Advice for criminals

Are you a thieving scrote? A rapist? A murderer? Or just some dozy **** who broke one of the handful of laws in the UK that’ll get you into an actual jail these days? Well, in case you need some cash for fags so you can stop the Ugh Brothers ripping your tender arse-parts in two, how’s this for an idea:

Sue someone on the outside using public funds for something utterly mad. Let’s say… clearing out a flat you “vacated” eight months previous as you were thrown into chokey and didn’t bother to tell them. Despite the fact they are paying to keep your stuff in storage.

Which I know sounds bizarre, but that’s what repeat rapist Thomas Cope has just done to Melody Goymer, a hairdresser. Remember, this is the UK and your legal rights as a law-abiding citizen mean **** all. What’s his argument? The fact that under the current government he’ll be allowed out a week on Tuesday having served 1/16th of his sentence so he’ll need the rotten veg in his fridge?

He’s “won” £750. It’s looking to cost Ms Goymer around £20,000 in legal costs. And as I said, she’s paying £60 per week to store his belongings – she hadn’t even disposed of them. At first you wonder how this can happen… then you realise that it’s simply another example of the ******-up legal system in the UK. I think what’s worse than the fact that it happened is that it’s just not a surprise.

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