A day of "good grief"s

What a waste of money

I can’t believed thay actually funded a study to prove that praying for a sick person is pointless. What an utter waste of money. I could have told them it was a crock for half of whatever they spent. You may as well stick your thumb up your arse and sing Yankee Doodle for all the good it’ll do.

OK, fair do’s. Praying’s slightly more hygenic.

Where do you get a job like this?

I want a job writing reports. I mean, you pick any old random subject that’s so blindingly ******* obvious what the answer is… and then tell everyone that answer. And then they pay you.

Today’s “kick me in the bollocks and call me Shergar, I’d never have known” report is that the UK is under increased risk of terrorist attacks because of its involvement in the Iraq and Afghanistan mess and because we cuddle up to the US.

Well, **** me backwards through a hedge. I’d have to have been living in Saddam’s little hole in the ground for the last 10 years not to know that.

Next week: “honey comes from bees”, “circular wheels are more efficient than square ones” and “George Bush is a useless ****”.

Users… good grief

On the phone to a nice young lady in an office today trying to resolve a networking problem. I needed her to log out and back in again to force some changes I’d made to her login script.

Me: OK, can you log out of Windows and then back in?
Her: I’ve closed Word, and Insight. I’m not in any Windows.
Me: That’s fine, so you’re clear to log out.
Her: *pause*
Me: Just log out of Windows – like you do in the evening.
Her: Oh. Well. I’m not in any Windows any more. I closed Word.
Me: *gesticalutes wildly at phone and mouths “aaargh”*
Her: Shall I just restart the machine?
Me: Yes. That’ll have the same effect, just take a little longer.
Her: OK *click as she hits the power button*


Babette who sits opposite told me a classic quote from her mum. Her and her stepdad just got a laptop and her mum wanted to know what time the Internet opened each morning. “Mum… keep away from the laptop”.

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Shooting Parrots

“What time does the internet open?” Priceless.


I hate people like that, I used to think it was only the older generation that for obvious reasons hadn’t grasped the whole computer thing, but I was wrong. The amount of people who can’t even use word very well is amazing.

On the subject of funny stories though, there was one time my mum, instead of opening the CD drive pressed the power button, she was complaining for ages that it had ‘crashed’. And another one I heard off a friend who was helping her mum look for something on the internet but couldnt find anything, her mum then asked ‘can we try the web instead?’



Caz – ta for those. I’m off to tell the other people in the office.


I have a funny, friend who was net savvy but had always been accostomed to MAC’s bought herself a PC. After trying to get the hang of it she phoned me up in despair, “Can I just delete this Windows stuff as it doesn’t seem to do much for me”.

After I had finished trying not to laugh I very gently explained the gravity of her suggestion.

Needless to say she now is quite conversant with Windows, but can still be as daft at times 🙂


SWMBO – face it, she was used to a computer designed for people who could only cope with one mouse button. It was bound to be an uphill struggle to start with.