It’s worse… cos it’s better

Excuse anything technical in this post, but I’m going to have a go at a muppet I’m unfortunate enough to work for. We all know about people being promoted above their abilities. Well, I’m amazed this ****’s made it out of primary school.

It’s hard to believe he works for an IT company as a manager, until you look at our recent board and directors and realise they could easily be baffled by a few buzzwords and some techno-bullshit. Which, to be fair, is the sum of his technical knowledge. No wonder our internal systems keep falling over – he’s like a kid pressing buttons at random trying to look after them.

Anyway, I was walking up the steps at Forster Square station in Bradford on Friday when my laptop back strap snapped. The bag (and laptop) made a nice *thud* as they hit the steps below. Oops. On getting into the office on Monday morning, the machine wouldn’t boot (no real surprise) and we diagnosed a damaged DVD and also the mouse touch pad.

After much dicking about, I managed to requisition a second-hand Sony Vaio which I’m currently tapping away on. Nice machine, bit faster than the old one. **** keyboard layout, but hey ho. I’ll get used to it.

Now this guy has to have his finger in every pie. But only for a minute. He’s well known for starting something then buggering off and leaving someone else to fix the mess he’s made of it when “he knows best”. Basically, when things go wrong, it’s someone else’s fault because by that stage he’s moved on to screw someone else’s work up.

As an example, I was reconfiguring this little machine from scratch and he was mouthing off at someone to bring in a copy of Partition Magic because: “when you set it up you can only have an 8Gb partition and a separate 32Gb partition. We’ve tried every way and that’s all you can get. And I don’t want it set up like that.”

Note: “I don’t want”. Who’s going to be using the damn thing? That’d be me, not him. Plus, if you follow the instructions when rebuilding, then you can set it up in various ways. When I mentioned this later it was someone else (unnamed of course) who got blamed for not knowing, despite him being the only person to configure it before.

Back to the laptop. I managed to get mine running to the stage where I could start dragging files over from that one to my new one. Both were sat there transferring away when he crept up behind me. “How are you enjoying your new machine?”

“Well, it’s fine. It’s faster. The screen’s not as good as my old one, though, but I’m only being picky. Look.”

And I showed him the BBC news ticker scrolling across the top. The image is a little blurry and rather pixelly. Not a problem. Still images are sharp, but moving ones aren’t as good as on my own machine. This is down to the response time in the screen not being as good. Simple issue, common difference between screens. Only not for this ******:

“Oh, that’s because it’s a better screen.”

“What?!”

“It’s sharper. Which is why it looks like that. I changed my desktop from a monitor to a flat screen a couple of weeks ago and I get the same. It’s because it’s better.” Talk about comparing apples and elephants.

So my screen image is worse… because my screen is better? OK, if that’s the way it goes I’ll swap him my company car for his. Mine must be better… because it’s worse.

Which films have you seen?

IMDB’s Top 100 Best Movies of All Time
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Rank

Movie

Didn’t See It/
Started It/
Finished It/
Hated It!

1

Godfather, The (1972)

Finished It

2

Shawshank Redemption, The (1994)

Finished It

3

Godfather: Part II, The (1974)

4

Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, The (2003)

Finished It

5

Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, The (2002)

Finished It

6

Casablanca (1942)

7

Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, The (2001)

Finished It

8

Schindler’s List (1993)

Finished It

9

Shichinin no samurai (1954)

10

Star Wars (1977)

Finished It

11

Citizen Kane (1941)

12

One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (1975)

13

Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)

14

Rear Window (1954)

15

Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back (1980)

Finished It

16

Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)

Finished It

17

Memento (2000)

Finished It

18

Usual Suspects, The (1995)

Finished It

19

Pulp Fiction (1994)

Finished It

20

North by Northwest (1959)

21

12 Angry Men (1957)

22

Fabuleux destin d’Amélie Poulain, Le (2001)

23

Psycho (1960)

24

Lawrence of Arabia (1962)

25

Buono, il brutto, il cattivo, Il (1966)

26

Silence of the Lambs, The (1991)

Finished It

27

It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)

28

Goodfellas (1990)

Finished It

29

American Beauty (1999)

Finished It

30

Vertigo (1958)

31

Sunset Blvd. (1950)

32

Matrix, The (1999)

Finished It

33

Apocalypse Now (1979)

Started It

34

Pianist, The (2002)

35

To Kill a Mockingbird (1962)

36

C’era una volta il West (1968)

37

Some Like It Hot (1959)

38

Third Man, The (1949)

39

Taxi Driver (1976)

Hated It!

40

Paths of Glory (1957)

41

Sen to Chihiro no kamikakushi (2001)

42

Fight Club (1999)

Finished It

43

Boot, Das (1981)

Hated It!

44

Double Indemnity (1944)

45

L.A. Confidential (1997)

Finished It

46

Chinatown (1974)

47

Singin’ in the Rain (1952)

48

Maltese Falcon, The (1941)

49

M (1931)

50

Requiem for a Dream (2000)

51

Bridge on the River Kwai, The (1957)

Started It

52

All About Eve (1950)

53

Se7en (1995)

Finished It

54

Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)

Finished It

55

Saving Private Ryan (1998)

Finished It

56

Cidade de Deus (2002)

57

Raging Bull (1980)

58

Rashômon (1950)

59

Wizard of Oz, The (1939)

Started It

60

Sting, The (1973)

61

Alien (1979)

Finished It

62

American History X (1998)

Finished It

63

Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939)

64

Léon (1994)

Finished It

65

Vita è bella, La (1997)

66

Touch of Evil (1958)

67

Manchurian Candidate, The (1962)

68

2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)

Started It

69

Treasure of the Sierra Madre, The (1948)

70

Great Escape, The (1963)

Finished It

71

Wo hu cang long (2000)

72

Reservoir Dogs (1992)

Finished It

73

Clockwork Orange, A (1971)

Hated It!

74

Amadeus (1984)

75

Modern Times (1936)

76

Ran (1985)

77

Annie Hall (1977)

78

Jaws (1975)

Started It

79

On the Waterfront (1954)

80

Braveheart (1995)

Finished It

81

High Noon (1952)

82

Apartment, The (1960)

83

Fargo (1996)

Hated It!

84

Sixth Sense, The (1999)

Finished It

85

Aliens (1986)

Finished It

86

Shining, The (1980)

87

Strangers on a Train (1951)

88

Blade Runner (1982)

Hated It!

89

Metropolis (1927)

90

Duck Soup (1933)

Finished It

91

Finding Nemo (2003)

Finished It

92

Donnie Darko (2001)

Finished It

93

General, The (1927)

94

City Lights (1931)

95

Princess Bride, The (1987)

Finished It

96

Toy Story 2 (1999)

Finished It

97

Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003)

Finished It

98

Great Dictator, The (1940)

99

Sjunde inseglet, Det (1957)

100

Lola rennt (1998)


Which movies have you seen?

More miserable, interfering, bible-bashing *****

BBC NEWS – Church wants end to Santa stamps

They’re at it again. Because 71% of the population on the 2001 census said they were Christian, they’re saying that can do anything.

Now, this is a fair country. A noticeable percentage of the population also said they were Jedi but I don’t see them launching protests as Darth Maul hasn’t been on a 20p stamp. A large number won’t have put their religion on because their beliefs state that they’re female and therefore have no rights, so their husbands will have filled them in. But that’s OK. Let’s let the C of E make them feel even more oppressed. That’s what religion’s for, after all.

I suppose a sensible solution (other than the Post Office saying “**** off, it’s none of your business”) would be for the stamps to no longer be referred to as “Christmas ™”, but “Winter”. Problem solved.

The christ-monkeys are already shafting my weekends with their stupid “keep Sunday special” campaign, which means I only have a handful of shopping hours. I’m damned if I’ll let the halo-wearing fascists start dictating what the post office can or can’t do.

Funnily enough, I seem to recall news stories not that long ago about another bunch of religious nuts who decided they could tell a whole country how to live it’s life. What were they called…? Oh, yes. The Taliban. Look what happened to them.

Another example of British law being an arse

I went to see Walking Tall on Saturday, and as is common now the film was immediately preceeded by a couple of screens asking me to kindly put away my camcorder, camera, mobile video phone, 8-track and any other recording equipment. Not as bad as Harry Potter where we were all kindly informed that staff would be using “see-in-the-dark” telescopes to spot anyone video-ing the film for distribution on the internet.

It was also made plain that anyone nabbed could face jail time and an “unlimited fine”.

Now, to change tack, a welcome announcement was made this week increasing the penalties for animal cruelty. You can now face jail time and up to £20,000 in fines. This is good, but wait…

Financially, pinching some cash from a film company that’s worth billions will result in worse punishment than crucifying a living dog, starving a field full of hourses or putting a koala in a microwave?

Yup. Nice to see that once again the law has it’s priorities right. Let’s protect the gold reserves of the rich more than the animals we share the planet with. ******* typical.

What does your car say about you?

OK, this is going to come across nasty but it isn’t. You know when you drive past someone and see their car? You can’t help but get some kind of preconception about them. It’s subconscious stereotyping. There are some that are more common than others, and here’s some I’ve driven past in the last few days.

I’ll start with the women, because I confess that I do have a glance at more female drivers than male.

Fiat Punto, Fiesta or other small car – office worker if you’re smartly dressed, or a student if you’re wearing a scarf. Probably a giggle. If the car’s full of other lasses you’re on the way to a party which I’m not invited to.

Any kind of 4×4 or people carrier – married, kids, probably wear green wellies.

Convertible – kept woman, doesn’t have to work for a living, sucks cock for money. If it’s a Porsche you’re driving then you probably swallow as well.

Transit van, flatbed, 18-wheeler – undergoing or recent sex-change patient.

Police car – independent, getting by in a man’s world, knows what to do with handcuffs, a truncheon and a big tube of KY.