You can tell I’m approaching “the end” when this is the best thing to have happened in the office for ages. A new toilet roll holder in the ground floor gents’ cubicle.
Alright, this not sound like much to the majority of you, but believe me this is a life-changer. The loo roll we get is the pre-folded piles – a bit like small, less absorbent, easy-to-put-your-finger-through Kleenex. For arses. The holder itself is a squarish box bolted to the stall wall and hinged at the bottom with a lock at the top. This is obviously to prevent the highly-paid staff walking off with a week’s worth of bumrags in one big go, rather than just pulling bunches out of the dispensing slot.
Prior to Monday, the dispenser had a fault. The lock at the top was broken. This not only meant that the aforementioned staff could easily walk of with 5 reems of arsepaper a day, but it was also a source of workplace injury.
It was far too common to get into the lavvy, pull your pants down and sit on the loo with just enough force to wobble the stall wall. This loosened the lock, which allowed the hinged section to swing down and clock you on the head. Fear not, for if you were hit hard enough to cause bleeding you only had to grab at one of the gazillion sheets of absorbent tissue collapsing from their home and heading floorwards, also via your head.
Injury and an embarassing Egyptian mummy impression in one go.
