I’m 30. With any luck I’ll live to be about 90 but I’m never going to get to do and see everything I want. Which is a kinda morbid viewpoint but it’s pissing me off. And that worries me.
I currently have a huge stack of books and DVDs I’d like to see, plus all the ones I’d like to go through that I don’t own. New books and films come out all the time. And then there’s the holidays and places I’d like to go. That worries me, too.
You see, if you die and you’re pissed off then you risk being an upset spirit. This means that you’re more likely to remain on this earth as a ghost. Ghosts are often tied to the place where they died and that would really suck.
You see, I can see me keeling over in however-many years, three days before Shrek 17 or Spiderman 23 comes out. I’ll be one teed off spook. I can just guarantee that whoever moves into my house when I die won’t go and rent or buy decent films for me to watch over their shoulder.
I can see it now. Purgatory forever will be spent stomping round a room with my ethereal fingers in my ghostly ears while some dopey old biddy watches Songs of Praise.
I’ve already decided I want to be a poltergeist when I grow up. There’s a chance I’ll scare her to death and get someone fun in instead.
So who says I never planned for my future? Beat that, crappy daytime life insurance company advert people.
On the bright side, you’ve already done far more than mere mortals such as myself can dream of.
Like, you’ve got a life!
Although why you’d want to watch Shrek 17 beats me…