I’ve wanted a dog for ages as anyone who knows me will be aware. Love the things. But due to working circumstances I just can’t look after one. Unless I got a job where I could take the little fella, or work from home, I just wouldn’t have the time, especially with a pup.
There are alternatives. A cat – got one, and pre-housetrained, so that’s worked out OK. I miss the stupidity of a canine, though. So… I’ve got a dog.
Well, it’s an unusual one. Actually, it’s a virtual one. Alright, if you’re going to get technical then it’s a pretend one. Look, it’s quite simple. I’ve decided he’s a big, stupid alsatian. He’ll always be there when I come home, never poos and is a savage attack dog when I’m threatened. Now, depending on my mood (or drunkenness) he can be quite vicious. Although he’s virtual I’ve got to make him as realistic as possible.
To this end, I’ve had to come up with some substitutes for real life. If he attacks someone, I’ll have to get them to look the other way while I gnaw at them. Unless they’re really dirty in which case I may resort to using a saw blade or something to inflict the wounds instead.
I don’t need to worry about simulating hair-shedding. Between KK and Kim, there’s plenty to account for another household member.
If I happen to be out all day and stay out too long, I’ll just dribble some tap water on the carpet and yell a bit. It’s more hygienic than cleaning up dog pee, but will take just as long to dry.
I think I’ll name him Satan, just so I can go outside at night and yell for him in a really loud voice and worry the neighbours.
Down boy – I’m typing.
Good dog.
Could Mosh be feeling a little *ruff*?
ruff… ruff ruff.
(I know, barking mad.)
Dog bollocks? or just a long tale?
Erm.
Yes dear. Nice doggy.
*pssst, someone call for the men in white coats*
I fear bdb has a very strange penis…
Sounds like your penis to me.