Coffee ‘n’ sugar

Coffee sugar

I don’t like coffee. I love the smell, will eat coffee cake and – although they’re not my favourite by any stretch – I’ll even eat coffee creams. However, it’s not a drink I enjoy.

To whit, another in my extremely limited series of culinary hints and tips:

How to make a cup of coffee in a shared kitchen

1) Use a ******* dry teaspoon. It only takes a second to wipe it on your trousers or whatever. Anything on it will be dropped in scalding water shortly so don’t worry about bogies you’ve wiped on your thigh. Nobody will catch a cold. But make sure the damn thing is dry.

2) Just to be on the safe side – sugar in the cup first. Note: sugar first. Not coffee.

3) A separate step for this as it seems to be beyond the grasp of most coffee drinkers despite following on so closely from rule 2. Coffee second. That’s “second”. As in after the sugar.

Stir, return to desk, enjoy.

By following these simple steps you’ll eliminate the incredibly annoying problem of dropping dollops of coffee powder into the ******* sugar and therefore stopping them ending up in my ******* cup of ******* tea. You *****.

Failing that, just drink tea and **** coffee.

Yes, I’ve had a bad day and a ******* worse cup of tea.

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you forgot to mention the need for a cup that is clean and grime free and not stained by said coffee.

ah yes and the dry tea spoon also cancels out the equally horrible lumps of coffee and tea stained sugar that builds up from people adding the sugar after the hot water and a stir.

but worst is people who leave scraped butter or marg with toast crumbs on the inside of the marg tub, urgh…


Two years ago, the company splashed cash and invested in proper bean coffee machines and for us tea drinkers, Twinings English Breakfast teabags. It is very rare to find mugs left with teabags in as I think us tea drinkers have some sort of etiquette, eg wash our mugs, look after them.

Mugs with half-drunk, mouldy coffee however – they’re everywhere and if the problem doesn’t get sorted soon, I can see the company starting to charge for drinks again if people can’t be arsed to finish their drinks.

There’s even a dishwasher but the lazy muppets can’t be arsed to put the mugs in there…


I agree with the sentiment about coffee in the sugar.

hmm – think I might need to wash my coffee cup this morning. The office people leave them for the cleaners here (even though that’s not part of their duties) – but I always wash mine.


same here – I keep mine dirty sometimes so nobody half-inches it.

on a different note – I bet you’re glad you aren’t in Thailand today

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