Open letter to Lee Bowyer

Anyone who thinks I’m kidding and didn’t actually mail this today obviously doesn’t know me very well…

Dear Mr Bowyer,

I appreciate you will likely have had a lot of mail over the last couple of days relating to the ridiculous and embarassing incident between yourself and Mr Dyer. I would like to add my comments to those expressed by other fans, your employers, team-mates and the media.

We took a roasting by hiring you after those events in Leeds all those years ago. We gave you another chance. In recent weeks you finally seemed to be getting the form back that you’d had with Leeds and I was, until now, one of your greatest supporters. As you said in your hasty post-match statement, you have let us down. What you did was reprehensible, loutish, pathetic, stupid… Far too many words spring to mind.

There are people in our youth and reserve squads fighting to get into the first team. You, however, seem to have an inbuilt urge to fight to get out of one. Your behaviour has dirtied the names of two teams now, and frankly I’d have liked to have seen you walk. Instead, you get hit with a meaningless fine and drop your team right in it with an FA Cup semi-final on the horizon.

You and Mr Dyer are in a win-win situation. There’s no way you’d have been out of work for long had we decided to sack you. If we put you on the transfer list, we pay your wages until someone gets you for a bargain price as they know we want rid. If we sack you, we can’t sell you so someone gets you for nothing. Either way, the club and its fans lose out and you win.

I may not sound it, but I am a forgiving person. The thing is, your “second chance” was when we took you on despite your reputation at Leeds. It even looked like you’d put that terrible past behind you and perhaps our gamble had paid off. Instead, it looks like you really do have a pathetic, violent streak in you that will never be removed. We shouldn’t be letting you away with this, in my opinion, but what option do we – as a club – have from a financial viewpoint?

You earn a ludicrous sum of money – I would estimate twice as much per week as I do in a year. As such, I don’t feel in the remotest bit cheeky in asking that you refund me the cost of my match ticket for the Aston Villa game. I’m a season ticket holder and I doubt I will ever give it up, whatever happens. But I ended up watching an 8-man side and a schoolboy fight instead of the match I had paid for. Add to that the embarassment you have caused me and thousands like me and I think it’s a small price to pay.

My season ticket is £568, so that match cost me £29.90. Peanuts to someone in your position, but hard-earned money to me. I live in Bradford, so it’s half a tank of fuel to travel up and back. It’s not 90 minutes of my Saturday. It’s the entire day. I’ve given up enough to watch you make a fool of me, I think it entirely justified that you make some kind of amends.

Personally, no matter how good a player you can be I’d never want to see you honoured with wearing a black-and-white shirt again. Sadly, in this day and age, money talks in football and I know there’s no escaping us trying to get more out of our investment in you. We took you in, and you’ve shown us up. You have one hell of a debt to pay back. If there is any doubt in your commitment in future matches to your ability or willingness to pay that debt back, I sincerely hope you are out of that door before you get a chance to ask why.

Yours faithfully,


15 thoughts on “Open letter to Lee Bowyer”

  1. Oh no, not the you gettimg money situation again. Did you give him your paypal address, just in case he inadvertently gives you his account number

  2. I think it’s quite sweet really. Especially as you hated it *so* much you felt you had to rant over the showing of it on match of the day being delayed by 5 minutes ….

  3. The club could always do what Chelsea did to Mutu. Sack him but keep his registration. That way they get to; not pay his wages, but also can demand a transfer fee from anyone who wants to sign him whilst they still hold his registration.

    From what I’ve seen of the incident, despite newspaper and other media reports, they still looked like they were trading handbags with each other. I’ve not seen a footballer yet who could throw a decent punch. Not that I want to see such a thing happen, of course, on or off the pitch.

  4. They should be both be made fight to the death, Spock v Kirk style, in front a packed St James’ Park.

    The winner gets to stay at the club. Unless it’s Bowyer in which case he’s shot in the face with a rocket launcher.

  5. Everyone at work loved your letter. Showed it to a few of the sales guys who sat and applauded their computer screens, very odd! I wonder it you’ll get a reply

  6. Anni – I still have this week’s Dr Who on vid so let me know if you’re still desperate to watch & we can sort out some sort of old fashioned postal exchange

    (sadly, my technological skills don’t run to knowing how to transfer video to pc & all that cunning stuff)…

    current resident of Ecclestonia

  7. In reverse order…

    Scary – I have made the mistake of assuming the troglodyte can read. You are right. A flaw in my plan!

    Caz – Any reply will of course be posted on here. Including a scan of any cheques, postal orders, threats…

    Twenty – Class. Absolutely. The though had gone through my mind, but as ever you put it so succinctly.

    Coffdrop – I believe Duncan Ferguson broke someone’s jaw (hence 6 months in prison) though not in front of 50k witnesses and the TV cameras. According to David Batty’s autobiog, Alan Shearer knocked Keith Gillespie clean off his feet when they had an “argument” outside a pub in Ireland.

    Anni – That’s different. It’s football. It’s more important than some old bloke dying. I mean, it’s not like he’s got any kids who’ll miss him.

    Chris – Wasn’t the board or Souness who did this. It was Bowyer. I want *his* money.

  8. Ooh, Janetyjanet – yes please, email me, I need to watch it and can;t find anyone who videod it (apart from you!). Cheer’s, m’duck!

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