Black and White and Shitting all over

Newcastle United F.C.
TOON! TOON!

Anyone else here bricking themselves about today’s little kickabout? I’ll likely be in a pub in Dundee that sells reasonably-priced Brown Ale and as near the comforting arms of my better half in case the worst happens. And which sells comfortable-priced Brown Ale and is near the celebratory arms of my better half should the best happen.

Realistically, sorry Sharon, Boro are down – short of some excessive goalscoring. Other than that I’d say it’s even stevens between us, Hull and the forces of darkness as to who takes that third Place of DOOM.

Anything could happen not accounting for massive goal difference shifts):

  • We lose, we’re down. End of.
  • We draw and Hull lose, Hull are down.
  • We draw and Hull draw, we’re down.
  • We win and Hull lose or draw, Hull are down.
  • We win and Hull win and  mackems lose, mackems are down.

This is it unless Hull can overcome a 5-goal goal difference as compared to the scum, in which case a draw could be enough for them to push the mackems down. It does depend on Chelsea winning by five or more clear goals…

I’m actually shaking slightly as I type this. Nerves or excitement, I don’t know which. Perhaps just blind panic.

HOWAY THE LADS!

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Closing stages

Newcastle United F.C.
Toon! Toon!

Let the arse-puckering begin. After a well-fought 3-1 win over Middlesbrough this evening (well, yesterday evening – it’s late o’clock), Newcastle now sit outside the drop zone, 2 points below the mackem filth. Hull sit just beneath us, but our goal difference is 7 for the better – and currently the same as the unwashed horde’s.

What’s interesting is the run-in. We have Fulham at home and Aston Villa away. By the last game of the season, Villa’s place will already have been cemented. The only thing they’ll have to play for is the fans – and how many professional footballers give a crap about them when putting too much effort in could result in an injury and a ruined summer holiday?

Hull have Bolton and ManU. They could scrape a point from the former, but even a second-string ManU side will run rings round them, the form they’re both in right now.

The scum have Portsmouth then Chelsea. Again, one possible and one you just can’t see them getting anything from.

As such, we seem to have the better run-in.

Of course – bridges/crossing, chickens/hatching. But there’s still an inkling of a chance that we could stay up while the forces of darkness drop down to where they belong.

Is it too early to get my hopes up? Don’t answer that. Of course it is.

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Boring, boring football

I was walking back to the hotel from diving when I saw a few places advertising the footie for tomorrow. It seems the highlight game with an early kickoff is the mackem filth v the boro.

“Ooh,” I though, “In lieu of our game not being shown (surprise) that could be worth watching.”

Then I realised what I’d just thought.

No. No, it won’t be. Boro have been boring for years and the mackems are just ****. Basically, the only reason I want to watch it is to see the forces of darkness lose. But I also don’t want Boro getting any more points. So it’d just be frustrating.

I’ll spend the time studying instead. Or drinking heavily in a non-sports bar.

Down where you belong

The ****** gesture - fingers and thumb in circle downward motion

With the 2-0 loss that’s just come in against Bolton, it pleasures me to say that Sunderland will now finish the season where they belong – below Newcastle. Not far enough below, warranted, and in the wrong division next season but down below us all the same.

******* mackem scum. At least it’s another 6 points next season.