Here’s a story that some of you know already. I thought I’d share it with the rest of you.
About 6 years ago, give or take, I went on holiday with Psycho Ex. We weren’t technically "together" at the time or anything, at least not as far as her friend who fancied me was concerned. Still at the point a psycho, but a few months away from being the ex. Anyways…
It was the last day and we’d all packed to head back home. The coach picked us up from the hotel (eventually – it was almost 2 hours late) and dropped us off at the airport. On the way, we got the usual lecture about not having guns, fireworks, knives and so on in our carry on luggage. Replicas were fine in the luggage to be stored in the hold. This was pre-11/9 so the warnings weren’t as strict as they are now.
The usual queues ensued at the airport as all those people we’d not talked to for a week in the hotel started asking how the holiday had been and so on. Boredom does that to a person. Gradually, we worked our way down the queue and placed our luggage on the conveyor belt. Cases first, then handbags and stuff.
My bag went *PING* as it went through the x-ray machine. Oohfuck. All of a sudden, a guard is by my side and he doesn’t speak English. He does, however, have a ******* big gun.
My mind races. Could anyone have got near my bag after I packed it? No. Not at all. Had I inadvertantly bought an alarm clock stuffed with plasticene as a gift for someone? Not that I could recall. Perhaps I’d accidentally bundled a hotel towel in there and Spain is really strict on nicking stuff like that?
The guard starts babbling in Spanish to me, gesticulating at his waist. ****, he’s going to get his gun!
No… no. He’s threatening to cuff me. Holy ****, I’m going to jail. No… he’s just pointing at.. the… cuffs… Aaaaahhshit.
Nobody on the bus told me I couldn’t take novelty fur-covered handcuffs onto the plane in my hand luggage. I’d kind of bought them for Psycho Ex as a surprise when we got home.
Oops.
They ended up going back through the hold, all on their tod. This little square box rolling down the luggage conveyor with the huge suitcases and rucksacks. Amazingly, they made it all the way back to Manchester. Of all the things not to get lost somewhere near Bermuda.
TOC – hehe! Definitely sounds like an experience. I think it’s things like the bowing and the totally different culture that draws me to want to visit it.
All I need to do is figure out how I’ll get the cash and time, and what I’ll eat when I’m there. Unless I chicken out and live off McDs for a fortnight.
It’s the main one (about one hour outside Tokyo). I only really know terminal 1 (the one most of the non japanese airlines fly to). Osaka has another international airport. Most of the flights from the Uk goto these two.
Once your through it’s quick (the bags get through much quicker than you). The most amusing bit is the people who run the airport buses bowing at the bus as you leave!
TOC – cheers for that, I’ll make sure I pack enough batteries for my MP3 player and a good book. Is Narita the only international airport over there?
You know, I could just look this stuff up…
Japans great, the only problem is although the customs and imigration staff are courteous it takes at least one hout to get through the imigration desks at Narita airport
Damo – Japan is actually on my list of countries to visit when I have the time/money. I’m aware that it’s rather expensive, but the culture and history has always fascinated me. One of these years!
I can recommend Japan – they hate the americans, and the airport and customs staff are so courteous it’s like living in the 19th century with butlers and maid being deferential all the time. massively expensive to drink lager, so try sake.
Damo – from what I’ve heard, they’re a complete bunch of ***** now. Even the slightest whiff of a sesne of humour or an unpaid parking ticket and they jail you fro 2 days, refuse to feed you, then deport you. And the British Embassy wants **** all to do with it as you’ve not technically entered the US. ********.
America is OFF my list of holiday destinations.
been there, done that. it is a lot of fun to try the trademarked British sense of humour on US customs agents. or it was before all of the 11th September business.
Jayster – people get arrested for not much more than that. Your friend of a friend was very lucky. In fact *incredibly* lucky if they have a fetish for cavity searches and rubber gloves.
This story is not my own, but a friends. This freind of mine was travelling through customs with another friend. (Who I don’t know.) – this other friend was asked the usual questions. “Did you pack your own case? – what’s in the bag? – etc.” – NOW we all know the correct answers to these questions – don’t we?, but amongst these answers is not “GOLD… The Golds in the bag, All of it.” the friend was taken aside and treated to a full body search. Customs did not expect to find any gold, they did however suspect that a person coming up with such amusing answers may be carrying something else.
Hehe, exits aer clearly marked wherever yu need them I am guessing just in case she does show?? And I am thinking, JUST HANDCUFFS???? surely a full bloody bondage body bag would be of more use ????;)
Oog. That’s embarrassing.
Chris – she’s been in touch with Chris & Ali in Liverpool I believe. Or certainly had until last year. I think even they’ve managed to get rid of her. Pam and Rob moved to New Zealand so I think they’re safe.
He He.
I can just imagine all the people watching them go round on the luggage belt at the airport, just wondering who would claim them.
Psycho, I’d forgotten about her. I always get scared she may wander beck to Bradford and expect to be friends with everyone again. Every time I see a poster for an Abba trubute band I get a chill down my spine. Remember how she would get excited and run around the room like a 3 year old about Abba tribute concerts?