Reasons to be cheerful… or not

Hip hip hooray

Let’s start with something to pep us all up. John Tyndall is dead. OK, that might not mean a lot to some of you. Let me rephrase it. The racist piece of **** who formed the BNP, insisted the Holocaust never happened and who was due in court this coming Thursday on race hate charges has kicked the bucket.

1 down, 2524 more to go (in Bradford West based on the recent election results anyway). Rot in hell you pathetic, insecure piece of ****.

Not so good

I got home this evening to hear the sounds of Ibiza nightclub life in my living room. Right through the wall courtesy of the toerag next door. It was louder than it would have been with my own stereo turned on.

So I popped next door. Banged a few times. Door opens… eventually. He’s still in the living room, three of his mates answer. One of them looms at me. “What?”

“Turn it down. I’ve got work to do and I need an early night for an exam tomorrow.” (which I don’t, but hey)

“But it’s my birthday.”

“Big whoop. What do you want? A cake? Turn it down.”

“I don’t have to. The police won’t do anything. And anyway, you’re allowed one party night a year and you can have the stereo as loud as you want and they won’t do owt. So **** off. It’s my birthday, you know what birthdays are like.”

“Well that’s crap, and you know it. Turn it down. Now.”

“**** off, you ****.”

Back home, ring the police, get through to a nice chap at Bradford north who informs me that it’s the council’s job – it’s a civil matter so the police can’t prosecute. He gives me some numbers and asks if it’s a regular occurence.

“Semi-regular. It’s either his flipping stereo or he’s battering his girlfriend loud enough that I can hear it.”

“Domestic violence? Oh, we can certainly look into that.”

So I gave him the details. Oops. Just kind of slipped out.

Aaaaanyways. I left the house for a bit as I was about to consider trying to get the little **** to punch me so I could call the cops and get him done for assault. An hour later and my mobile went. It was a nice policewoman who informed me she was on desk duty due to being pregnant. She apologised for not getting someone out to see him, but they were slightly short-handed staffwise due to something I’d read about in the papers tomorrow but about which she could tell me no more.

Strange.

Well, she spoke to him (they must have looked the phone number up from the address – cool) and apparently he was all apologetic and sorry and it won’t happen again and… etc. Bollocks, basically. She also said they’d had a word with him about slapping his girlfriend about. He denied it. They got her contact details (as she wasn’t in) and spoke to her.

She denied it.

Apparently they “have had some loud rows recently as they’re stressed with the pregnancy and his working nightshifts but he’s never hit her.” Unfortunately, they have to go with what she says, which I do understand. Unless I hear them at it, call the police and they turn up to find her with a shiner (or she complains herself), their hands are tied.

Incidentally, I thought the boys in blue would be subtle about this. Erm… no.

I got home.

“Hey, what’s this about you telling the police my mate’s been doing violence on his mrs?”

For ****’s sake.

I denied everything. I told them not to accuse me of something of which they had no proof. “I’m not accusing you, I just asked why you did it.”

I really hope one of his birthday presents was a ******* picture dictionary. Stupid ****.

And of course the stereo was on full belt. So I called the police again who said they’d give him another call or try to get someone out. I don’t know if they did, but I had another go at them after that as it was about 325 miles (give or take) past a ******* joke by then.

Birthday boy: “why is it my problem if his stereo is pumping bass through your wall.”
Me: “It’s not, it’s his. But you keep opening your mouth to tell me it’s your birthday when I’ve already told you I don’t care.”
BB: “Well, ask him to turn it down and he will.”
Me: “I’m trying to, but you won’t shut the **** up for long enough for me to do it.”

It kind of degenerated from there.

Thankfully they all ****** off out about 10:30. After yelling at each other something involving my cat, removing heads and sucking the blood from the corpse.

Needless to say, folks, anything happens to KK in the next couple of days and his ******* corpse will be nailed to his front door and I’ll call the police and turn myself in.

I await their return sometime after kicking out. Again, needless to say if I get woken up at any point before my alarm goes off there will be ******* murder.

Sleep tight, one and all.