Keywords from Google Analytics

About a fortnight back, I added Google Analytics code to my blogs (and the BDCF page) to get a feel for the traffic coming in. Lo and behold, I found a part that lets me look at the search engine strings entered whereby someone’s found my site and then popped by for a visit. And some of them are very ****** up.

Looking at some of them, I am really starting to worry about the collection of fuckups and wierdos that must be looking at my blog. I’m scared. Really.

Enjoy:

let’s all laugh at sunderland
let’s all laughed at sunderland
let’s all laugh at sunderland jokes
rob mason sunderland’s number ones
downgrade to payg keep mobile number
how to be a mosher
passcode directory for barclays bank account holder
man **** dead in gym, birmingham
highway code horn 7:30 am
hoodie bondage “tied up” ebay
scouse links in new zealand
shagging bigg market
fanny craddock
pics of a 12 week old andrex dog
women shooting ping pong balls from fanny
mosher shoes
ban kfc
what is the “male equivalent” of a snatch
women knickers in changing room
squid mosher photo
kfc head office email address
acer unable change homepage
“how to get blood out of a carpet”
postperson jobs in london
female masseuse
“go down on herself” taste
istambul galataserai
rspca swat
erskine bridge blog
“left in this van”
cum stained caz
purex
mosher adultery long branch
www. mashed swede. me.uk
punto parked kerb not starting
alex ferguson swears on tv bollocks
female boss getting **** in her car porn free

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Dewi Morgan

This thread’s so good, you posted it twice!

Some of those queries got me asking questions. How DO you get blood out of a carpet? How DO you kill a man-****? What IS the “male equivalent” of a snatch? And does Consignia kindof weirdo who’d use the word “postperson” with a straight face?

Dewi Morgan

*”want to employ the kindof weirdo”

Mosh

Cock. The result of having a really dodgy wireless connection and hitting “publish” umpteen times until the connection seems to work…

Dewi Morgan

Hahaha – priceless! Is that a builtin feature of the blog, or can anyone do it for any webpage?

I was disappointed on rereading it though: first time I read it, I thought the best search phrase was “cum stained cat” But yes, some seriously worrying phrases there.

Mosh

Dewi – just moved your comment off the “extra” posting of this onto this one!

Mosh

Oh, and you can do it for any web page/site – up to ten for each free account. Go check out the link.

Dewi Morgan

Damn, I’d hoped to scupper you by posting to both threads but no, you outwitted me!

And, very cool googley stuff. I like!

But… is it EVIL? http://www.threadwatch.org/node/4686 (I love the irony of using Google to google for “google analytics evil” šŸ™‚

Mosh

I checked the search terms for my Travel Blog as well. Needless to say they weren’t as interesting. Except perhaps for “happy finish patong”. Good grief.

Mosh

Dewi – posting stuff in the commentsd won’t work as they’re hosted on Haloscan, not within my blog. Shame, though.

If I post the word “****” a million times as a blog entry, will I go to number one in Google ranking?

MM – I didn’t realise anal hamster bashing was on my list, but I’ve not checked this week yet. It wouldn’t bloody surprise me.

Matrixmonkey

wow!! those are just as fuked up as some of mine i have been getting .
love to work out how google gets my *and yours* from stuff like
anal hamster bashing

Dewi Morgan

Fuh, who cares about business pages? Sure, I always link to them just so they get a good google ranking (seriously, who has number one slot on google for a four letter word? http://www.thudgame.com does! Yay! We rock), but, I want to find out how people get to my yiffy furryporn pages!

[and in his next update to this list, Mosh will have “yiffy furryporn” in the list, just because of this post… hrm, this could be a new sport, “see what bizarre words you can surreptitiously slip into a comment on Mosh’s blog, just to skew his searchstring report.”]

Mosh

Chris – ah, that was you, was it? I had another half-dozen weird ones last night when I checked. I may update this post every month or so!

Dewi – try adding the script to your business page as well. That’s what it’s designed for after all!

Dewi Morgan

OK, I did it with my pages and… from what I can tell, nobody VISITS my page šŸ˜€ Yay! (my be related to the fact that I always give out my business page instead of the personal one šŸ™‚

Chris Parr

Picked some random ones and you came out as top search result!

punto parked kerb not starting

I’ll come to your blog for all my car starting needs šŸ™‚