4 o’clock shitters
Every day, it’s the same. I go for a late-in-the-day run-the-clock-down crap and all the ******* traps are full. There are 5 floors in this building, each with only one shitter for gents. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve ended up traversing up to 6 flights of stairs just to park my rump on the porcelain.
Why the hell does everyone else seem to want to lay a cable at 4:00? I’ve got an excuse – I finish at 4:30. Can’t they wait till 5:00?
********.
Sauna of doooooooom
Last Thursday and today, I traipsed to the gym to use the sauna to ease my poor, aching back (sympathy vote). I’ve also used these nice hot rooms when I’ve been suffereing from a bad cold.
Saunas are good for clearing the nose and stuff. I remember one time when I was a kid, my mum got a facial sauna thing for xmas. So we all tried it out. I had a bit of a cold, so mother dearest dropped a smear of Vicks Vaporub into the water so the fumes would clear my sinuses. Worked a treat – never had a clearer nasal passage.
Then I splashed cold water on my face.
SCCCREEEEEEEEEEEEAMMMMMMMM
It felt like an acid burn. You know if you eat an entire packet of stupidly strong mints then breathe in very quickly? Imagine that on your entire face. I thought all the skin was peeling off my face.
Ta, mum.
How about “Harry Potter and the Kid Who Played Him in the Films Who Actually Learned To ******* Act”
Nah. Far too far-fetched.
New book title
“Harry Potter and the River of Gold”
Sounds like the title of a James Bond movie.
I quite like “Golden Flush”
What will you market this wonder under.
the golden flow loo? – possible
the golden shower? – maybe not.
the golden shot? – that’s a quiz show!
hmm, maybe some more thought needs to happen here.
Damo – how do you know I’ve not already patented it? Admittedly, I’m having some slight problems with the superheating unit required to melt the gold. But, hey, Beckham doesn’t need his arse to play football anyway so some mild scorching should hardly be a concern in exchange for a toilet that flushes gold.
You know, maybe the golden flow toilet is a marketable idea.
you could sell it to the beckhams, the jordan-andres, and i am sure that premier league footballer would want one.
you could make a mint,
Babs – I’m toying with marketting this as a new diet idea. You just read one chapter before every meal. Then clean up your vomit and store that for snacks.
Dawn – you’re getting muddled up with the diamonds that I **** out cos my arse is that tight.
Right.
Won’t be eating my breakfast today!!
Mum’s are heros….. Iceland says so!!
As for your poop Mosh, it glistens but it aint gold…. hehe
Damo – it’s very much goldy gold unless you to a *HUGE* turd, in wich case the brown does kind of edge in.
It was pretty much the same in my old job – my office was on the same floor as the chief exec, so of you went to said loo all you would find would be a queue for the bloody thing at any time of the day – you would then have to go downstairs to the nastier toilets next to the ops division.
here’s a thought – if your deposit is being washed away by a torrent of molten gold, what colour is the liquid mid flush – goldy/brown or browny/gold?
SP – posh bogs. Porcelain seats. Diamond encrusted handles. When you flush, molten gold washes your poop away.
What if you pick your arse and wipe it in the keyboard? Does that lower the keyboard quota down to that of a bog seat?
“park my rump on the porcelain” Don’t they have bog seats?
Interesting fact: average number of germs per square inch of bog seat = 49. Per similar of computer keyboard = 25,000. ‘S fact.