Author: Mosh

Black Swan, NEDS and Tangled

Three films this weekend and certainly some variety in them. WARNING: this review contains the word “****”.

Black Swan

“I just want to be perfect.”

Plot-in-a-nutshell: ballet dancers vie for the prized rôle in Swan Lake while the director bashes the audience’s brain with a marmalade-smeared herring.

Black Swan has had some impressive reviews and I believe is up for OSCARs. Darren Aranofsky isn’t exactly known for making run-of-the-mill films and this certainly isn’t a change in direction for him. Natalie Portman plays Nina, an incredibly skinny young girl and a promising ballet star, under the watchful eye of trainer Thomas (Vincent Cassel) and domineering influence of her mother (Barbara Hershey).

After landing the part of the Swan Queen, she finds herself in a confused friendship/rivalry with Lily (Mila Kunis), a more happy-go-lucky character.

That’s about as far as the regular plot goes. Leading on from this, the plot goes ever so slightly Fight Club. Only weirder.

One thing I will say – every performance is superb. the acting is simply brilliant right across the board. The story, however, just didn’t grip me. I guessed a couple of the “odder” parts before they happened so despite the twisting freakiness, I never felt surprised.

This may make me pretty unique in the film viewing world, but I just didn’t enjoy Black Swan that much. As I said, a great piece of work but just not one that grabbed me. Gill – on the other hand – loved it!

NEDS

“What the **** are you looking at, you wee ****?”

Plot: A young boy grows up in Glasgow and changes from promising student to psycho thug. Pretty much a documentary, really.

If you want hard-hitting, this is it. NEDS is brutal, unrelenting and unforgiving. In many places it’s rather uncomfortable to watch (although never quite as much as The Kid).

Conor McCarron plays John McGill, a young boy leaving primary as best-in-class and entering secondary school where expectations change from academic to thuggish. His brother’s reputation as a NED (non-educated delinquent) precedes him and other people’s expectations of how he might turn out push him towards the Dark Side.

For a bunch of amateur actors, the performances are well above par. The dialogue certainly helps gain the movie it’s 18 rating with more “*****” than a building full of senior bankers. It’s pretty violent as well, including some domestic incidents on top of the street brawls. This is not one to watch with grandma.

John’s descent seems pre-prescribed, especially once people find out where he lives and who his brother is. The message buried within certainly hinges around whether nature or nurture is at the heart of how a person turns out.

If there’s a weak point in the film, it’s the ending. After some strong incidents and emotional story, writer/director Peter Mullan doesn’t seem to know how to round things off. A shame as it spoils an otherwise excellent example of low-budget locally-made cinema.

Tangled

“Frankly, I’m too scared to ask about the frog.”

Plot-in-a-nutshell: Rapunzel with a PIXAR twist.

Yes, I know this isn’t a PIXAR film – it’s traditional Disney – but John Lasseter is a senior producer and it shows in the humour. Apparently this is the most expensive animated film ever made. Much as it is enjoyable, I just can’t see where the cash went. It doesn’t look much better than anything else recently. Having said that, Disney went to extraordinary lengths to create a CGI film that looked like a traditional hand-painted one. Developing new technology is always a big investment.

The story is fairly simple. After all, it’s geared at the younger audience. We took two 9 year-old girls and a 2 year-old boy (who was very well behaved!). The girls enjoyed it, but did seem to get a little bored close to the end. At 100+ minutes it’s a little longer than most animated films these days.

With some witty banter between characters, there is something there for the grown-up, too. However, the two best characters in the movie are Maximus the horse and Rapunzel’s pet chameleon – both non-speaking parts. This says a lot for the quality of the artwork.

I’m not a fan of films with spontaneous singing, so I switched off when the characters burst into song. With the exception of the performance in the grotty inn, most of the song/dance sequences don’t have much going on on-screen to while away the time.

Overall, not a classic but not too bad. As I said, though, the kids enjoyed it – and that’s the main thing.

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This parenting lark

Naughty step
Naughty step (Image by memespring via Flickr)

I’ve kind of got into the parenting thing quite late on. Not so much in my life, but of those of the kids I’m finding myself scarily “responsible” for.

Quick catch-up for those who didn’t know. By day I’m a secondary school teacher, trying my best to control other people’s kids. By weekend (and holiday), I’m a boyfriend and try my best to control two specific kids owned by my better half.

To be fair, they’re lovely kids. ‘E’ is almost 10 (going on 16…) and her brother ‘A’ is approaching 3. He’s quite a handful compared to big sis, but they get on like oil, water and a box of matches at times.

I’ve got no siblings. The closest I’ve got is my little cousin, the same age as ‘E’ and the two of them get on really well. Little Cuz was over for a sleepover last night which kept the girls quiet. ‘A’ had a cracking day as well, really well behaved – even going as far as to tidy up. Unheard-of territory!

And then today. We went swimming this morning, only his second ever trip to the baths. He was less sure of himself than last time and it took us a while to get him in the water past his ankles, but after a while he was having fun, swinging at swimmers-by with a large polystyrene purple float. As you do. He was great round Asda, as he usually is, then fell asleep in the car on the way home. As he does.

He was also cranky when he got woken up as we arrived home. Nothing unusual in this! However, he pushed “crank” too far when Gill sorted out a butter and jam sandwich for him. He waited with taste buds erupting as she spread the butter. Then the jam.

And then lost it when she started to cut the bread. Screams, arms going. Gill folded it over and handed it to him and he went mental. Pulled it into two bits and threw it at her. Not good behaviour at the best of times, and especially not when his mum’s nursing a pretty awful head cold.

Naughty step time.

I might not be ‘A’s dad but we both share one very common trait. We’re stubborn as all hell.

‘A’ refused to sit on the step. He screamed. He yelled. He bawled. In between he drooled, cried and somehow found time for the occasional sob. I tried to make him sit. Not having it. I told him to sit. Nope. His mum wandered past (around the 15 minute mark…) and told him to sit. He refused.

He screamed in my ear at a pitch that would likely have had dogs for three streets around running in circles. This went on for three or four minutes until he was coughing. I sat and stared at him. He screamed some more. I stood up and turned my back on him.

Quiet.

I turned around and he was stood there sobbing. I pointed to the step. He shook his head. I turned my back.

Quiet.

I turned around and he was legging it upstairs to his room. I collared him and carried him back down. Needless to say, there was more noise.

Time to lead by example. By now he was crying his head off and standing with his arms open, asking for a hug. I sat down and explained to him that if he sat down next to me, he’d get one. I said please. He repeated what I wanted. Then refused to sit down.

We were on around 25 minutes by this time. I had a pretty watch to look at (thanks, Gill!). ‘A’ had nothing.

I sat. He cried. I tried to explain the rules, he screamed. I stood up and turned my back, he sobbed.

Finally, after forty minutes I sat and ‘A’ collapsed on the stair at my feet. As promised, cuddles followed for me and from his mum. He was much more settled after that and had a good afternoon playing quietly while sick mummy slept on the sofa.

One thing my parents always tell me (and everyone else, thanks folks) is that I was a stubborn little sod as a child. Some things don’t change. ‘A’ picked himself the wrong person to try his luck against!

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The Mechanic

Original poster
Poster from original 1972 version!

Gill couldn’t join me at the cinema this week as we couldn’t get a baby sitter. As such, I skipped the arty stuff and went to see something nice and Neanderthal. Ladies and gentlemen:

The Mechanic

“*BOOM*”

Plot-in-a-nutshell: Hired killer gets stuck in a plot involving other people being killed. People die. Things explode. More people die. Come on, it’s a Jason Statham film – what do you expect?

With the exception of Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, Statham’s output has been fairly formulaic. Big explosions, car chases and ass-kicking has made up everything else he’s been in. The quality, however, has varied. For every Transporter 1 there’s a Crank. The Mechanic fortunately falls into the “good films” camp and is actually fairly low-key with the action sequences.

That’s not to say that there’s not a lot of action.

The film is set in the world of contract killers. Statham plays “Arthur” (probably not his real name), who is coerced into doing a job he doesn’t really want to, and then has to deal with the consequences. The nature of his chosen profession dictates that he has to be sneaky rather than all-out spectacular and this is reflected in the action scenes. They’re fairly short, tight and well-choreographed – no time wasted.

There’s also a lovely touch of gore to them with some nice blood spatter from the gunshots and plenty of bits to make you go “ow, bet that hurt”. Nothing up there with Saw, but gruesome all the same.

It’s not a bad story, either, although once the details have been set down it’s fairly obvious who the real bad guy is and what’s going to happen by the end. Regardless, it’s great entertainment and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Possibly Statham’s best all round film to date.

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Morning Glory

Unusual title for a film. Gill thought it was rather funny, though why she reckons green weeds used in Asian cooking are amusing is beyond me. We actually saw this as a “back up” when NEDS filled up. With neds, funnily enough. I’ve never seen so many shitty tracksuits in one place outside of SportsDirect.

Morning Glory

“He’s the third worst person in the world”

Plot-in-a-nutshell: busy-bee producer takes over beleaguered breakfast TV show and tries to turn its fortunes around.

I love an unexpected gem, and Morning Glory turned out to be one of these. It follows the same basic plot lines as any “small fry against the big guy” movie, and the two competing hosts who hate each other (Harrison Ford and Diane Keaton) story has been done plenty of times before.

Rachel McAdams plays the small fry, Becky Fuller, unexpectedly sacked when she expected promotion. She finds herself in at the deep end with another network, heading a show that’s about to sink.

So far, so predictable. Then enter Ford as the excessively grumpy Mike Pomeroy. A man who doesn’t want the job he’s forced into and who hates his co-host Colleen Peck (Keaton). Ford doesn’t actually turn the film around, the script just happens to go up in tempo when his character arrives on the scene.

The surprise star of the show, and the character who definitely gets the belly laughs, is Ernie Appleby (Matt Malloy). There weren’t many in the cinema, but everyone we could see was bent double with laughter at the point where Becky makes a desperate grasp for a ratings increase and Ernie the weatherman becomes her weapon of choice.

It’s predictable, it’s been done before, but it’s a great little movie. Ford and Keaton are simply superb – and Jeff Goldblum‘s near-cameo as the studio exec is a peach.

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