The name’s Brand. Russel Brand. And I ****** your grand-daughter.

And I don’t care. Those outside of the UK likely haven’t heard of the people involved in the current BBC scandal doing the rounds. Russell Brand (who I only heard of this week, but I’ve been out of the country for some time) and Jonathan Ross (a somewhat whacky DJ/TV personality) left telephone messages for Andrew Sachs (who played Manuel in Fawlty Towers many years ago) claiming that Brand had shagged Sach’s grand-daughter Georgina Baillie. Who herself plays a goth vampire in a travelling burlesque show called the Satanic Sluts (look for her there under “Voluptua“).

Are you still with me?

Thing is, it was a joke. Sachs has come out and said that the apologies offered by the Beeb, Brand and Ross are all nice and he sounds like someone who’s pissed off but would rather get over it. His publicist is more angry by all accounts. And Baillie / Voluptua has cancelled some shows in embarrassment. Quite how someone who’s life revolves around wearing hot clothes with her boobs hanging out, pretending to cut other women’s throats in faux-lesbian photos and stage shows can claim to be embarrassed by anything is beyond me, but what the hey.

Sachs has pretty much retired, and his grand-daughter is going to be rolling in publicity through this. She’s been trying to get a career as an actress, and what any film studio wants is a “name”. It’s hard to make someone famous – she’s just had a shitload of free publicity. And she’s hot as ****.

The Guardian are calling for their heads (surprise), while the Sun’s published photos of Voluptua with her tits out. Nice to see how our media works. And a shame I can’t find those pics online.

What’s teeing me off is the number of people baying for the two DJ’s heads and asking them to be removed from radio for evermore. Hang on, if they were listening then surely they know the kind of stuff these two guys get up to. It’s often near the knuckly and Ross is known for being pretty sexually forward – or at least dropping more double entendres than a 6-year backlog of Finbarr Saunders cartoons.

If you don’t like them… don’t ******* listen. It’s as simple as that. Frankly I think Ross has/had (like I said, been out of the country for a bit) one of the few watchable chat shows on TV and he was the highlight of BBC2’s They Think It’s All Over. He’s genuinely funny. Brand… dunno. He’s some bloke that’s become famous since I left.

If we have to start banning people from the radio, can we please ban Chris Moyles instead? He doesn’t offend me. He’s just incredibly ******* ****.

And to save you googling, here’s some links to pics of the hot chick involved…

I’m also peeved as I just noticed they’ll be “supporting” Wednesday 13 at his Hallowe’en show in London. Which I really wanted to go to but I can’t as I’m flying to Geneva on the Sunday. Feck!

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Did I mention I’m going to see Wed13? :¬)

But actually, I’ve already seen the Satanic Sluts – they performed at Glastonbury. They were kinda fun, but to be honest, I didn’t realise they were a professional act. Which tells you something.

almost witty

And inside the BBC, staff members are calling for Brand/Ross’s blood, and suggesting staging a strike in protest at declining moral values.

Liam Proven

Oh, good, that’s the response I was hoping for! :¬D

They were on at Glasto between a mate of mine doing escapology acts ( ) – an act I used to sometimes introduce or narrate for him. So I’ve worked with a number of burlesque acts. I can tell you, it was pretty hard sometimes…

almost witty

And according to BBC News, Andrew Sachs never checked the messages on his answerphone. He and his publicist only listened to the programme after prompting from a Mail On Sunday journalist.

Journo goes looking for a story, gets it, and it’ll no doubt lead to at least three sackings of production staff members.

almost witty

Oh, the Media Guardian helpfully links to a Daily Star article with lots of pics.

almost witty

I still can’t decide whether I can go to a burlesque show and leave with my sexual politics and dignity intact…

almost witty

Women kissing each other? Meh. Who cares?

almost witty

I’m a wannabe-perv. seen it far too many times. Meh.


mate – the only thing that needs to happen here is Brand gets chucked of the tv and radio – imagine a lesser talented version of Chris Moyles, thinner but looks like he hasn’t showered for a few years.

almost witty

Too late. The BBC’s suspended Ross and Brand. coincidentally, after a Sun interview where Georgina calls for their heads, and admitted that she slept with Brand.

Hell hath no fury etc.

almost witty

Sack either of them and their careers continue blissfully unabated. Although Ross probably gets a kick out of being on the BBC and the respectability it offers – I’m sure ITV offered him more money.

At fault ultimately is the person who approved it for TX. Good luck to that poor sod. Although rumour has it the producer concerned actually phoned Sachs to get his permission, and Sachs said yes as long as it was toned down a bit.