Armored / Ninja Assassin

Seeing as I was away last week, I missed the usual Film Thursday. I partly made up on Tuesday night by popping through to see two movies after uni.


First up is this taught action thriller with a mis-spelled title. You’d think they could at least have given the UK a proper set of posters. But, no, Armored it is.

Plot-in-a-nutshell: A group of security guards get involved in a heist involving $42 million, only (surprise) not everything goes to plan.

I wasn’t expecting a lot from Armored. There’s a decent cast, including Jean Reno and Laurence Fishburn who I particularly like. It’s a nice, simple plot. The running time is under 90 minutes.

Given the low-brow plot, Armored does OK. It doesn’t outstay its welcome and the action is mixed with some reasonably tense moments. Yes, it’s hokey. Sure, you can see what’s coming. Of course, there are plot holes you could drive one of the armored… sorry “armoured” trucks through.

The thing is that the 88-minute running time means that you don’t have enough of a chance to dwell on these. I also enjoyed the limited setting. After thirty minutes or so, the film is set in one location. This reduced set still allows for a fair bit of action including two vehicular chase scenes.

Very much a film involving little to no use of the brain whatsoever. No classic, but a good way to pass a little time.

Ninja Assassin

Well, what else do you need to know given how cheese-tastic the name is?

Plot-in-a-nutshell: Raizo (Rain) is a ninja assassin turned traitor, trying to destroy the school that created him.

This is a ridiculously silly film. Let’s get that out of the way. It’s stupid, it’s gory and it’s over-the-top. I’d liken it to Enter The Dragon meets Saw. The grisliest sequence is actually in the opening segment. After that, a lot of the combat and bloodshed occurs in much darker surroundings.

What plot there is follows two strands – a flashback one detailing Raizo’s upbringing, and a current-day one featuring a couple of wooden “Europol” officers trying to track the ninja school themselves.

There’s not a lot else to say about it. I enjoyed it, although the gore just got silly after a while. Some scenes are artily done, but others are just over the top.

It works. I mean, you’re sat watching something called Ninja Assassin, for crying out loud. What do you expect?

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