Time to pick holes in the headlines, I suppose. It’s either that or do some “real” work, and as I’m sat in the office, that is hardly an option. Especially as I feel like I may be starting off on the road to ‘flu-dome and a couple of days off. Well, it’s pointless starting any jobs I’ll not be able to finish.
I like the BBC’s News scrolly thing. Nice, succinct headlines that often pick the wrong words. Today’s choice one is “Azerbaijan Fear Rooney”. I know they’re a small, fairly poor country in footballing terms but I’d have thought they could supply enough fish & chips to keep him going without fear of famine. Also, lock away all the pensioners and he won’t go trying to shag them. Maybe it’s just the fact that he looks like an ogre. Haven’t they seen Shrek? Turns out he’s a nice guy after all. For a big-eared freak.
Actually, I don’t think I’ve posted the following bit before. If I have, apologies but it’s a good story so deal with it. I know someone who used to work in Virgin in Bradford. A mate of his worked in the branch in the centre of Liverpool and was/is a staunch Reds supporter. This is going back about 2 years when Rooney had just burst onto the scene as the Premiership’s youngest goalscorer or whatever.
Jug-lugs appeared at his counter with a copy of some game or other for the Playstation and a wadge of cash. Too young to own a credit card, you see.
“Sorry, sir. I can’t sell you this game. It’s got an 18 rating.”
Cue a red face, disgruntled expression and one the most famous (and overused) footballing outbursts of all time:
“Don’t you know who I am?!?!”
“Yes, sir. I do. Which is why I know for a fact you’re under 18 and can’t buy it. Now **** off before I tell your mummy on you.”
Class.
This in turn reminds me of a story in a restaurant. I think the footballer involved was one of the Neville brothers. The scene – posh restaurant, maitre’d stood at the podium near the entrance. Overpaid ball-jockey and (most likely) stunning partner enter the premises.
“Table for two, please.”
“I’m sorry sir. Do you have a reservation? We’re full this evening.”
“I don’t need a reservation. Do you know who I am?”
“Yes, sir. You’re the gentleman who’s taking his girlfriend to McDonald’s for dinner.”
Again, priceless.
Other News
Well, Christopher Reeve died. I’ll skip the whole “curse of Superman” bit as that’ll have been kicked about by every other site (including Twenty Major). Suffice to say, he wasn’t the greatest actor ever but to someone who grew up through the 70’s and 80’s he was Superman. He still looked the same whether he wore glasses or not, though. Mind, the wheelchair was pushing it in a bid to cover his secret identity.
Someone less famous also died. Well, was murdered. Ken Bigley, who nobody outside of his family and workmates had any knowledge of, leapt to the headlines when a bunch of mentally unstable ***** kidnapped him and two Americans a couple of weeks ago. Sadly, the aforementioned camel-******* retards decided it was in their best interests to kill this innocent man to show the world they “mean business”. Well, so did David Koresh and he was a ******* nutjob as well. As was Charles Manson. And any number of other fruitcases.
What’s most sad is that this chap’s passing is pretty much down to one guy. One, pathetic, manipulated, illegally-operating, uncaring, selfish, stage-hogging, animal-shagging, country-leading ******… George W. Bush Jr. This pathetic, big-headed, blinded-by-his-own-self-importance PRICK decided some months ago that he was bigger than the United Nations. As a result, many innocent Iraquis have died, British soldiers and civilians have been killed, US servicemen have lost their lives needlessly and all over some tenuous information that ended up being completely wrong anyway. Bush isn’t just guilty of negligence, he’s guilty of war crimes and should be treated as the criminal he truly is. Think about it – get this little **** executed and that one life may well save many more. A fair trade, in my opinion. The world would be a better (and safer) place without him and other who are too big for their “world leader”-sized boots.
There is an interesting story on New Times regarding Bush’s crimes against humanity and complete disregard for the Geneva Convention. As it says at the end, all it takes is one brave congressman to file for impeachment and at the very least people will find out the truth about him. One can hope that someone out there has the guts to commit what would effectively be political and career suicide, but for all the right reasons.
I now expect my service provider’s rack mount servers to be impounded and taken away for dissemination by the FBI, just as they did to Indymedia. Free speech, my ******* arse.
