Many of my friend will tell you that I really like animals. Not in that way. Not ones with claws and teeth anyway. I just have more respect for them. Anything bad that happens to animals is usually our fault, yet they don’t hate us for it. They won’t screw you over, either.
Just to give you a few, off-the-top-of-my-head examples of why animals, in past experience, are better than people:
- An animal won’t shag your best mate behind your back
- An animal won’t "borrow" stuff off you and never return it
- An animal won’t pretend to be your best friend to your face and spread **** about you on a bulletin board seconds later when it thinks you’re not looking because it’s ******* paranoid and managed to convince itself that you’re trying to get its girlfriend into bed
- An animal will never intentionally use you
- An animal won’t put it’s ******* stereo on full blast at 7:30 on a ******* Saturday morning
- An animal will only break your heart by dying
- An animal won’t try and get itself out of trouble by dropping you in the **** by lying about something that it was to blame for
- The only time an animal will **** on you is if it’s got a bad stomach
People have been guilty of every single one of those other points – and more – in my past. I’ve never had that grief from a pet.
Now you know why I’m single and spend most nights sat at home in front of the PC with a cat for company. Yeah, so she claws my hands and ****. But she never pretends it wasn’t her!
“An animal will never intentionally use you”
Hang on. Cats are only ever really your friend when they feel like it. Like dinnertime. Or when they want to get in the house.
The rest of the time, you can see them thinking, “Just f**k off you tosser.”
‘an animal will never intentionally use you’
Are you sure about that mosh? Still, they’re cute.
am lurgied up at the moment so lying in bed with laptop & 2 purring furry balls draped over my legs no doubt feeling very smug that they’re not out in the cold & snow
I forecast a warm snuggling front moving in around now and staying in place for the rest of the day…
and I bet your cats’ **** doesn’t stink either!! lol
Chris – very perceptive
MBtB – mine’s a vicious sod at times as well. Yet somehow she’s still cute as she digs her claws into your wrist and tries to gnaw your fingers off.
Right now, she’s sat on my lap – making it awkward to type – and has been for about an hour. Cute!
Dawn: wrong on that count. It smegging mings. She nipped off a piece about the size of the end of my thumb the other night and I could smell it from about 20 feet away.
That didn’t help me spot it before I stood in it barefoot, however.
great list! That’s why I love my kitties so!
Hehe. My cate makes me smile, even when she bites me. All it takes is to be sat down and have her snuggle with me. Or wake my up by walking on my chest. Or rubbing round myankles and making cute noises when I feed her.
I can have a *shitty* day at work, but as soon as I get home and she comes running up to the car, I can’t help but grin 🙂
Hell, you’re all soft southern puffs!
My cat waits for the postman, intent on ripping him to ****. He’s a bad-tempered, annoying fat ginger **** of a cat, and will attack anything that moves. Even my own daughter’s friends are scared to come round in case he rips their throats out…
He’s a scary cat – not fluffy-wuffy at all…in fact his tail even wags when he’s “happy”….
Christ, wait a minute….I’ve got a dog!
I got the feeling that post was intended for a particular audience. Points 3 and 7 seem the most directed.
Or am I reading too much into things? 🙂
Last time I looked after Keegan (I know, I know, blame the ex) she was such a love when I came home from work. She’d be peeping out of the living room as I opened the front door, just to make sure I wasn’t someone scary (you will never meet a more wussy pussy) then when she realised it was me, she’d come running at me, tail in the air, mewling a very loud hello.
Gotta love em!
My cat can be very sly when she wants to – she can do things to deliberately let me know she is not happy! But then she also goes out of her way to be affectionate, and is also damn well aware not to play me and my dad off against each other!
I get her this Saturday – can you tell I am excited?
Rik, that’s what I thought until I got this one. She’s great. OK, she’s a vicious little sod half the time, but she’s snuggly the rest of the time – even when she’s not hungry!
That’s *other* cats. My cat’s lovely 😛
You gone soppy????? lol, *grumbles.. CATS all they ever do is **** in my garden!* lol