Category: Film

Thor

Just the one film and an early weekend one at that. It’s been previewing since Monday and we opted for the cornea-friendly 2D version of…

Thor

“Did it work?”

See it if you like: superhero films with more pathos and romance than humour and action. Think Hulk rather than Iron Man.

Plot-in-a-nutshell: Origin story of a Norse god who becomes a mortal on earth in the modern day, and set-up for a team-up movie due next year.

I’ll generally go to see any superhero film that comes out and the majority these days seem to come from Marvel Comics. DC seem to have stuck with churning out more Batman ones, and failing to release new Superman episodes. Marvel, on the other hand, seems content to churn out as many films as it can based on every major character it holds, regardless of quality. Sometimes hit, sometimes miss.

Thor, for me, fell into the latter category. Despite a reasonable cast, it just seemed like a big, gaudy mess. Chris Hemsworth is excellent in the role of Thor himself (but since when did he have a beard? The guy from the comics I remember was clean-shaven) and Anthony Hopkins is fine as Odin. Brian Blessed was apparently considered and I’m glad they didn’t go with him otherwise the whole thing would have looked even more like Flash Gordon.

Natalie Portman seems to be popping up in a lot recently and performs passably as some scientist whose name I can’t be bothered to look up who goes all doey-eyed at Mr Muscles.

The biggest surprise was seeing Shakespearian legend Kenneth Branagh attached as director. Given the kind of story the films tells, it’s perhaps not a bad choice. It is operatic and dramatic, so it does suit him. However, I just found the whole thing completely overblown in its use of effects.

The halls of Asgard look like an overgrown church organ and the Rainbow Bridge seems to have been made by gluing together several million “Ziggy” handsets from early episodes of Quantum Leap.

If there’s a highlight it’s the Destroyer – a genuinely scary and fearsome-looking opponent with a rather spine-chilling sound every time it’s about to shoot fire. Having said that, the battle sequence it features in is just kind of “OK”. Having said that, its appearance on earth leads to possibly the best line in the film.

In response to the quote heading this review, uttered by the wonderful Stan Lee in his expected cameo, I have to say “Sorry, fella. No. It didn’t.”

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Your Highness / Fast Five

A two-film Saturday night courtesy in a change of Gillian’s mum’s shifts. The two which fit nicely into our available timeslot were as follows:

Your Highness

“Quests suck!”

See it if you like: Dungeons & Dragons and drawing cocks on school text books.

Plot-in-a-nutshell: Useless prince has to help awesome brother on a quest to rescue a maiden from an evil wizard. While telling cock jokes.

Your Highness is a very silly film from the people who made Pineapple Express which I’ve not seen. I can see it being a very divisive film – you’ll enjoy it or you’ll think it’s awful. I doubt there will be any middle ground. I also think that watching it over a few beers would be best.

The story tells of Prince Thadeous (Danny McBride) and his squire Courtney (Rasmus Hardiker) who must help elder brother and all round superstar Fabious (James Franco) rescue his virginal bride-to-be Belladonna (Zooey Deschanel) from evil wizard Leezar (Justin Theroux). On the way they encounter tough-as-nuts questress Isabel (Natalie Portman).

There. That gets the cast out of the way. A cast, incidentally, who apparently improvised the majority of the dialogue. Impressive. Even if the dialogue is fairly basic and full of sexual innuendo. And sexism. And tasteless insults. As I said – best watched with beer.

The cast do carry things off very well, and it’s quite a surprise to see Portman in particular move from OSCAR nomination in Black Swan to such completely different fare. Franco overacts in just the right way while McBride and Hardiker pair off well as the useless slob prince and his aide who doesn’t realise what a dick he is.

For an admittedly low brow comedy, the production values are quite high and the special effects and action sequences aren’t badly done at all.

Definitely not one you’ll be taking the kids to see unless you want to start explaining about Minotaur penises and why a hand would be like a vagina. Let your inner schoolchild enjoy it and you’ll have a good time.

Fast Five

“One last job, then we disappear forever.”

See if it you like: the thought of Newton spinning in his grave

Plot-in-a-nutshell: Members of the casts from all four previous films get together to pull off one last huge job before the franchise retires.

The gang’s all here – and then some. Pulling in cast members from all the films, including the somewhat sideways jump of Tokyo Drift, Fast Five aims to finish the franchise with a bang (although there are rumours of a sixth…)

We watched the fourth instalment the other night in preparation and I realised how slow it was. Gillian really didn’t enjoy it either. A few action sequences held together with a rather dull plot. Definitely the weakest of the series so far after the novelty of the first, buddy/buddy laughs of the second and scenery change of the third.

Fast Five manages to take all the ridiculous madness of the previous four, shove them through a blender, syphon off anything to do with Newtonian physics and pour the mixture onto celluloid. My only regret about watching this film is that I didn’t see it on IMAX.

As I think I hinted at, I think the laws of physics **** themselves when this film hit the screens. It makes no sense whatsoever. On the other hand… who, seriously, cares? It’s got cars, babes, muscle-bound men, explosions, crashes, trains, dirt, guns, grenades, rocket launchers, laughs, spills, fights, romance…

OK, so the plot in brief. Brian (Paul Walker) and Dom (Vin Diesel) team up to pull a huge job in Rio, taking down a drug lord and making themselves massively rich. In a not-very-well-hidden nod to the likes of Ocean’s Eleven they require a group of specialists. This is where they raid the back-catalogue of characters.

The cast definitely seem on a high and there are some really funny moments and great dialogue as they bicker and cajole. This fleshes out the utterly mind-blowing action scenes. If you thought the opening stunts in the last few films were a little over-the-top, you’ve seen nothing yet.

And that’s nothing compared to the final sequence. Good – and indeed – grief. For those with as much as a Physics GCSE, kindly partition off that section of your brain (particularly the segment to do with friction, force, acceleration and so forth) otherwise you’ll just turn in to a gibbering Newtonian wreck. I opted to sit there and giggle at the incredible destruction and sheer ludicrousness of the entire thing.

I know it’s only April, but I can see this ranking as one of the best action films of the year by the time we hit Christmas. Like all the best shows it leaves the audience wanting more. Whether we’ll get that is anyone’s guess.

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Rio / Red Riding Hood / Source Code

The plan for three films turned into a plan for one. Then two more. Which makes three anyway.

Rio

“I am not an ostrich!”

Plot-in-a-nutshell: adopted macaw head to Brazil to discover his heritage and get laid.

I really wanted to avoid this film purely because it’s been used for the last three million years (or so it seems) to advertise Orange phones before every damn film I’ve seen. However, the kids wanted to see it (in preference to Winnie The Pooh and Hop) so off we went on Sunday afternoon. Oh, we saw the 2D version because Little Mister is under 6 and his older sister finds the glasses very uncomfortable. And I can’t bloody stand it.

It’s by the same folk who did the Ice Age movies, and it’s got a similar style of humour. It’s also definitely back on a par with the first of that series after the twee decline they went through. It  is a very bright and colourful movie with plenty of action to keep the youngsters happy although Little Mister didn’t seem quite in the mood to be engaged by it. Elder Sister really liked it.

The story is simple enough. A young macaw is stolen from the forests and finds a home in North America with a young girl (Linda voiced by Leslie Mann) who he grows up with. A Brazilian ornithologist arrives to beg that Blu (Jesse Eisenberg) be taken on a trip back “home” to pair up with the other last remaining macaw to save the species. Jewel (Anne Hathaway) turns out to be a little more of a live spirit and she and Blu end up going through a series of adventures.

The side characters and clever use of visual humour will keep adults interested as the kids giggle at the animated slapstick and ogle the visuals.

Not the best animated film ever, but definitely one that should entertain the sprogs if you have a spare afternoon. And that’s all that matters, isn’t it?

Red Riding Hood

“Grandmother… what big eyes you have.”

Plot-in-a-nutshell: A small village has been safe from the curse of a werewolf for twenty years when it suddenly strikes once again… but who it is, and what does it want?

This was one of those “we’re intrigued, but the times fit in with when we’re free” films. The two trailers we’d seen led us to think a) crap and b) hum, maybe not so crap. The reviews haven’t been kind, but I’d recommend giving it a chance.

It’s set in the middle ages, in a small insular village called Daggerhorn. Every full moon the villagers put out a sacrifice (goat, pig, whatever) and the local werewolf nabs it rather than killing one of the people. However, twenty years after the last human gets snatched, a local girl is eviscerated and questions start to arise.

The girl’s sister, Valerie (Amanda Seyfried), is the titular Red Riding Hood and central character. It is she who is caught up in the mystery of the identity of the werewolf, a mystery that takes another turn when Father Solomon (Gary Oldman) arrives in town on a personal crusade against all things lycanthrope.

The story then becomes a half decent whodunnit combined with a some soap opera touches as family and relationship secrets are exposed. Friendships are strained, beliefs tested and Oldman overacts as wonderfully as only he knows how.

I think Gillian reckoned this was “OK”. I was quite impressed, largely as I wasn’t expecting much. It did take a little while to get going, but once things started ticking along I was guessing here and there as to who the werewolf was and why they were interested in Valerie. In true Murder, She Wrote style all of these details are revealed when we find out who the rampaging half-wolf is, along with brief flashbacks to the events we didn’t see clearly the first time.

Red Riding Hood won’t win any awards, and likely won’t do too well judging by the ratings I’ve seen so far. Which is a shame, as it’s not as bad as some people are making out. If there’s nothing else on, it’s worth 100 minutes of your time.

Source Code

“Oh boy.”

Plot-in-a-nutshell: Soldier time-travels (repeatedly) back to a commuter train to find out who blew it up and to prevent a major terrorist bombing.

Along similar lines to the likes of Deja Vu and Quantum Leap, Jake Gyllenhall‘s character Colter Stevens is part of a military-funder operation allowing tweaking with the timelines. The limitation with this expedition is that Stevens can only witness and interact with an alternative reality’s version of the last 8 minutes of his host’s life, taking place during events which have already occurred. Simply put, unlike Sam Beckett, he can’t put right what once went wrong… but he can hopefully collect enough information to prevent an upcoming event of much greater proportions from taking place.

The reviews and comments I’ve seen about Source Code are universally complimentary and a huge number are marvelling at the complicated twists and mystery as to what the “source code” actually is. Frankly, anyone posting comments like that on Twitter has never seen a sci-fi film. This is as linear as it gets, and although being a good story its twists have been done before. The “big twist” at the end is even explained by the central character, after a fashion, during the main body of the film!

As with most modern sci-fi, it’s best to disengage the believability circuits at the same time as you start shovelling popcorn into your gob. Source Code is nicely character-driven with a good premise, much of what made Quantum Leap so deservedly popular. Although it’s not difficult to stay a scene or two ahead of the screenwriters, Gyllenhaal really does make you care for his character.

He’s aided by the sympathetic “controller” Goodwin (Vera Farmiga) who is overseem by the rather more self-obsessed Dr Rutledge (Jeffrey Wright), while engaging with several characters on the doomed train – in particular Christina (Michelle Monaghan) who sits opposite him, and who he vows to save – despite being told that this is impossible.

I think Source Code suffered from the exact opposite problem as Red Riding Hood. After all the pizzaz, I was expecting it to be awe-inspiring. Instead it’s just “pretty good” so almost a let-down. Well-made, very well acted and not overblown it makes for a good film with a nice story but it simply isn’t the incredible movie it’s being made out to me.

Oh, and the Quantum Leap quote I put at the start of the review? The classic “Oh boy”? It’s in there. And it’s the first words spoken by the very actor who made them famous. Good luck spotting them!

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Killing Bono / Oranges and Sunshine

A quick trip to the cinema mid-week to chill out towards the end of term. I picked two random movies and ended up with:

Killing Bono

“You made the worst decision of my life!”

Plot-in-a-nutshell: Some schoolfriends in Ireland form a band and completely fail to become U2

I didn’t realise until the opening titles appeared that this was written by Dick Clement and Ian La Frenais, a great writing partnership with an excellent pedigree. I also didn’t twig until he appeared that Pete Postlethwaite was in it, and that this was his last film.

While not a classic, it’s a decent enough high to go out on for him. He plays a small, but highly entertaining part amongst the predominantly younger cast. Said cast is headed by Ben Barnes and Robert Sheehan who play brothers Neil and Ivan McCormick. Back in the day, they went to school with a bunch of kids who decided to make a band and became U2. This is the story of the also-rans.

The chemistry between the brothers is superb, especially as Neil carries a couple of secrets that Ivan doesn’t know about. We pass through their late school years to financial problems and a move to get an album published. It’s all told with the usual pace we’ve come to expect from a Clement/La Frenais script with quite a few laughs and some unexpected yet still believable scenarios.

It’s not a classic by any stretch, but I’ve seen far, far worse films. I certainly didn’t begrudge my time watching it, though I’d not rush out and get a copy to keep when it comes out on DVD as I did with Still Crazy which the pair also wrote.

Rock and roll.

Oranges and Sunshine

Plot-in-a-nutshell: Social worker uncovers government plot… and it’s all true. Based on a biography.

You know how social workers get a bad rep these days? Well, back in the 80’s, one very industrious one stumbled up on a government-run scheme whereby “unwanted” children in care were ferried from the UK to Australia. It gets worse, but I’ll save that for when you go and see the film. Which you should.

That social worker was Margaret Humphreys and she’s played by Emily Watson in this directorial debut from Jim Loach (yes, he is related). The film flits between the UK and Australia as Humphreys attempts to reunite these now-grown children with their pasts while experiencing disbelief and outright threats from some of the bodies involved.

The film is suitable gritty, particularly in the UK scenes, and covers a lot of the story as it takes place over a couple of years. Hugo Weaving gives probably the best performance I’ve ever seen from him as one of the so-called “child migrants”. In fact, there’s not a bad performance in the whole thing. Don’t expect all the events unfolding to have a happy ending, either. It’s just not that kind of story.

The pick of the performances, in my opinion, are from some of the incidental characters – the now-adult children specifically. I swear there are a couple of scenes which look more like they’ve come from a documentary than a scripted film.

A great (if that’s the word) story that only loses out by focussing a little too much on a couple of the characters. I’d have liked more detail on the government angle, though the small number of scenes featuring government officials do manage to get across what a bunch of inept, corrupt ******** they were.

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The Eagle, Faster, Sucker Punch and Mars Needs Moms

Four films in a contracted form due to me being knackered after a long week!

The Eagle

“I hate everything you stand for.”

Plot-in-a-nutshell: Roman goes in search of something belonging to his dad that some Scots pinched.

Originally titled The Eagle of the Ninth and based on a 1954 novel by Rosemary Sutcliffe, this is the story of a young Roman, Marcus Aquila (Channing Tatum) who heads to Britain in charge of a small fort. There, he begins a promising career despite the black mark on his family’s history caused by his father losing a whole bunch of soldiers and a gold eagle standard.

Events give him the chance to team up with a slave, Esca (Jamie Bell), and head north of Hadrian’s Wall into a land of savages and cut-throats. So kind of like a stag night in Glasgow, then.

Visually lovely, with the majority of the filming being done in Scotland itself. The remainder, just out of interest, taking place in Hungary. The sets, costumes and scenery are wonderful. The dialogue isn’t bad, and I enjoyed the way the non-Roman speech was done in what I assume is an old form of Scots Gaelic and subtitled.

It’s not the most complex of storylines, but the source material is aimed at young adults. Don’t think this is a kids’ film, however. Though definitely tamer than the likes of TV’s recent Spartacus – Blood and Sand, the combat is still moderately bloody.

I did miss the first five minutes, but this didn’t cause me any problems. In fact, if anything I enjoyed the trip just that bit more as it meant I didn’t have to sit through that bloody Orange advert for the millionth time.

Good stuff and worth seeking out for an entertaining bit of viewing.

Faster

“God can’t save you from me!”

Plot-in-a-nutshell: There’s a plot? Oh, yeah. Something about people getting shot.

This film is a deliberate homage to 1970’s action films and it shows, with the rumbling engines of stupidly big cars, cringe-making dialogue and utterly mental storyline. It’s cheesier than a cheese factory made of cheese.

If you can handle the smell of stale socks, though, it’s not a bad bit of film in a dopey way.

The main characters are known simply by their titles. Driver (Dwayne Johnson) is seeking revenge for his brother’s murder as the upshot of a robbery which also landed him in prison. He’s being hunted by Cop (Billy Bob Thornton) and a hired Killer (Oliver Jackson-Cohen), who happens to be banging a bloody hot chick played by Maggie Grace. She’s only a side character, but by Jimminy. WOW.

If ever there was a film where you could switch your brain into “drool”, this is it. The relentless Driver is simply there to bulldoze through any attempt at plot and kill people. The Killer adds the cool and the Cop adds the “troubled soul heading for retirement”. Hell, one of his first lines is the fact that he’s only a few days from retirement.

A guilty pleasure, but pleasing all the same.

Sucker Punch

“If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.”

Plot-in-a-nutshell: I’ll get back to you once I figure out what the hell it was about.

I believe this is Zack Snyder‘s fourth film and I’ll give him this – he’s consistent. I’ve consistently found his films just not quite getting there in terms of enjoyment. Visual spectacle, perhaps. But otherwise somewhat empty. Sucker Punch leaves you winded.

The opening ten minutes or so are completely dialogue-free as we’re rushed through the back story. The character we come to know as Baby Doll (Emily Browning) loses her mother, falls under the wing of an evil uncle who needs her out of the way to claim the inheritance, accidentally shoots her sister while trying to defend herself from aforementioned bad man and ends up being committed.

Here, she it put into some kind of programme whereby she dances for rich people as some kind of therapy. When she does this, she regresses into some inner fantasy as a kind of escapism. Or something. I think. Anyway, what happens in there (during some incredible CGI scenes) marginally mirrors the “real” world.

I think.

Basically, ignore the plot – what there is of one. Enjoy the visuals, which are staggering. Leave the cinema and wish they’d put as much effort into a decent story as they did into the graphic design.

Pretty but ultimately unsatisfying. Like any girl band you care to mention.

Mars Needs Moms

Plot-in-a-nutshell: Young boy has a fight with mother who is then kidnapped by Martians. He sets about rescuing her.

I saw this with Mister 3-Year-Old only as Miss 10-Year-Old had been sulky and her punishment was to go shopping instead. I think she might have got a bit more out of the film, especially as it’s about learning to realise how important your mother is to you when you’re a child.

The thing is, for a kid that age the film may come across as mawkish or at least trying to force a point. To the younger audience it’s simply not colourful enough. The majority of it is deliberately grey and drab to emphasise the Martian world since The Supervisor (Mindy Sterling) took over and separated male and female babies for life.

That is until she kidnaps Milo’s mom (Joan Cusack) and finds Milo himself (Seth Green / Seth Dusky) running rampant around Mars when he inadvertently hitches an interstellar lift.

There are a handful of action scenes, but until late in the film these are still all in shadow and greyness. Not much for a 3-year-old to fixate on.

While I thought it was kind of alright, the little mister did very well to sit still for the whole of it. If you want to see Seth Green doing good animation, watch Robot Chicken. It’s somewhat adult, but small children will find more enjoyment watching toys being dismembered.

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