Stuart Hall

I doubt anyone outside of the UK will have heard of this guy, but he’s one of the original presenters of foam-costumed seventies precursor to Takeshi’s Castle, It’s A Knockout. He is what we Brits call "an institution", that is he’s a one-of-a-kind part of the British way of life.

I’m just popping up a post about him because he also does the best football summaries in the world. Imagine commentary given by an actor with a deep, booming upper-class English accent with a flavour of Faust, Shakespeare, Homer (the Greek, not the one from Springfield) and Gone With The Wind (yes, I know that’s American but that sort of drama). Amazing. He reads his little piece with so much passion, I’d love to hear him do an entire 90 minute match coverage.

I can hear bits of it now:

"Titus Bramble, more a Titan… a minor God… his challenge that of a sturdy warrior making the advancing striker seem more a gnat than a 30-a-season goal scorer. This David and Goliath conflict showed the giant win with ease, and David retreating abashed, nay ashamed to his own army, defeat hanging over his head like Harpies waiting to pounce."

He makes every bit of coverage sound like the village leader of yore realing off Beowulf to the delighted and awed crowd. Superb stuff.

In a way, he reminds me of my old English teacher, Mr Thompson. He used to read Chaucer as if it was the best thing ever. There’s one major difference between the two though – Mr Thomas was an utter, stuck up, pretentious, opinionated, self-important, egotistical, close-minded ****. He read stuff out as if he thought he was awe-inspiring, when in reality he was just some tit at the front of the class we all wished would shut the **** up and piss off.

Stuart Hall, however, is worth listening to.