bus in 40-degree heat and swimming in naturally heated pools or climbing hige mountains and stuff doesn’t leave a lot of time. And when I could get online it was something insane like £10 an hour from some kiosks. Sorry, but you lot aren’t worth that.

Travel blog is being updated right now with a tonload of stuff, but as usual Picasa’s failing to post most of the pictures properly, ******* thing. Arse.

IE 7 released and…

… well… it’s the usual pile of pants. More secure? Probably. Faster? Maybe. Huge download forced on people even though they may be on dialup as it’s classed as aN “IMPORTANT” patch? Yup.

I’ve used it for roughly ten minutes and only as one survey site I go to insist on IE; it simply won’t work with another browser. Each page is a “click the options” one (it’s a survey after all) and now before every single page I have to clear a dialogue asking me if I want the next page to have access to my clipboard. I can’t find an option to turn this off, though I guess it’s somewhere in the security options that I can’t be bothered looking through.

Another thing I don’t like is the removal of the text menu options (File, Edit and so on), though they can be “popped up” by hitting the ALT key. This, apparently, is to reduce “toolbar creep” which can “take up to 1/3 of the browser window”. Yes. If you’re a compete moron who downloads every toolbar known to man and has a spyware-infested PC. And if that’s the case, having a single half-height line removed will make next to no difference anyway.

Final minor whinges are also cosmetic. The inclusion of a search box in the top right which allows you to use any search engine seems OK… only the one toolbar I *do* use is Google’s which has this function anyway. In addition to which that one box lets me search Google normally, Google News, Google Images, Google Video, GMail, etc., etc., etc. Which pretty much makes the inbuilt one redundant. And there’s no way to remove it.

The other buttons included on the toolbar for IE are for some reason places along the new “tab” bar (and I don’t like tabbed browsing either – I disable it on Firefox). Thing is, the program seems to have decided that these appear from left to right starting at a certain point, so on a non-full size window you have those annoying “more” arrows so you can’t see all of the available icons without clicking. Why not have them right-justified if there’s space due to a lack of tabs?

The only way to give feeback to MS now (that they won’t listen to) is via a newsgroup. Essentially, it’s got through the release candidate bit, the general public have it and (until someone hacks it which will inevitably happen soon enough) they’ll wash their hands of any fixes.

Thanks, but I’ll stick with Firefox. Although, even that has it’s annoyances. Most irritating one is that if you have a large text box on the screen (let’s say your Blogger template) and you use the inbuilt search (CTRL-F) function, said textbox is ignored. Gah.

Oh, and a quick question. If Google and Firefox are so much in cahoots, how come the Google toolbars always come out for IE first? I want my Bookmarks online, dammit!