It’s started…

The first subtle signs were a week or two ago. Some vague muzak in the background in a KFC or Woolies or somewhere. But now it’s everywhere.

I was sat having breakfast in McDs on the M1 yesterday (yes, I ate a McD’s breakfast. I’m an unhealthy bastard. Sue me) and all I could hear was “Dashing through the snow… dum dum dum dum dee” and so forth.

Affronted by this, I finished my bacon butty (I didn’t want it to go cold), climbed onto my seat and rooted through the fake foliage until I found the hidden speaker. Removing my shoe, I battered the speaker until the support brcket gave way and I ripped it off the wall, wires dangling and sparking.

Pulling a knife from my pocket, I popped the cover of the speaker off and places it face up on the seat. I then dropped my trousers and squeezed a huge turd onto it in full view of the staff.

Popping the cover back on, I climbed back up and tied the wires back together, leaving it dangling in space, **** oozing through the speaker grille.

I dropped my muffin into my bag, picked up my stuff and went back to the car (via the loo to wash my hands – I’m not a scruff).

Well. OK. I didn’t do all that. But I did get a bit miffed and think about doing it. May I please get the first “bah humbug” of the year in now.