This may be fiction

There’s a gorgeous girl in the office next to me at work. Statuesque, dark hair, the most amazing eyes and a figure that stops conversation the moment it enters a room. The kind of female a straight guy fantasises about when he cracks off the money shot after ogling porn for 2 hours. She’s that fine.

Anyway, I asked her out last week. Thing is, she’s seeing someone but I took it with the good grace of a true gentleman.

First of all I asked if it was actually one of those "serious" relationships and hence ruled out a quick shag in the broom cupboard at a future drunken office party. I was swiftly informed that this was the case. She looked impressed with my resolve and determination to clarify the situation, or at least that’s the impression I got.

Next, I felt it only fair to let her know that should anything happen to her relationship that I’d be happy to step into the breach, so to say, and fill in for the then-absent partner. Any eventuality would be covered – should he decide he was gay, suddenly just vanish or perhaps find himself involved in a freak car/runaway truck incident resulting in his death or entry into an extreme vegetative state.

She seems to take that well, though for some reason got all coy and stuff when I asked where he lived.

Strange girl.

INXS seek new singer

I can’t believe such a huge band are being dragged into the reality TV arena. How sad. It seems they’re touring the world, trying to find a replacement for Michael Hutchence (and in the meantime earning a fat royalty from the TV rights).

Mind you, I think it’d be hard to replace Hutchence. Nobody could swing like that guy. Especially after he’d wrapped a belt round his neck and jumped off a chair.

*pushes the corpse*

Weeeeeeee!

You’ll all think I’m sad, but…

…I just spotted the status bar on my desktop while I was on the network shared drive at work. "Disk free space: 1.00 TB". That’s the first time I’ve ever seen terrabytes listed. How cool is that?

OK, not very. I understand. If anyone has a spare life, just pop it in the post to the usual address.

Definitely getting too old for this ****

I spent part of the weekend with a friend helping her to child mind. She’s living with another friend and in lieu of rent, she takes care of their son (7) and daughter (10) when mum and dad are away. Plus any little friends that visit.

Well, I managed one museum trip and a walk to the park and I’m crippled. The museum wrecked my mind (in particular the car trip) and I pulled a flipping groin muscle playing tag. Swings? No worries. Climbing frame? Watch me scale it. Changing direction while running? *twang*

So I got to bed nice and early on Sunday night. Genuinely tired. Fantastic. First time in a week.

Only every time I rolled over, the pain in my general nad area woke me up.

Then to cap everything, I dug a pair of trousers out of the wardrobe for work this morning. Nice ones, too. Not worn them for maybe 2 years at a guess.

At least 3 inches too small round the waist.

What was I saying before about work subsidising gym membership?