Healthy dinner
Last night I ate mostly a 6-egg chicken-and-baked-bean omelette. The eggs were only 2 weeks (ish) out of date, but only carried a faint green tinge and didn’t smell much.
Would you please send all condolence cards for the person who sits next to me in the office to the usual address.
Things you want to hear when you’re in bed with a really fit bird you just pulled in the pub
“My sister would like to join in… she’s always fancied you.”
“Bondage? Mmmm… yes! I love being tied up and used!”
“Oh, yes! Yes! You’re the daddy!”
“That noise? It’s the cat trying to get into the room.”
“I shaved, just for you.”
“You make me tingle inside.”
“Of course I swallow.”
“Cum deep inside me, oh yeah!”
“Oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah AHHHH YES!”
Things you don’t want to hear when you’re in bed with a really fit bird you just pulled in the pub
“My brother would like to join in… he’s always fancied you.”
“Bondage? Mmmm… yes! I’ve a lovely 10-inch strap on I could **** you up the arse with!”
“Oh, yes! **** me like daddy does!”
“That noise? It’s my jealous ex-convict husband trying to break into the house.”
“I’m going to get it removed, just for you. Just as soon as I get the date from the sex-change clinic.”
“I hope I don’t make you tingle with that rash I passed onto my last boyfriend.”
“I used to swallow, but now it dribbles out of my tracheotomy hole.”
“I want your babies!!!”
“You can see that bit on the ceiling where the rain leaked in last year. Are you not finished yet?”
Damo – excessive amounts of booze, fella. Then you won’t hear anything, and that includes “no”. Of course, not ideal if you like a partner who moves more than to just throw her guts up in your slipper.
Personally I’ve got more chance of…………..
“AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH STRANGE MAN IN MY ROOM” “HELP”
BAD images entering one’s head.. STOP damo STOP and I bet that is also one 😉 hehe
Things one doesn’t hear when a fine lady is in bed, just before sex:-
mmmmmmmmm yes, your fat belly is really appealing
Good (and indeed) grief… Perv!
Dawn, yes my crotch is nuclear powered *wiggles eyebrows suggestively*
Bet thats not all you’re wiggling 😉
JJ thats only because he nicked it for his crotch!!
As for the sex remarks… they from experience???
Wouldn’t it be funny if you did pull a fit bird, everyone had been clambering to meet… you had a snog… you go for the crotch grope… and you get more than you bargained for….
[I do have a story (obviously not from me personally) that goes along those lines lol But I shall not share here]
“6-egg chicken & baked bean omlette”
dear god – isn’t that against the geneva convention?
JJ – sssssshhh. You don’t tell them about that and I won’t tell them about your nuclear-powered underarm deoderant.
SS – frankly I’m *glad* you’ve never heard that. Because then you’d have been listening at my walls and you know the restraining order places you out of earshot.
Things you never hear during sex
“Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!
Ooooh that was so wonderful.
Thank you Mosh….”