Not a bad long weekend
I got a fair bit done over Easter. Mainly tidying the house out, clearing things away and some chucking out of old kit. Including a massive full tower case housing a Pentium-100 based system with a whopping 2Gb hard drive. Woo.
Mind you, I hoiked the memory out of it and flogged it for a tenner on eBay, so not a complete loss. I somehow doubted anyone would really be after a quad speed CD-ROM even if it was a genuine Creative Labs effort. Having said that, I just found three for sale but (surprise) no bids.
I didn’t however, get the loft ladder installed. Part of the job is to replace the loft door, for which I need a wooden panel. Easter Sunday is the only Sunday in the year that B&Q is shut. The whole holiday is all about a magical carpenter who gets pinned to some 2×4. I mean, if that doesn’t put you in the mood for a bit of woodwork, what will?
Vic Reeves dropped from telly ads
This is about the only funny thing Vic Reeves has ever done. At least, it’s the first thing involving him I’ve ever laughed at.
The unfunny, catch-phrase desperate, lanky streak of piss. Who I’m sure is a nice guy if you meet him, but **** is he a waste of TV airtime.
Return of the Tagnuts
Or The Tagnuts Strike Back. Take your pick. More annoying than Jar-Jar Binks, KK’s arse nuggets returned with a vengeance over the weekend. Worse still, with the damn weather they weren’t all dried up and brushable. Nooooo. Wet, sticky and vile-smelling.
Fortunately this time I spotted them before she’d sat in my lap. It’s easier to mop up off the windowsill. As a result, she spent ages outside, sneaking in every time I went to pop something in the bin. Of all the days for her to be overly-friendly and rubbing herself all over me. Ew.
Now, she doesn’t like the electric fan heater, so trying to dry them out for brushing just wasn’t an option. Everyone knows the fun I’ve had trying to trim or shave the hair there. But I was able to buy some trimmers from Instash, that have made it a lot easier for me to shave. I’m sure the neighbours think I’m mad. I mean, what conclusion would you jump to if you heard someone through the wall screaming “come back! I just want to shave your arse!”?
Actually, at one point I swear they thought I was trying to kill her or something. I was tidying up and dropping some stuff in the outside bin when she ambled up, all friendly like. Hmmm… Back to the bin, retrieve the old trousers, wrap them round my hand, here Kitty Kitty.
I had her on her back, yowling, hissing and scratching the living **** out of my hands as I tried in vain to wipe the clarts off. When I could stand the pain no more, I let her go and checked the material. I think it had 2 cat hairs stuck to it – no **** at all. All that blood-letting (mine, incidentally) for nothing. And several people looking like they were 5 seconds away from calling the RSPCA SWAT team.
Does anyone know if you can get electrolysis done on a cat’s arse? I wonder if the vet would speak to me again if I asked.
Flo – well, technically it’s not cruel. It’s on a par with forcing pills down their throat when they’re sick and stuff. It’s not just for my comfort – the only way she cleans it is by licking it – and that can’t be good for her!
Thing is, the sink trick would only work once… Trust me, she’s smart!
ha!! imagining you running around the house chasing after your cat’s dingleberries right now!!
maybe you could use an electric trimmer to trim it short back there? i’m sure the cat would LOVE that. 😉
I used to work for B&Q – nightmare! They are only shut 2 days a year – Easter Sunday and Christmas Day; but as a member of staff, you still have to work Easter Sunday (to re-stock the store). God, I’m SO glad I’m out of retail…
I’d actually pictured a shadow cast on the wall, holding hair clippers aloft, chasing a big spiky shadow… kinda Warner Bros-ish.
I have tried the clippers before, but I can’t get close enough. When Kim and I tried the physical approach, more blood was shed!
JJ – thank you for the tip on the Immac (now called Veet, I believe. Or was that something else?) I will spare my pussy’s arse. That sounded confused.
SS – my first 15″ monitor went through about 12+ years and 2 girlfriends (and one “operation” to replace the power switch) before being chucked into a skip at work. I have a spare 17″ monitor of my own now.
Anni – possibly. Although I like Fawlty Towers and you don’t. Which reminds me…. 😉
Chick – you and me both, babe. I used to work for PC *spit* World. DON’T EVER GO THERE.
I’m with Dawn in picturing you chasing the cat’s arse…. haha.
And, amazingly, I am with you on Vic Reeves. Is this a first – we agree on something comedic?
Minnow – she does clean herself… but she’s licking up ****! That can’t be healthy. And remember she bites me with that mouth as well.
SFG – not a bad idea. Have to check if it’s OK for cats though. And if it’s toxic if swallowed. I still doubt it’d be easy to apply but if it’s that or cat turd on my sofa…
Mosh.. Might be against my animal cruelty principals here but.. When my old cat had the same problem we used to give her a bath in the bathroom sink… she hated it but at least it was over quickly, not sure if she’ll forgive you tho.
Oh, and disinfect the sink after..
no no no – v.bad idea indeed! – immac hair dissolver will turn into immac skin dissolver if left on for too long & if you think a cat with clags gives you trouble, imagine what one with no arse skin would do in revenge…
could use your hair clippers to strim away the fluff (giving you an interesting aroma next time you do your head) but unless you’re able to clad yourelf from head to toe in protective leather (mmmmmmm) then a trip to the vets for a short back & sides is the best approach methinks!
That stuff smells foul… but preferable to cat ****!
why doesnt she clean herself? lazy cat. and vic is funny imo, sorry. i loved the carpentry comment, my thoughts exactly.
Why don’t you try some of that cream they are advertising on TV at the moment?
You know the stuff that bird spreads on her legs then the hairs rub off.. Might be an option.
SFG
Yeah, yeah, I haven’t been to the post ofice yet. It’s all packed up and everything (in a handily available reusable jiffy bag!) but it’s been raining at lunch times, so caouldn’t be arsed to walk to post it. I might try Saturday morning, if I get time.
Your PC is almost the same spec as my old one. I tried to give the memory (a wopping 48Mb) to a mate, but he decided to scrap his PC and buy a new one. It now sits on my shelf and stares at me. Even computers for Africa have politely turned me down. 🙁
Its so damned hard to chuck it though. It was my first PC and cost a stonking £1200 back in 1996. I did at least give the monitor to an old girlfriend, and as far as I know she still uses it.
My current one is on its last legs as well now and I will build a new one fom scratch later in the year, but aside from a 120Gb disk which I bought last year, it has nothing of value either. The mother board is failing so it would be unfair to donate it. I’ll keep the 17inch monitor though, as that’ll save me £100 on the build.