SAAS – I am not liking you

For those who don’t know SAAS is the government body responsible for withholding as much cash as possible instead of dishing it out to students in Scotland to pay things like course fees, and buy things like food.

Yes, you guessed it. It’s a complaint.

A few weeks ago I filled out their exhaustive online application. This took about 20 minutes and, had I been a dependent, would have gone as far as requesting my parents’ National Insurance numbers. Pretty thorough, it must be said.

Then nothing for almost five weeks until a letter arrived. Prior to this, I was checking the website for an update on my status… which consisted of a page telling me to ring them if I hadn’t had a letter within a month. Great stuff. Very “Web 2.0“. Not.

So this letter duly arrives. “Please fill in form AB10E so we can decide if you are eligible to receive support”. OK, fine. More rubbish.

Date of birth… place of birth… Surname… Address… Parents’ address…

Yes, all previously given in the online application.

Then: Date you became resident in the UK. Reason for entering into the UK. Have you ever paid UK Income Tax? If so, give details.

What. The. Fu…?

Am I reacting a little too harshly when I replied to the “Reason for entering” question with the following:

Mother went into labour. I didn’t really have a choice in the matter.

Or by stating that all the addresses I have lived at since I last entered the UK are “not flipping applicable as I never left”? The fact they give you a small box 7cmx3cm with 5 dotted lines to write down what could be a handful of addresses is a little pathetic also.

Perhaps I have made my point as, instead of giving them my address before taking up residence in the UK, I told them:

I have always been resident on the UK. My parents also. And my grandparents (except for a brief period in 1945 when my paternal grandfather helped storm Normandy). Is this clear enough for you?

As for the income tax question:

I worked, I paid tax. As a British citizen, this is how it works. What details could you possibly need? My national Insurance number is [ahem]. Knock yourself out.

As for the “any other information” box, I just managed to squeeze in:

I am British. I was born British. I have held a British passport since I was around eleven years old. Prior to that I was on my mother’s (British) passport. I have always been ordinarily resident in the UK. I have only been abroad for holidays. I am feeling somewhat annoyed at my nationality being called into question when I made it clear I was British on my initial application.

Given that I’m sending this to a government office, who honestly thinks anyone there will really give a flying fruitbat that all they’re doing is wasting time? I gather from others’ stories that SAAS really suck at their jobs at the best of time. Now I know the depths to which they’ll stoop to try and avoid handing out money which is supposed to be handed out.

Mind you, it seems that withholding money from those who actually need it whilst dolling it out to every Britney, Chantelle and Kylie that comes screaming for it is the British thing nowadays.