They seem to creep out of the woodwork round here every other month. On an evening, or in this case a Sunday lunchtime, they creep out of their hovels in groups of 10 or so and wander round the estate, knocking on doors in couple. Today it’s the turn of the middle-aged bunch.
Now, I appreciate they mean no harm, but it just pisses me off. I’m working, pottering in the garden, having my lunch or whatever. I don’t want to be disturbed by someone trying to sell me a lifestyle change unless it’s guaranteed to involve a 5-bedroom house, three supercars and as many nubile women as I can handle in a night. As far as I can recall, no major religion can offer me this.
This week, however, was slightly different. As they were wandering around, I just arrived home from a night away. Despite being at one of my neighbour’s houses, they seemed to deem me unfit to visit. Perhaps this was because I pulled up with Slipknot blaring from the car (I think I was playing People = **** or The Heretic Anthem at the time. Something from Iowa, anyway). It may, however, have been my nice new Team Satan hockey shirt with Beelzebub 666 emblazoned across the back.
I guess I’ll never know. Maybe they just don’t like a challenge. Or don’t fancy the risk against someone who obviously has an opposing point of view.
One of these days I’ll settle into a nice house with a front garden and a gate. Then I can put up a sign that says “No salesmen, cold-callers, junk mail or god-botherers”. Until then, I’ll stick to loud music and being rude to the ones who are inconsiderate enough to bother me.
