A reason for buying a 4×4 & idiot "protesters"

Finally, aside from driving off-road (as if), I’ve come up with a reason for driving a 4×4. To ram stupid fucking BMW Z4 drivers off the road, hopefully to the point of extinction. Yup, more road rage. I was going round the roundabout at the bottom of the M606. It has traffic lights on it. My lights turned green, so I started to move. A Z4 appeared at the road I was about to drive past. Appeared. As in, he hadn’t been sat there before. He slowed, looked, then floored it through an obvious red right in front of me. Sadly, as I drive a Golf and have good reactions I didn’t plough into the side of his tin-foil person-carrier and instead came to a stop a foot or so from the driver’s-side door.


I think the roads would be safer without wankers like him on them. Had I been driving a nice big Mitsubishi, Landy or similar and was a bit doddery I could have done us all a favour and wiped the twat out. I look forward to my twilight years and dodderiness. And cheaper insurance.

In other news, hunt supporters. What a bunch of complete fuckwits. Let’s leave aside the fact that making fox-hunting into a fun day out for all the family is somewhat barbaric and just concentrate on their ludicrous bahaviour today.

Now, I appreciate jobs will be lost if this government decision goes through. I appreciate that Tony Blair and co are going to force the law through in a way virtually unheard of in the past. I appreciate that the law and regulations it brings up are bloody ludicrous and are going to do sweet FA for animal welfare.

Still, let’s bear in mind that Jaguar are closing a plant shortly and jobs will be lost there too.

Do I see Jaguar workers forcing their way into the House of Commons and threatening MPs? Do I see them turning up for a protest in London armed with fireworks to throw at police who are only trying to do the job they’re underpaid for? Do I see them blocking the M25 in an unannounced protest that caused massive inconvenience for thousands of people who may even have been in support of their cause? Do I fuck. Because Jaguar workers are normal people, not inbred cousin-shagging countryfolk with more fingers than brain cells.

If you have a grievance, air it but do it in a way that doesn’t make you look like a terrorist, a thug or a selfish prick. How the fuck do you expect to get people to sympathise with your cause when you just come across as a total selfish idiot? Get a grip, get a life and get a new job.

Congratulations. All you’ve done is make people like me think that it’s a good thing you’re going to be unemployed. This should bring you closer to the breadline and therefore less likely to reproduce. Assuming your sister can even get home from London to bear your children, seeing as there’s a right jam on the M25.

Little bits of nothing

I’ve been watching Junior Mastermind (because I can actually answer some of

the questions). Nice to see kids picking *proper* subjects like Sharks,

Dinosaurs, or “The [current kids’ favourite] books”.

Then some precocious little git goes and chooses “The life and times of

Queen Victoria” or “The life and works of Vincent Van Gogh”. They inevitably

blast through the specialist round scoring well into the teens, and come a

complete cropper on the general knowledge questions, unable to even identify

the capital of France.

On a current recurring theme, more on the Folks At Number 9. Well, it turns out that “‘er indoors” is no longer there. She has vanished, to be replaced with a new one who looks the flipping same only with different hair. And two (adoreable) little daughters.

The evenings still hold some entertainment, as a guy – I think it’s her ex – regularly appears and she and he have some interesting, loud verbal exchanges. Frankly, I feel sorry for the kids.

But, there’s an upside. My housemate has put in a bid for the house and – we think – it’s been accepted. I lose a tenant (and the rent that goes with it), but gain a neighbour I already know I really like and will be more than happy to share a street with. Plus, Kim knows that if she gets a moth trapped in her bathroom, she can come over and hammer on my door wildly at 3 in the morning to get me to let it out.

If, for some reason, Kim’s sums don’t work out and she can’t afford it then I’m buying it. Sale to rent. Sounds like a giggle…

Almost famous

I came close to a brush with fame today. Or, more correctly, Peter Ridsdale (Barnsley Town FC chairman) almost had a brush with my car. I was just leaving Barnsley College having fixed their server, turned left, drove round the block and stopped at some lights. They turned green, I drove off and the pompous, jaywalking prat was still dawdling in the middle of the road. Nowhere near a crossing and in no rush to get out of my way.

Apologies to all Leeds supporters, but my insurance just couldn’t take me hitting a rich man no matter how much of an arse he is. Besides, I’m saving up so I can mow Freddie Shepherd down.

In addition, my neighbour (the nice one) called the planning department and I dropped them an email. They tried to argue with him about someone parking somewhere not being their business until he pointed out that as it’s a planning document that states he can’t park there, it would make sense that a planning enforcement department should be investigating.

We await the forms in the post.

It also seems that, despite signs going up, he has no intention of moving out. I overheard his ex/on-off-partner/whatever gabbing on to her mates about how much the place is worth compared to when they bought it (about thirty grand more) and how “no matter what, I’m getting my share of that cash”. I’m kind of gathering that he’s bought the place and she’s trying to force him to sell so she can get her wedge and bugger off.

Over the weekend, we’ve seen three sets of people ignored as they knocked at the door holding estate agent details for the property. We also know for a fact that he was in at the time. Looks like he’s going through the motions to shut her up. I await the massive shoutfest when the estate agents come and take their “for sale” sign back as he’s not letting people view the property.

Victory over the arsehole?

Well, it’s 1:16am and the wanker 2 doors over is doing DIY. I’ve already had words with him this evening (most of them 4 letters in length) regarding the two cars parked in the driveway for four hours. They’ve been moved. After he claimed he owned half of the drive which he knew because he’d checked his plans.

Actually, if he’d checked the documents he’d have seen he owns a third. “Well I’ll park on my third then”. Ah, no. You see it’s one third ownership, not ownership of a specific third. This disregarding the fact that his car is approximately twice the width of a third of the drive anyway.

His excuse of “if you had kids you’d know how hard it is. I’m not leaving him alone in the house for two minutes while I move my car back out of the driveway” was rather weak. Especially as there was at least one other person in the house with him. Also, if the kid’s in a safety seat (which he is), then you plop the seat in the hallway – in view and with the little lad still strapped in – and move the car. Or you park it where it should be parked and carry him the extra 10 yards to the front door. Either is safe.

I did threaten to clamp him the next time he was parked there for a length of time, but in all honesty I’m not sure how legal that would be with him having part-ownership of that piece of land. However…

Courtesy of Steve, the chap next door, we’ve had a dig and looked at our title deeds and the HM Land Registry Property, Proprietership and Charges Registers which we’re all provided with upon buying a house. Interesting reading.

Charges Register section (10) (b) reads:

Not without the consent of the council in writing park any motor vehicle upon any part of the premises otherwise than in a properly constructed garage.

Without getting into too much legalese, this means that the little toerag is well and truly fucked. We’re giving the council a ring on Monday, and have a feeling they may ask us to call the police to give him a quick visit. Oh, how I’m looking forward to that.

Strange places to find amusement

This evening I took a little trip to the BBFC‘s web page. I’ve not been for a while. For those who don’t know, they’re the private body that decides the film ratings in the UK. They’ve relaxed the rules a lot, especially over the last few years after a certain Mr Ferman (a Nazi cunt in entirely the wrong job if ever there was one) stepped down as Head Censor.

Anyways, it’s worth a look for a giggle. The interface isn’t good, but just browsing the descriptions of the (few) cuts being made is a laugh, especially with the Restricted-18 videos. For a start, a lot of the porn is a rip off of Hollywood stuff (Shaving Ryan’s Privates, as an example – link DEFINITELY not work safe). Then there’s the stuff they have to cut to attain the UK’s least restrictive rating.

As an example, “Sex Pigs: Cut required to sight of coverage with condom of, and penetration of anus by a vacuum pump tube on the grounds of potential physical harm.”

Sometimes, just sometimes, I agree that the BBFC might be protecting us from stuff that maybe we shouldn’t see. This is one of those times.