Author: Mosh

If you’re not a Spanish speaker, please refer to Google’s language tools to translate.

Mis apologías por el español pobre. He utilizado Google para traducir. Pero apenas tuve que decir, a todos los fanáticos del fútbol españoles – usted es un manojo de racistas pathetic. Inglaterra se supone tener una mala reputación, con todo nos parecemos haber realizado qué siglo es. Coja amablemente apagado de nuevo a sus hogares españoles grotty y deje el balompié solo. Espuma.

Well, aside from being about a stone lighter and barely up to arm-wrestling a grasshopper, I don’t feel too bad. One question, though – why do “rehydration” drinks taste so bloody awful? I’m assuming that it was something I ate rather than a virus, as after I’d hoyed up 2 days’ food I could still see bits of Monday night’s dinner in there. Also, pretty soon after performing the technicolour yawn, I started to feel much better.

Far too much sleep (with a cat stretched out next to me on the bed, bless her) and a nice hot shower later and I actually made it into work. Of course, nobody told me that we were shifting offices (again), so I went and hid while somebody else moved the desks.

Nice to know I was missed by at least one person (thanks, Anni!) and I’ve done the usual lazy “recovering from illness *cough* *cough*” thing and rehashed two old posts (below).

A handy hint for those with a cat, too. If they start to dig into their litterbox and get litter on the floor, don’t expect them not to get confused and **** on that instead of what’s left in the tray. What a thing to wake up to when you’ve spent the previous evening with an upset stomach…

Thoughts out to Sharon, please. She’s put her back out at work again and has had to be taken home. Hugs are allowed, but only at shoulder-height for obvious spinal reasons.

Your author has been rather ill today, and will catch up on posts and comments tomorrow. Apologies for the gap in service, but normal abuse and stories about kittens will return once his stomach and rectum agree on how they should be working again. We thank you for your patience.

Well, apparently plans are afoot to restrict smoking in public in England. Yay! But wait… it’s only in offices, restaurants and pubs that sell prepared food.

Well done, government people. Why do anything properly when you can make a half-arsed, fence-sitting, attempt-to-please-everyone, wipe-your-shitty-cock-on-the-curtains fuckup of it instead? It’s obviously just a “**** – Scotland are doing it. ********. ****. Erm… make something up” move. You useless ********. You’ll be the first against the wall when the revolution comes, mark my words.

Blog surfing with my new-found spare time and it seems that Pinky has a telephone stalker. This reminded me of a similar annoying prat who used to call my house at the dead of night. My comments from her blog posted here:

A few years ago when I house-shared with stoodents. It was actually some lad who wouldn’t take “**** off” as an answer from one of the lasses in the house.

I was working at the time and he kept ringing at 1am, 3am and so on asking for her. I completely lost my rag one night. I think the conversation went:

Him: Is Tina there?

Me: I don’t know. What I do know is that she doesn’t want to talk to you. Do you know what time it is?

Him: Erm. Sorry. I just…

Me: SHUT UP. What time is it?

Him: It’s about 2:00

Me: In the morning, yes

Him: Erm… yes.

Me: OK. Now. I will say this once. You will speak when spoken to. OK?

Him: Yes?

Me: Right. Tina knows where you live, yes?

Him: Yes…

Me: Which means I can find out, yes?

Him: I suppose so.

Me: OK. Here’s the important bit. Are you listening?

Him: Yes….

Me: Right. Good. IF YOU ******* RING HERE EVER AGAIN AT SUCH A STUPID ******* TIME I WILL COME ROUND THERE AND SHOVE YOUR PHONE SO FAR UP YOUR ******* ARSE YOU’LL NEED A WEEK IN HOSPITAL TO GET THE ******* THING OUT. DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?

Him: Sorry, I…

Me: SHUT THE **** UP YOU ******* RETARD. YES OR NO? DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?

Him: Yes – y-yes.

Me: Good. That’s settled then. NOW **** OFF.

*SLAM*

He never called back.