Category: Uncategorised

I came close to a brush with fame today. Or, more correctly, Peter Ridsdale (Barnsley Town FC chairman) almost had a brush with my car. I was just leaving Barnsley College having fixed their server, turned left, drove round the block and stopped at some lights. They turned green, I drove off and the pompous, jaywalking prat was still dawdling in the middle of the road. Nowhere near a crossing and in no rush to get out of my way.

Apologies to all Leeds supporters, but my insurance just couldn’t take me hitting a rich man no matter how much of an arse he is. Besides, I’m saving up so I can mow Freddie Shepherd down.

In addition, my neighbour (the nice one) called the planning department and I dropped them an email. They tried to argue with him about someone parking somewhere not being their business until he pointed out that as it’s a planning document that states he can’t park there, it would make sense that a planning enforcement department should be investigating.

We await the forms in the post.

It also seems that, despite signs going up, he has no intention of moving out. I overheard his ex/on-off-partner/whatever gabbing on to her mates about how much the place is worth compared to when they bought it (about thirty grand more) and how “no matter what, I’m getting my share of that cash”. I’m kind of gathering that he’s bought the place and she’s trying to force him to sell so she can get her wedge and bugger off.

Over the weekend, we’ve seen three sets of people ignored as they knocked at the door holding estate agent details for the property. We also know for a fact that he was in at the time. Looks like he’s going through the motions to shut her up. I await the massive shoutfest when the estate agents come and take their “for sale” sign back as he’s not letting people view the property.

Well, it’s 1:16am and the ****** 2 doors over is doing DIY. I’ve already had words with him this evening (most of them 4 letters in length) regarding the two cars parked in the driveway for four hours. They’ve been moved. After he claimed he owned half of the drive which he knew because he’d checked his plans.

Actually, if he’d checked the documents he’d have seen he owns a third. “Well I’ll park on my third then”. Ah, no. You see it’s one third ownership, not ownership of a specific third. This disregarding the fact that his car is approximately twice the width of a third of the drive anyway.

His excuse of “if you had kids you’d know how hard it is. I’m not leaving him alone in the house for two minutes while I move my car back out of the driveway” was rather weak. Especially as there was at least one other person in the house with him. Also, if the kid’s in a safety seat (which he is), then you plop the seat in the hallway – in view and with the little lad still strapped in – and move the car. Or you park it where it should be parked and carry him the extra 10 yards to the front door. Either is safe.

I did threaten to clamp him the next time he was parked there for a length of time, but in all honesty I’m not sure how legal that would be with him having part-ownership of that piece of land. However…

Courtesy of Steve, the chap next door, we’ve had a dig and looked at our title deeds and the HM Land Registry Property, Proprietership and Charges Registers which we’re all provided with upon buying a house. Interesting reading.

Charges Register section (10) (b) reads:

Not without the consent of the council in writing park any motor vehicle upon any part of the premises otherwise than in a properly constructed garage.

Without getting into too much legalese, this means that the little toerag is well and truly ******. We’re giving the council a ring on Monday, and have a feeling they may ask us to call the police to give him a quick visit. Oh, how I’m looking forward to that.

This evening I took a little trip to the BBFC‘s web page. I’ve not been for a while. For those who don’t know, they’re the private body that decides the film ratings in the UK. They’ve relaxed the rules a lot, especially over the last few years after a certain Mr Ferman (a Nazi **** in entirely the wrong job if ever there was one) stepped down as Head Censor.

Anyways, it’s worth a look for a giggle. The interface isn’t good, but just browsing the descriptions of the (few) cuts being made is a laugh, especially with the Restricted-18 videos. For a start, a lot of the porn is a rip off of Hollywood stuff (Shaving Ryan’s Privates, as an example – link DEFINITELY not work safe). Then there’s the stuff they have to cut to attain the UK’s least restrictive rating.

As an example, “Sex Pigs: Cut required to sight of coverage with condom of, and penetration of anus by a vacuum pump tube on the grounds of potential physical harm.”

Sometimes, just sometimes, I agree that the BBFC might be protecting us from stuff that maybe we shouldn’t see. This is one of those times.

I just posted my first item on eBay. Nothing exciting, just a promotional airline vomit bag from the Jackass DVD release. I’m just interested in finding out if anyone’s prepared to cough up a few quid for it.

I’ve added a link to the left in the “Personal Info” box to all my current items, should I choose to sell anything else. In the meantime, take a peak and have a look at the picture. Then get tempted and bid all your ******* money on some worthless tat. Preferably mine.

OK, it shows how poor people in other countries are when they die trying to get Ikea vouchers. I’m not a great fan of the place (though the food in the canteen’s cheap), but this takes the salty biscuit.

I notice they state that the showrooms have 200% more space than before. That’s scary. I can get lost in the normal ones. I’d have to take a survival kit into anything larger.

I wonder if it also means they have twice as many products not actually in stock when you get to the end, despite the computer system saying they have 16?