Scratchy

Be careful, kids

So the conversation in work turned to skin complaints, rashes, STDs and so forth. As it does. Hey, we’re busy people. We need our distractions.

B was talking about some fit Swedish au pair one of her mates had to burst out and told her she had “blood in her wee wee” and wanted to ring her mum at silly o’clock at night. R apparently used to have some kind of exczema that spread stupidly easily if you scratched it.

I’ve only ever had one sexually-related skin rash. It was itchy as hell. Little white dots around inflamed red skin. I didn’t bother going to the doctors – it seemed to settle itself down.

I put my arm in a patch of nettles while I was shagging someone outdoors.

Still, it could have been worse… I could have been running around trying to find bay leaves to rub on my genitals. “It’s swollen and needs rubbed and it won’t go down!”

Instant arrest.

So there you go, kids. Always practise safe sex – put a blanket down before shagging in a field. Or don’t do it at night, so you can at least see what you’re fumbling around in.

Poo woe

Is it natural to be able to half-fill an entire loo with poop? I just had one of those “cold sweat go go go” moments and had to peg it to the lavvy. Twenty minutes and some stomach cramps later and the curled log was about halfway up the sides. I’d suspect the rest was already exploring the U-bend.

I really shouldn’t have dinner around 11pm. I’m sure it’s not doing my digestion any good.

Mind you, it killed a few minutes before hometime.

Wrong kind of “fit”

This fitness lark is dangerous. A lass at the gym had a fit today. Not over their prices, either.

She walked onto one of the running machines, then seemed to change her mind and wandered over to one of the floor mats, lay down and looked like she was stretching.

Thing is, a minute or two later and she’d kind of stopped. No movement.

Eek.

The staff, though, were pretty quick to sort her, though I was concerned that they didn’t put her into a recovery position. She was obviously fitting, though (tensing, then untensing) so she’d likely have thrown herself out of position anyway.

An ambulance was called, but by the time they were on their way she’d regained consciousness and was acting perfectly well, although was rather embarassed.

It seems she’s had these things since she was a kid, and had her medication changed recently. She’s in there at lunchtime, the same as me, and is always by herself. She now knows about five people there fairly well, so we’ll keep an eye out for her in future.

And to think, I whinge if my leg hurts a bit the day after. Yeesh.

I think he may be gay

I was having a bit nosey around the network and found someone’s mp3 collection on their laptop. He’s got about 12 Britney Spears tracks and a dozen by Rachel Stevens.

The sad bastard.