A message to tall people

If you’re at a rock gig, don’t maneuver your way through a packed crowd just to stand in front of me. You’re over 6′ tall. Stand at the fucking back – you can see just fine and better than most from back there you bastard freak of nature. And don’t give me the evil eye every time I elbow your shoulder blades or neck when I put my hands up to clap. You chose to stand there you ignorant cunt, so you can choose to fuck off just as easily.

Skype spam

I’ve just encountered two instances of Skype Spam. This, basically, is someone you don’t know, randomly sending you a spam message while you’re logged on to Skype. Skype’s recommendation is to “hide” yourself to all but your contacts. There’s no method to report these freaks. The two messages I got were the same, but from different users.

[While posting this, I’ve had the same or similar messages from no less than 30 other accounts. And he’s tried to exchange contact details with me from two of them, one salled “Suzie” or something with a contact picture of a very pretty Asian girl]

Just log on, locate them and send them a ton of shit. Wanna see the conversation I just had with this prick? Here you go, slightly edited as he has a habit of just pasting the same shite over and over and over:

[17:20:25] zhangchunli says: dear friend :
I beg your pardon for disturbing you. We are the biggest Chinese foreign trade wholesalers.
If you want to do business with us, we are glad and going to offer you the most reasonable discount, which can promise you to get more profits.If you have any time, please visit our website, contact with us and we will give you a satisfying answer.
our website: [deleted]
MSN L: wto-5188@hotmail.com [go on – use it]
[17:23:06] Mosh says: Lick my rancid arsehole, you freak
[17:23:12] Mosh says: Go on – suck the shit out
[17:23:15] Mosh says: You know you like it
[17:23:50] zhangchunli says: Lick my rancid arsehole, you freak
[17:23:50] Mosh says: Swallow my chocolatey poop chunks
[17:23:53] zhangchunli says: Go on – suck the shit out
[17:23:58] zhangchunli says: Lick my rancid arsehole, you freak
[17:24:01] Mosh says: Hehe – you can cut and paste
[17:24:06] zhangchunli says: go away
[17:24:09] Mosh says: My, aren’t *you* a clever little spamming spunk -eater
[17:24:14] Mosh says: No *you* go away
[17:24:15] Mosh says: Prick
[17:25:04] zhangchunli says: My, aren’t *you* a clever little spamming spunk -eater
[22:20:09] Mosh 说: No *you* go away
[22:20:11] Mosh 说: Prick
[17:25:28] Mosh says: Amazing. Are you using a mouse or has daddy taught you the keyboard shortcuts?
[17:25:39] zhangchunli [spam message repeated about 15 times]
[17:26:06] Mosh says: On a scale of “one” to “pathetic” you make your mother look like less of a loser
[17:26:45] zhangchunli says: [spam message repeated over 30 times]
[17:27:50] Mosh says: And that’s all you can do? How much is your cunt of a father paying you for sitting there annoying people?
[17:27:52] zhangchunli says: Lick my rancid arsehole, you freak

[repeated 20 times]

[17:28:03] Mosh says: You don’t even speak English, do you?
[17:28:22] Mosh says: Ah – you’re using the keyboard shortcuts. Well done. Maybe you’re not as brain dead as you first appeared.
[17:28:41] zhangchunli says: And that’s all you can do? How much is your cunt of a father paying you for sitting there annoying people?

[20+ repetitions]

[17:28:46] Mosh says: *giggle*
[17:28:48] Mosh says: You make me laugh
[17:30:05] zhangchunli says: you are a big bad egg

[15+ repetitions]

[17:30:48] Mosh says: EGG?! EGG?! Is that the best you can do? How fucking old are you?
[17:30:58] zhangchunli says: And that’s all you can do? How much is your cunt of a father paying you for sitting there annoying people?

[repeated again]

[17:31:39] Mosh says: There are several of us round the screen here quite literally pissing ourselves laughing ay you!
[17:31:40] zhangchunli says: you are a big bad egg

[repeated]

[17:31:42] Mosh says: Hahaha!
[17:32:24] zhangchunli says: fuck your mother

[repeat]

[17:32:57] Mosh says: You wish. She’d not sink as low as someone who’s had his cock up his own’ father’s shithole
[17:33:37] zhangchunli says: fuck your mothe
[17:33:42] Mosh says: Tee hee
[17:33:45] zhangchunli says: go away
[17:33:51] Mosh says: You have no imagination at all, do you?
[17:34:18] Mosh says: No. I repeat from way back – YOU go away. YOU are the spammer. YOU are the cunt sending unwanted messages to complete strangers. So… YOU FUCK OFF.
[17:34:28] zhangchunli says: fuck your mother

[etc]

[17:34:36] Mosh says: You don’t even know how to block me do you?
[17:34:44] Mosh says: How old are you? Ten?
[17:34:55] zhangchunli says: How old are you
[17:34:57] zhangchunli says: ?
[17:36:12] Mosh says: The last time I saw a conversation with so much repetition, it was a small boy trying to annoy his mother. You’re truly pathetic
[17:36:45] zhangchunli says: what ?
[17:36:48] zhangchunli says: why
[17:36:49] zhangchunli says: ?
[17:37:29] zhangchunli says: you scold me first
[17:37:32] Mosh says: Because you have no imagination, no idea how to respond to an outburst, no idea how irritating it is to send message to people you don’t know.
[17:37:36] Mosh says: No – you fucked me off first.
[17:37:40] Mosh says: You sent me a spam.
[17:38:15] Mosh says: I don’t know you. Fuck knows I really don’t *want* to know you. You’ve done it from three separate account on Skype so far. You’re a spammer. Spamming = BAD. People hate spammers. Or are you so out of touch you can’t figure that out?
[17:38:36] zhangchunli says: do you a businessman
[17:38:39] zhangchunli says: ]?
[17:38:48] Mosh says: So take your 1010 account, your wwweee159, this one and the gazillion others and shove them up your arse
[17:38:50] zhangchunli says: why scold me
[17:38:59] Mosh says: How stupid are you?
[17:39:00] Mosh says: Really?
[17:39:10] Mosh says: Read this carefully:
[17:39:30] Mosh says: Sending people unsolicited messages (that is – messages they did not ask to be sent) is SPAM. It is RUDE.
[17:39:54] Mosh says: To do so from 20-30 different accounts is *harassment*. That is VERY RUDE.
[17:40:04] Mosh says: Am I keeping this simple enough for you? Or should I use shorter words?
[17:40:59] zhangchunli says: the messageshas been send ?
[17:41:12] Mosh says: *sigh*
[17:41:18] Mosh says: You don’t even speak English very well, do you?
[17:41:31] zhangchunli says: no
[17:41:34] Mosh says: If your company is so good, you’d not have to resort to this kind of invasive marketing
[17:41:41] Mosh says: What you are doing is WRONG.
[17:41:43] Mosh says: Is it BAD
[17:42:00] Mosh says: It is rude, ignorant, unthinking, selfish, annoying and not going to get you any customers
[17:42:21] Mosh says: Do what real companies do. Advertise in newspapers, on the radio, on TV. Get posters. Just don’t send random messages on Skype.
[17:42:32] Mosh says: Skype is for friends to talk on. Not for idiots like you to advertise on.

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Avoid Cardif Pinnacle

Another crappy company to warn you of. My otherwise excellent Nationwide gold card comes with free insurance on purchases underwritten by Cardif Pinnacle. Thing is, unlike Nationwide who I’ve pretty much decided are the best bank ever, CP are complete shite.

As those reading my Tour Blog may be aware, I lost my nice new Olympus camera in a river a couple of weeks ago. Yes, I’m a twat. But the insurance covers me for loss, damage and theft.

After digging for ages I found a contact email address on their web page which I promptly sent a message to. Ringing them from Laos wasn’t really an option! Between time difference and expense it wasn’t going to happen.

An auto-response came back promising a “real” reply within 24 hours.

*tick* 24 hours *tick* 48 *tick* 72…

After a week, I emailed them again. Then again. Then again.

Fuck all. Useless cunt-tards.

I emailed Nationwide instead and had a reply within three days. Then I found out I’m only covered for 100 days after the purchase anyway. Arse. So admittedly receiving a reply would have been fruitless anyway but that’s not the point. If they can’t reply to a mail, how can they be expected to do anything else properly?

Cardif Pinnacle (and yes – one “f” in Cardif) are the most recent winners of the “Don’t Touch This Useless Bunch Of Wankers With A Bargepole” award. Pricks.

Bovril in factual cockup shock horror

I read the following on NUFC.com‘s Coxy’s Corner. Bovril (a meat-based hot drink from the UK) is putting little factoids on the back of current jars. One of them was the following:

“In 1994 enough Bovril drink was made to fill 90 million match day mugs.

In the same year Andy Cole became the highest ever premiership scorer with 34 goals in a season for Manchester United.”

Errr, that’ll be Newcastle United actually. Close, but no steaming hot mug of meaty-smelling beverage for the guy in the research department.

Me being me, I emailed Unilever who make Bovril. Sorry to say I don’t have a copy of that mail as it was on a web form. I am pleasantly surprised, though, to say that they replied:

“Bovril CaseID#38225#

Hello from Bovril

Dear Iain

Thank you for your email.

Well done on spotting our deliberate mistake, I have passed your comments
on to the brand managers concerned.

Kind Regards

Barbara Westwood
Consumer Advisor”

Well done to Unilver for at least making the effort to send me a message back! Let’s see if they recall all the offending jars…